Tuesday, July 23, 2019

God’s Aging Plan


The Truth hurts: Most seniors never get enough exercise. In His wisdom God decreed that seniors become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses, keys and other things, thus doing more walking. And God looked down and saw that it was good.

Then God saw there was another need. In His wisdom He made seniors lose co-ordination so they would drop things, requiring them to bend, reach, and stretch. And God looked down and saw that it was good.

Then God considered the function of bladders and decided seniors would have additional calls of nature, requiring more trips to the bathroom, thus providing more exercise. God looked down and saw that it was good.

So if you find as you age, you are getting up and down more, remember it's God's will. It is all in your best interest even though you mutter under your breath.

Nine Important Facts to Remember as We Grow Older

 #9 Death is the number 1 killer in the world.

 #8 Life is sexually transmitted.

 #7 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

 #6 Men have 2 motivations: hunger and hanky panky, and they can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in
his eyes, make him a sandwich.

 #5 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

 #4 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

 #3 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

 #2 In the 60's, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.

 #1 Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today may be a burning issue tomorrow.

Please share this wisdom with others while I go to the bathroom.

Sunday, July 21, 2019

Liege-Killer: The Graphic Novel by Chris Hinz & Jon Proctor

Liege-Killer: The Graphic Novel by Chris Hinz & Jon Proctor

Christopher Hinz's award-winning novel stunningly reimagined as a graphic novel.

Two hundred years after a nuclear apocalypse forced humanity to flee Earth, humans still remember the planet’s most feared warriors – the Paratwa, genetically modified killers who occupy two bodies controlled by one vicious mind.

The legendary Paratwa named Reemul, known as the Liege-Killer, was the deadliest of them all.

Now someone has revived Reemul from stasis and sent him to terrorize the peaceful orbital colonies of Earth. Is this an isolated incident, or just the opening salvo in a plan to take control of the entire human race?

Friday, July 19, 2019

Coal Miners


At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused.

The painting depicted three black men totally naked, sitting on a bench. Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis.

The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment. He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white patriarchal society. “In fact,” he pointed out, “some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society.”

After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said, “Would you like to know what the painting is really about?”

“Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?” asked the couple.

“Because I am the artist who painted the picture,” he replied. “In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all. They’re just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch.”

Thursday, July 18, 2019

God of Broken Things by Cameron Johnston

God of Broken Things by Cameron Johnston

An outcast magician must risk his body and mind to save the world from horrifying demons, in the heart-pounding epic fantasy sequel to The Traitor God.

Tyrant magus Edrin Walker destroyed the monster sent by the Skallgrim, but not before it laid waste to Setharis, and infested their magical elite with mind-controlling parasites. Edrin's own Gift to seize the minds of others was cracked by the strain of battle, and he barely survives the interrogation of a captured magus. There’s no time for recovery though: a Skallgrim army is marching on the mountain passes of the Clanhold. Edrin and a coterie of villains race to stop them, but the mountains are filled with gods, daemons, magic, and his hideous past. Walker must stop at nothing to win, even if that means losing his mind. Or worse…

Tuesday, July 16, 2019

The Outside by Ada Hoffmann

The Outside by Ada Hoffmann

Super-intelligent AI Gods rule the galaxy. Their algorithms determine the rewards you reap before and after death. But the Gods give and the Gods take away. And Yasira has never been good at Gods...

Autistic scientist Yasira Shien has developed a radical new energy drive on board The Pride of Jai that could change the future of humanity. But when she activates it, reality warps, destroying the space station and everyone left inside.

The Gods declare her work heretical, and Yasira is abducted by their agents. Instead of simply executing her, they offer mercy − if she’ll help them hunt down a bigger target: her mysterious, vanished mentor.

With her home world's fate in the balance, Yasira must choose who to trust: the Gods and their ruthless post-human angels, or the rebel scientist whose unorthodox mathematics could turn her world, literally, inside out.

Sunday, July 14, 2019

Ash Kickers by Sean Grigsby

Ash Kickers by Sean Grigsby

It's Dragons vs Firefighters vs the Phoenix.

The scorching fantasy sequel to Smoke Eaters.

With ex-firefighter Cole Brannigan in command of the Smoke Eaters, the dragon menace is under control. Thanks to non-lethal Canadian tech, the beasts are tranquilized and locked up, rather than killed. But for Tamerica Williams, this job filled with action and danger, has become tediously routine.

When a new threat emerges, a legendary bird of fire – the Phoenix – it’s the perfect task for Williams. But killing the Phoenix just brings it back stronger, spreading fire like a plague and whipping dragons into a frenzy. Will it prove to be too much excitement, even for Adrenalin-junkie Williams?

Thursday, July 11, 2019

Have You Heard...


Have you heard the joke about the bed? It hasn’t been made up yet.

Have you heard about the Corduroy pillow? It's making HEADLINES!

Have you heard the joke about the blunt pencil? Never mind, there's no point

Have you heard the one about the skunk? It stinks

Have you heard the one about the Vacuum? It sucks

Have you heard the one about the Gravel? It rocks

Have you heard the one about the Fire? It went up in flames

Have you heard the one about the Tree? Its sappy

Have you heard the one about the Cheddar? Its cheesy

Have you heard about the 2 people who stole a calendar? They each got 6 months.

Have you heard about the guy who incented lifesavers? They say he made a mint

Have you heard about the kidnapping in school? Its okay. He woke up.

Have you heard about the Italian chef with a terminal illness? He passed away.

Have you heard about the guy who cut off the left side of his body? He’s all right now.

Have you heard about what type of shorts clouds wear? Thunderwear

Have you heard about the cat that swallowed a ball of yarn? She had mittens.

Have you heard about the firs at the circus? It was in tents!

Have you heard about the runor regarding peanut butter? You don’t want to spread it.

Have you heard about the black cat who ran up a big phone bill? She called Persian-to-Persian

Tuesday, July 9, 2019

BEER CAN VASECTOMY

Beer Can Vasectomy:

After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.

So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more kids.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a "vasectomy" that could fix the problem but it was pretty expensive.

"A less costly alternative," advised the doctor, "is to go home, get a large cherry bomb [fireworks are legal in Alabama], light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."

The Alabamian replied to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help us not have any more kids."

''Trust me," said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count!

"1"..."2"..."3"..."4"..."5"

At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Tennessee, Kentucky, Louisiana, Arkansas, Oklahoma, Mississippi, parts of Georgia,
Missouri, West Virginia, and Washington, D.C.

Sunday, July 7, 2019

RODNEY DANGERFIELD PART 2


With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, “How can I get my kite in the air?” He told me to run off a cliff.

 I went to a massage parlor. It was self-service.

 It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass!

 Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

 A girl phoned me and said, ‘Come on over. There’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home!

 A hooker once told me she had a headache.

 I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, ‘Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?’ She said, ‘No, I hate myself now.’

 I’m so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

 The other day I came home early and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him, ‘Why?’ He said, ‘Because you came home early.’

 My wife’s such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.

 I know I’m not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.

 My wife is such a bad cook. In my house we pray after the meal.

 My wife likes to talk to me during sex; last night she called me from a hotel.

 My family was so poor that if I hadn’t been born a boy, I wouldn’t have had anything to play with.

Friday, July 5, 2019

RODNEY DANGERFIELD PART 1


It’s been a rough day. I got up this morning and put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I’m afraid to go to the bathroom.
 I was such an ugly kid! When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

 I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.

 I was such an ugly baby that my mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.

 I’m so ugly my father carried around a picture of the kid that came with his wallet.

 When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, “I’m sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through anyway.”

 I’m so ugly my mother had morning sickness AFTER I was born.

 I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

 Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, & asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, “Do you think we’ll ever find them?” He said, “I don’t know kid. There’s so many places they can hide.”

 My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

 I’m so ugly, I once worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I’d get.

 I went to see my doctor. “Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What’s wrong with me?” He said, “Nothing, your eyesight is perfect.”

 I went to the doctor because I’d swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

 One year they wanted to make me a poster boy—for birth control.

 My uncle’s dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.

Wednesday, July 3, 2019

PHILOSOPHY 101


 I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?

 I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you
.
 When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body. Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

 Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

 America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.

 You know that tingly little feeling you get when you love someone? That's your common sense leaving your body.

 My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.

 Money talks ... all mine ever says is good-bye.

 You're not fat, you're just easier to see.

 If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

 I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters and Twin Peaks. Do they just give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out?

 I can ' t understand why women are OK that JC Penny has an older women's clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."

 Denny's has a slogan, "If it's your birthday, the meal is on us." If you're in Denny's and it's your birthday, your life sucks!

 The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can go in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.

 I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.

 Money can't buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!

 The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Ernest T. Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.

Tuesday, July 2, 2019

VA MISSION ACT QUESTIONS ANSWERED


VA Mission Act Update 11 ► Top Questions Answered

On 6 JUN VA implemented changes to community care under the VA MISSION Act. The changes included expanded eligibility for community care and a new urgent care benefit. As part of our outreach and engagement efforts, the VA collected the top questions received from Veterans and provided answers to each one below with the goal of making it easier to access the care you have earned.

General Health Care

 When can I receive community care?
Eligibility for community care depends on your individual health care needs or circumstances. You should discuss community care eligibility with your VA care team to determine if you are eligible. This video provides a quick overview of Veteran community care.

 Can I get dental care through the MISSION Act? Eligibility for dental services has not changed under the MISSION Act. You should talk to your VA care team about eligibility for dental services. Click here for more information about dental care.

 How does a community provider know I am eligible to receive community care? If your VA care team has determined that you are eligible for community care and you chose a community provider, VA will send the provider a referral and authorization prior to you receiving care. You must receive approval from VA prior to obtaining care from a community provider in most circumstances.

 I was authorized for community care under the Choice program. What happens now?
The Choice program expired on June 6, 2019, and specific Choice eligibility for community care is no longer being used. If you were eligible for community care under Choice, you should speak with your VA care team or a VA staff member at your local VA medical facility about updated eligibility for community care. This video also provides a quick primer regarding community care eligibility under the new Veteran community care program.

Urgent Care

 How do I become eligible for the urgent care benefit? You must be enrolled in VA health care and have received care through VA from either a VA or community provider within the past 24 months to be eligible for the urgent care benefit.

 How can I find an urgent care provider?
To find an urgent care location in VA’s contracted network, use the VA facility locator at https://www.va.gov/find-locations . Select the link entitled “Find VA approved urgent care locations and pharmacies near you”.

 What is the difference between urgent care and emergency care?
Urgent care consists of medical services provided for minor illnesses or injuries that are not life-threatening such as strep throat, pink eye, or influenza. Emergency care consists of inpatient or outpatient hospital services that are necessary to prevent death or serious impairment of health such as severe chest pain, seizures or loss of awareness, heavy uncontrollable bleeding, or moderate to severe burns.

 Do I have to pay a co-payment if I receive urgent care that relates to my service-connected condition?Copayments for urgent care are different from other VA medical co-payments. Co-payments for urgent care depend on your assigned priority group and the number of times you visit any urgent care provider in a calendar year. Visit the Urgent Care webpage for more information about co-payments.

 How do I get prescription medication related to an urgent care visit? VA will pay for or fill prescriptions for urgent care. For urgent care prescription medication longer than a 14-day supply, the prescription must be submitted to VA to be filled. For urgent prescriptions written by an urgent care provider, you can fill a 14-day supply of medication at a contracted pharmacy within the VA network, in VA, or at a non-contracted pharmacy. If a non-contracted pharmacy is used, you must pay for the prescription and then file a claim for reimbursement with your local VA medical facility.

Go to https://www.va.gov/COMMUNITYCARE/pubs/factsheets.asp for more detailed information on community
care and urgent care. [Source: VA News| June 19, 2019 ++]

Saturday, June 1, 2019

Roky Erickson, psychedelic rock pioneer with 13th Floor Elevators, dies at 71


Roky Erickson, psychedelic rock pioneer with 13th Floor Elevators, dies at 71

By Randall Roberts

Jun 01, 2019 | 6:35 AM

To fully appreciate the way in which psychedelic rock pioneer Roky Erickson, who died Friday at 71, treated musical creativity at the beginning of his career, one need only reference his band the 13th Floor Elevators’ 1966 debut album.

“Recently, it has been possible for man to chemically alter his mental state and thus alter his point of view,” read the liner notes for “The Psychedelic Sounds of the Thirteenth Floor Elevators,” referencing use of the not-yet-outlawed hallucinogenic drug LSD.

Erickson’s creative output was forever altered, for better and worse, by the explosive cocktail of music and acid. With a feral yowl that telegraphed mania, the singer and songwriter led the 13th Floor Elevators through a series of hard, tripped-out late 1960s psychedelic anthems, including “You’re Gonna Miss Me,” “Slip Inside This House” and “She Lives in a Time of Her Own.”

Erickson’s death was announced by his brother, Mikel Erickson, on Facebook. “My brother Roky passed away peaceably today. Please allow us time. Music and laughter forever.”

The cause of death was not revealed.

Across a trio of Elevators albums and a dozen solo albums, Erickson’s eerie, oft-gothic lyricism illuminated a darkened world filled with gremlins, vampires, zombies, bloody hammers and two-headed dogs. “Don't shake me Lucifer,” he sang on his Halloween-recorded 1987 live album “Evil One,” “I been up all night / and no suicide clock works.”

As if the words weren’t spooky enough, Erickson’s distinctive, soaring voice sealed the deal. Jumping octaves in ways that predicted heavy-metal belters such as Ronnie James Dio and Axl Rose, he sang as if dangling from a 13th-floor window.

The 13th Floor Elevators’ work received a post-breakup boost when the writer and guitarist Lenny Kaye included “You’re Gonna Miss Me” on his seminal 1972 collection, “Nuggets: Original Artyfacts from the First Psychedelic Era, 1965–1968.” Set alongside proto-punk songs by the Seeds, the Standells and the Count Five, “You’re Gonna Miss Me” became a secret handshake among fans of hard, weird rock music.

Erickson, who was born Roger Kynard Erickson in Austin, Tex., was revered by artists including R.E.M., T Bone Burnett, ZZ Top, Doug Sahm and the Jesus and Mary Chain, all of whom covered his work on the 1990 tribute album, “Where the Pyramid Meets the Eye.” Erickson, however, never broke into the mainstream.

Not that he had much of a chance. By the end of the 1960s he’d been arrested multiple times for drug possession and admitted to the Rusk State Hospital, a mental facility in East Texas. He’d reportedly consumed hundreds of tabs of acid by then, and over the years his attendants have suggested that the drug consumption affected Erickson’s already delicate mental well-being.

“Roky lived in so many worlds, you couldn’t keep up with him,” his longtime friend Bill Bentley told Variety. “He lived so much, and not always on this planet.”

Despite Erickson’s mental struggles, his voice could hardly be contained, and after retreating from the music scene for much of the 1970s, he returned to recording and continued to create work and tour as a solo artist throughout the rest of his life.

His reemergence was greeted with enthusiasm in the budding indie-rock world, most notably with his 1986 album “Don’t Slander Me.” A 2005 documentary, “You’re Gonna Miss Me,” received ample attention, even as it revealed the limits of Erickson’s capacities. In 2010, he teamed with Austin roots rock band Okkervil River for “True Love Cast Out All Evil.” True to its title, the work found Erickson on more solid ground, and less worried about monsters, than he once was.

Some of his most crucial solo work was recently resurrected for reissue by the acclaimed Light in the Attic imprint, inviting yet another generation to trace the artist’s long, meandering trip.

Erickson continued to tour, and became a beloved figure in his Austin birthplace. During an outdoor set in the ‘00s as part of the city’s annual South by Southwest music conference, his stage presence was as endearing as it was curious.

He dotted his concise between-song banter — “Thank you!” — with gleeful giggles. At times he seemed surprised that people were there watching him. At others, he tapped into the music, howled and reconnected with the present.

He leaned into “You’re Gonna Miss Me” as if making his case for the first time. “I gave you the warning — but you never heeded it,” he sang. “How can you say you miss my loving — when you never needed it?”

After another pleading verse, Erickson moved into the chorus with a gleeful sense of vindication: “You didn’t realize,” he sang, rubbing it in through repetition. “You’re gonna miss me.” By the time the song faded out, few doubters remained.

Living in the small town South and attending a Baptist College, this music was an exception to the rule. No more Beach Boys and Four Seasons, this was an assault on our ears and our minds. It was the name of the band that drew me to the album, but it was the music that kept me coming back. It was a unique sound that soon became a favorite.

Unfortunately, it was not a sound that was embraced by many and that was truly a shame. The Iron Butterfly and Vanilla Fudge would become more successful and the entire psychedelic movement came about because of them.

Rest well.

Thursday, May 30, 2019

Unintentionally Funny


The United States military loves slapping an acronym on anything that moves. Actually, things that don’t move are equally likely to be described with a jumble of letters when words would do the trick just fine. Sometimes it’s obvious that the acronym-izer should’ve put more thought into the process, and we get some unintentionally hilarious descriptors:

1. PMS -- Professor of Military Science

2. MANPADS -- Man-Portable Air-Defense System

3. MANCOC -- Maneuver Advanced NCO Course

4. DICC -- Defense Intelligence Collection Cell

5. DISCO -- Defense Industrial Security Clearance Office

6. MAGIC CARPET -- Maritime Augmented Guidance with Integrated Controls for Carrier Approach and recovery Precision Enabling Technologies.

7. DRBOB -- Defense Resale Business Optimization Board

8. FARP -- Forward Area Refueling Point

9. FAP -- Fleet Assistance Program

10. BLT -- Battalion Landing Team

11. AOC -- Army Operating Concept

Tuesday, May 28, 2019

Survivor’s of the 30’s thru 70’s


To all the kids who survived the 1930s, '40s, '50s, '60s and '70s!!

 First, we survived being born to mothers who may have smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.

 We were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with brightly colored lead-based paints.

 We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors or cabinets, and, when we rode our bikes, we had baseball caps, not helmets, on our heads.

 As infants and children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, no booster seats, no seat belts, no air bags, bald tires and sometimes no brakes.

 Riding in the back of a pick- up truck on a warm day was always a special treat.

 We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.

 We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one actually died from this.

 We ate cupcakes, white bread, real butter, and bacon. We drank Kool-Aid made with real white sugar and we weren't overweight. Why? Because we were always outside playing...that's why!

 We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. And, we were okay.

 We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride them down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve that problem.

 We did not have Play Stations, Nintendo and X-boxes. There were no video games, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVDs, no surround-sound or CDs, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet and no chat rooms. We had friends and we went outside and found them!

 We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth, and there were no lawsuits from those accidents.

 We would get spankings with wooden spoons, switches, ping-pong paddles, or just a bare hand, and no one would call child services to report abuse.

 We ate worms, and mud pies made from dirt, and those worms did not live in us forever.

 We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, .22 rifles for our 12th, rode horses, made up games with sticks and tennis balls, and - although we were told it would happen - we did not put out very many eyes.

 We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them.

 Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!

 The idea of our parents bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

Our generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers, and inventors ever. The past 50 To 85 years have seen an explosion of innovation and new ideas..

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.

If YOU are one of those born between 1925-1970, CONGRATULATIONS!

Sunday, May 26, 2019

Missing Wife


A husband went to the sheriff's department to report that his wife was missing. The following conversation ensued:

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home...

Sergeant: What is her height?

Husband: Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant: Weight?

Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant: Color of eyes?

Husband: Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.

Sergeant: Color of hair?

Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can’t remember.

Sergeant: What was she wearing?

Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.

Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in?

Husband: She went in my truck.

Sergeant: What kind of truck was it?

Husband: A 2015 Ford F150 King Ranch 4X4 with eco-boost 5.0L V8 engine special ordered with manual transmission and climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, which has a matching aftermarket bed liner. Custom leather 6-way seats and 'Bubba' floor mats. Trailering package with gold hitch and special wiring hook-ups. DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio receiver, 23-channel CB radio, six cup holders, a USB port, and four power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Michelin's. It has custom running boards and indirect wheel well lighting. (VIN) #1HGBH41JXMN109186.

At this point the husband started choking up.

Sergeant: Don't worry buddy. We'll find your truck.

Thursday, May 16, 2019

AGENT TO THE STARS by John Scalzi


From New York Times bestseller and Hugo Award-winner, John Scalzi, a trade paperback repackage of his gleeful mash-up of science fiction and Hollywood satire—now with a new cover and intro!

The space-faring Yherajk have come to Earth to meet us and to begin humanity's first interstellar friendship. There's just one problem: they're hideously ugly and smell like rotting fish.

So getting humanity's trust is a challenge. The Yherajk need someone who can help them close the deal.

Enter Thomas Stein, who knows something about closing deals. He's one of Hollywood's hottest young agents. But although Stein may have just concluded the biggest deal of his career, it's quite another thing to negotiate for an entire alien race. To earn his percentage this time, he's going to need all the smarts, skills, and wits he can muster.

"A remarkably intelligent first-contact yarn, this book is absurd, funny, and satirically perceptive." —Booklist

"Thoughtful and down-to-Earth, Agent to the Stars is a thoroughly enjoyable work, reminiscent of Robert A. Heinlein or Spider Robinson, and a nice change of pace from the less optimistic SF out there." —SFSite.com

JOHN SCALZI is one of the most popular and acclaimed SF authors to emerge in the last decade. His massively successful debut Old Man's War won him science fiction's John W. Campbell Award for Best New Writer. His New York Times bestsellers include The Last Colony, Fuzzy Nation, and Redshirts;which won 2013's Hugo Award for Best Novel. Material from his widely read blog, Whatever, has also earned him two other Hugo Awards. Scalzi also serves as critic-at-large for LA Times. He lives in Ohio with his wife and daughter.

On sale May 28, 2019 from Tor Books. 9781250176516. $18.99 USD.

Tuesday, May 14, 2019

Richard Timothy "Tim" Bolgeo, APRIL 15, 1949 – MAY 12, 2019

Richard Timothy “Uncle Timmy” Bolgeo, age 70, of Hixson, passed away on Sunday, May 12, 2019.

He was born in Memphis, Tennessee to the late Mary Margaret and Frank Louis “Pete” Bolgeo. Tim served our country in the United States Air Force. He received his Bachelor’s Degree in Electrical Engineering from Christian Brothers College in Memphis, Tennessee.

Tim was a retired electrical engineer with over 40 years with the Tennessee Valley Authority.

He was a longtime member of St. Jude Catholic Church. A lifetime reader of Science Fiction and Fantasy, Uncle Timmy was Founder and Chairman of Liberty Con 1 – 25, an original Board Member and Chairman of ChattaCon 7 – 11, and a staff member at numerous conventions throughout the southeast. He was the long running Editor/Publisher of the Fanzines The LibertyCon Newsletter (1987-1997) and The Revenge of Hump Day! (1997 to 2018).

He was also preceded in death by a brother, John Joseph Bolgeo. Tim is survived by his wife of almost 49 years, Linda Vannucci Bolgeo; children, Brandy Bolgeo Spraker and Jason (Jamie) Bolgeo; grandchildren, Alexander and Elizabeth Bolgeo Spraker and Tristan Bolgeo; siblings, Patricia (Archie) Stavrum and Robert Bolgeo; as well as many nieces and nephews. The family will receive friends from 4 to 5:30 pm on Thursday, May 16 at St. Jude Catholic Church, 930 Ashland Terrace, Chattanooga, TN 37415. A Mass of Celebration will follow at 5:30 pm on Thursday at St. Jude Catholic Church with Father Charlie Burton officiating.

In lieu of flowers, memorial contributions may be made in Tim’s name to the Sisters of Charity of Nazareth, Retirement Fund, P. O. Box 9, Nazareth, Kentucky 40048 Arrangements are by the North Chapel of Chattanooga Funeral Home, Crematory and Florist, 5401 Highway 153, Hixson, TN 37343.

Tim was one of my oldest friends in fandom. It was close to 40 years ago when we met at the DeepSouthCon in Birmingham. We maintained our friendship at other DSCs, ChattaCons, and LibertyCons (of course) which I attended as a fan and often times as a guest, panelist, or just a normal fan. He was almost bigger than life. He was known world wide, not just in the South.

The world has lost a spokesman for the science fiction field; the South has lost a true Southern Gentleman; his family has lost a patriarch; and I have lost a friend.

I'll catch you on the next bend of the river with Phil Farmer ...

THE ANDROID’S DREAM by John Scalzi


From New York Times bestseller and Hugo Award-winner John Scalzi, a trade paperback repackage of his wild-and-woolly caper novel of interstellar diplomacy—now with a new cover and intro!

A human diplomat creates an interstellar incident when he kills an alien diplomat in a most . . . unusual . . . way. To avoid war, Earth's government must find an equally unusual object: a type of sheep ("The Android's Dream"), used in the alien race's coronation ceremony.

To find the sheep, the government turns to Harry Creek, ex-cop, war hero and hacker extraordinaire, who, with the help of a childhood friend turned artificial intelligence, scours the earth looking for the rare creature. But there are others with plans for the sheep as well. Mercenaries employed by the military. Adherents of a secret religion based on the writings of a 21st century SF author. And alien races, eager to start a revolution on their homeworld and a war on Earth.

To keep our planet from being enslaved, Harry will have to pull off a grand diplomatic coup, a gambit that will take him from the halls of power to the lava-strewn battlefields of alien worlds. There's only one chance to get it right, to save the life of the sheep—and to protect the future of humanity.

"With plenty of alien gore to satisfy fans of military SF and inventive jabs at pretend patriotism and self-serving civil service, Scalzi delivers an effervescent but intelligent romp." —Publishers Weekly

"The whip-smart writing exudes his enjoyment in such a way that almost guarantees the reader will take pleasure in the story as well...Humor is hard to do well; it has to be natural, non-intrusive and funny at the same time. Scalzi pulls it off exceptionally well." —SFSignal.com

JOHN SCALZI is one of the most popular and acclaimed SF authors to emerge in the last decade. His massively successful debut Old Man's War won him science fiction's John W. Campbell Award for Best New Writer. His New York Times bestsellers include The Last Colony, Fuzz y Nation, and Redshirts;which won 2013's Hugo Award for Best Novel. Material from his widely read blog, Whatever, has also earned him two other Hugo Awards. Scalzi also serves as critic-at-large for LA Times. He lives in Ohio with his wife and daughter.

On sale May 28, 2019 from Tor Books. 9781250174758. $18.99 USD.

Monday, May 13, 2019

The Light Brigade by Kameron Hurley (UK Only)


For my readers in the United Kingdom, this is available for you from Angry Robot book.

Soldiers are broken into light and sent to the front line of a brutal interplanetary war, in this brilliant military SF from the Hugo Award­­-winning author of The Stars Are Legion.

The Light Brigade
: it’s what soldiers fighting the war against Mars call the ones who come back…different. Grunts in the corporate corps get broken into light, traveling from interplanetary battlefronts. Everyone is changed by what the corps must do. Those who survive learn to stick to the mission brief — no matter what happens during combat.

Dieter, a fresh recruit in the infantry, begins to experience combat drops which don’t sync up with the platoon’s. And the bad drops tell a story of war that’s not what the corporate brass want the soldiers to think it is. Is Dietz really experiencing the war differently, or is it combat madness? Trying to survive with sanity intact, Dietz is ready to become a hero — or maybe even a villain. In war it’s hard to tell the difference.

Sunday, May 12, 2019

FUZZY NATION by John Scalzi


From New York Times bestseller and Hugo Award-winner John Scalzi, a trade paperback repackage of his extraordinary retelling of the SF classic Little Fuzzy—now with a new cover and intro!

ZaraCorp holds the right to extract unlimited resources from the verdant planet Zarathustra—as long as the planet is certifiably free of native sentients. So when an outback prospector discovers a species of small, appealing bipeds who might well turn out to be intelligent, language-using beings, it's a race to stop the corporation from "eliminating the problem," which is to say, eliminating the Fuzzies—wide-eyed, ridiculously cute small furry creatures—who are as much people as we are.

“A perfectly executed plot clicks its way to a stunning courtroom showdown in a cathartic finish that will thrill Fuzzy fans old and new.” —Publishers Weekly, starred review

“In a genre flooded with bloated epics, it's a real pleasure to read a story like this, as compactly and directly told as a punch to the stomach.” —Kirkus Reviews, starred review

JOHN SCALZI is one of the most popular and acclaimed SF authors to emerge in the last decade. His massively successful debut Old Man's War won him science fiction's John W. Campbell Award for Best New Writer. His New York Times bestsellers include The Last Colony, Fuzzy Nation, and Redshirts;which won 2013's Hugo Award for Best Novel. Material from his widely read blog, Whatever, has also earned him two other Hugo Awards. Scalzi also serves as critic-at-large for LA Times. He lives in Ohio with his wife and daughter.

On sale May 28, 2019 from Tor Books. 9781250174642. $18.99 USD.

Saturday, May 11, 2019

Five Unicorn Flush by TJ Berry

Only one woman with a magical parasite can unite the galaxy, in the mind-blowing SF sequel to Space Unicorn Blues

Reasonspace is in shambles after the disappearance of all magical creatures. Without faster-than-light travel, supply and communication routes have dried up, leaving humankind stranded and starving. Cowboy Jim and his complement of Reason soldiers search for the relocated Bala using the only surviving FTL drive. On their new utopian planet, the Bala are on the brink of civil war between those who want peace under old-fashioned unicorn rule and those who seek revenge on their human oppressors. Only Captain Jenny and her new brain parasite can stop the Reason plan to enslave the Bala again.

Available May 7 in the UK and May 28 planet wide.

Friday, May 10, 2019

STARLESS by Jacqueline Carey


Jacqueline Carey is back with an amazing adventure not seen since her New York Times bestselling Kushiel's Legacy series. Lush and sensual, Starless introduces us to an epic world where exiled gods live among us, and a hero whose journey will resonate long after the last page is turned.

I was nine years old the first time I tried to kill a man...

Destined from birth to serve as protector of the princess Zariya, Khai is trained in the arts of killing and stealth by a warrior sect in the deep desert; yet there is one profound truth that has been withheld from him.

In the court of the Sun-Blessed, Khai must learn to navigate deadly intrigue and his own conflicted identity…but in the far reaches of the western seas, the dark god Miasmus is rising, intent on nothing less than wholesale destruction.

If Khai is to keep his soul’s twin Zariya alive, their only hope lies with an unlikely crew of prophecy-seekers on a journey that will take them farther beneath the starless skies than anyone can imagine.

“Carey is at the peak of her luminous storytelling powers in a tale that will appeal to readers of Brandon Sanderson and Patrick Rothfuss, while its thought-provoking look at gender, love, and sexual preference bring to mind Ursula K. LeGuin’s The Left Hand of Darkness.”—Booklist (starred)

“Carey handles themes of duty, love, and identity with tenderness and fortitude, never pigeonholing her protagonists, and the tapestry of her characters elevates this novel above its peers.”—Publishers Weekly (starred)

JACQUELINE CAREY is the author of the New York Times bestselling Kushiel’s Legacy series of historical fantasy novels, The Sundering epic fantasy duology, postmodern fables "Santa Olivia" and "Saints Astray," and the Agent of Hel contemporary fantasy series. Carey lives in western Michigan.

On sale May 14, 2019 from Tor Books. 9780765386847. $19.99 USD.

Thursday, May 9, 2019

Time's Demon by DB Jackson

Two time-traveling heroes must change the future before they are murdered in the past, in the incredible fantasy sequel to Time’s Children

Fifteen year-old Tobias Doljan Walked back in time to prevent a war, but instead found himself trapped in an adult body, his king murdered and with an infant princess, Sofya, to protect. Now he has been joined by fellow Walker and Spanner, Mara, and together they must find a way to undo the timeline which orphaned the princess and destroyed their future. Arrayed against them are assassins who share their time-traveling powers, but have dark ambitions of their own, and the Tirribin demon, Droë, whose desperate quest for human love and Tobias leads her into alliances which threaten all of Islevale.

Currently available in the UK; it will be released on May 28 everywhere else.

Wednesday, May 8, 2019

BY FIRE ABOVE by Robyn Bennis


By Fire Above is the rip-roaring new adventure in Robyn Bennis's Signal Airship military fantasy series that New York Times bestselling author Patricia Briggs hails as “full of sass and terrific characters.”

"All's fair in love and war," according to airship captain Josette Dupre until her hometown of Durum becomes occupied by the enemy and her mother a prisoner of war. Then it becomes, "Nothing's fair except bombing those Vins to high hell."

Before she can rescue her town, however, Josette must maneuver her way through the nest of overstuffed vipers that make up Garnia's military and royal leaders in order to drum up support. The foppish and mostly tolerated Mistral crew member Lord Bernat steps in to advise her, along with his very attractive older brother.

Between noble scheming, under-trained recruits, and supply shortages, Josette and the crew of the Mistral figure out a way to return to Durum—only to discover that when the homefront turns into the frontlines, things are more dangerous than they seem.

“Marvelous, witty and action-packed steampunk with exquisite attention to detail. Bennis's writing is incredible, her vocabulary impressive, and she honest to God made me believe you could build an airship from spare parts.”—New York Times and USA Today Bestselling author Ann Aguirre

“Bennis opens and closes with fierce combat sequences and layers in knotty questions about how to distinguish between loyalty and romance from love, and balance obedience to superiors with a duty to subordinates, all starkly highlighted by life-or-death decisions forced on the characters. Readers will hear both the crackle of musket fire and the heartfelt cries of honest self-admission in this rich adventure.” —Publishers Weekly

ROBYN BENNIS is a scientist and airship aficionado living in Madison, Wisconsin. By Fire Above is the sequel to her debut novel, The Guns Above.

On sale May 07, 2019 from Tor Books. 9780765388810. $18.99 USD.

Tuesday, May 7, 2019

Broken Shadow by Jaine Fenn

This book is currently available at your favorite bookseller.

The sky is falling, and only one dilettante scientist can save the world, in the startling finale of the Shadowlands duology

Rhia Harlyn risks death for science. Accused of heresy for promoting an unorthodox cosmology, she must defend herself, her work and her House alone. If only she could rely on her feckless brother Etyan, transformed through the combination of an occult scientist’s experiments and the harsh rays of the skyland sun. But she knows she cannot.

When Dej, Etyan’s half-alien lover, finally uncovers Etyan’s dark secret she runs off into the perilous skyland. She is looking for peace in a world that has rejected her; what she discovers instead will change everyone’s lives.

Meanwhile, overhead, the very stars themselves are shifting. Rhia is about to find herself proved disastrously right...

Monday, May 6, 2019

Then and Now

1945 - NCO's had a typewriter on their desks for doing daily reports.
2016 - Everyone has an internet access computer, and they wonder why no work is getting done.

1945 - We painted pictures of girls on airplanes to remind us of home.
2016 - They put the real thing in the cockpit.

1945 - Your girlfriend was at home praying you would return alive.
2016 - She is in the same trench praying your condom worked.

1945 - If you got drunk off duty your buddies would take you back to the barracks to sleep it off.
2016 - If you get drunk they slap you in rehab and ruin your career.

1945 - You were taught to aim at your enemy and shoot him.
2016 - You spray 500 bullets into the brush, don't hit anything, and retreat because you're out of ammo.

1945 - Canteens were made of steel, and you could heat coffee or hot chocolate in them.
2016 - Canteens are made of plastic, you can't heat anything in them, and they always taste like plastic.

1945 - Officers were professional soldiers first and they commanded respect.
2016 - Officers are politicians first and beg not to be given a wedgie.

1945 - They collected enemy intelligence and analyzed it.
2016 - They collect your pee and analyze it.

1945 - If you didn't act right, the Sergeant Major put you in the brig until you straightened up.
2016 - If you don't act right, they start a paper trail that follows you forever.

1945 - Medals were awarded to heroes who saved lives at the risk of their own.
2016 - Medals are awarded to people who work at headquarters.

1945 - You slept in barracks like a soldier.
2016 - You sleep in a dormitory like a college kid.

1945 - You ate in a mess hall, which was free, and you could have all the food you wanted.
2016 - You eat in a dining facility, every slice of bread or pad of butter costs, and you better not take too much.

1945 - We defeated powerful countries like Germany and Japan.
2016 - We come up short against Iraq and Afghanistan.

1945 - If you wanted to relax, you went to the rec center, played pool, smoked and drank beer.
2016 - You go to the community center, and you can play pool.

1945 - If you wanted beer and conversation you went to the NCO or Officers' Club.
2016 - The beer will cost you $2.75, membership is forced, and someone is watching how much you drink.

1945 - The Exchange had bargains for soldiers who didn't make much money.
2016 - You can get better and cheaper merchandise at Walmart.

1945 - We could recognize the enemy by their Nazi helmets.
2016 - We are wearing Nazi Helmets

Sunday, May 5, 2019

Shadowblade by Anna Kashina


Author of the award-winning Majat Code series brings you Shadowblade, an epic romantic fantasy about a young sword prodigy who must impersonate a lost princess and throw her life into a deadly political game.

Naia dreams of becoming a Jaihar Blademaster, but after assaulting a teacher, her future seems ruined. The timely intervention of a powerful stranger suddenly elevates her into elite training of the upper grounds.

She has no idea that the stranger is Dal Gassan, head of the Daljeer Circle. Seventeen years ago he witnessed the massacre of Challimar’s court and rescued its sole survivor, a baby girl. And Gassan plans to thrust a blade into the machinations of imperial succession: Naia.

Disguised as the legendary Princess Xarimet of Challimar, Naia must challenge the imperial family and win. Losing means certain death, but in victory she would forsake everything she holds dear – even the man she loves.

Available now in the UK and everywhere else on May 21.

Saturday, May 4, 2019

Husbands and Wives (Part 2)


Avocados


"Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had avocados."

Note: If you're a woman, I'm sure you're going back to read it again! Men will get it the first time.


Carburetor Water

WIFE: "There is trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."

HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous”
WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."

HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?

WIFE: "In the pool"


Mental Illness


25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness.

That's scary. It means 75% are running around untreated.

Cell Phone

A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decided to buy her a cell phone. He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features.

Meg was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone.

The next day Meg went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her astonishment, it was her husband on the other end.

"Hi Meg," he said, "how do you like your new phone?"

Meg replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand though..."

"What's that, sweetie?" asked her husband.

"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"

Wednesday, May 1, 2019

NAVY DRAFTING NEW GUIDELINES FOR UFO REPORTING

The U.S. Navy is drafting new guidelines for pilots and other personnel to report encounters with "unidentified aircraft," a significant new step in creating a formal process to collect and analyze the unexplained sightings — and destigmatize them. The previously unreported move is in response to a series of sightings of unknown, highly advanced aircraft intruding on Navy strike groups and other sensitive military formations and facilities, the service says.

"There have been a number of reports of unauthorized and/or unidentified aircraft entering various military controlled ranges and designated air space in recent years," the Navy said in a statement in response to questions from POLITICO. "For safety and security concerns, the Navy and the [U.S. Air Force] takes these reports very seriously and investigates each and every report. "As part of this effort," it added, "the Navy is updating and formalizing the process by which reports of any such suspected incursions can be made to the cognizant authorities. A new message to the fleet that will detail the steps for reporting is in draft."

To be clear, the Navy isn’t endorsing the idea that its sailors have encountered alien spacecraft. But it is acknowledging there have been enough strange aerial sightings by credible and highly trained military personnel that they need to be recorded in the official record and studied — rather than dismissed as some kooky phenomena from the realm of science-fiction. Chris Mellon, a former Pentagon intelligence official and ex-staffer on the Senate Intelligence Committee, said establishing a more formal means of reporting what the military now calls "unexplained aerial phenomena" — rather than "unidentified flying objects" — would be a “sea change.”
“Right now, we have situation in which UFOs and UAPs are treated as anomalies to be ignored rather than anomalies to be explored,” he said. “We have systems that exclude that information and dump it.” For example, Mellon said “in a lot of cases [military personnel] don’t know what to do with that information — like satellite data or a radar that sees something going Mach 3. They will dump [the data] because that is not a traditional aircraft or missile.”

The development comes amid growing interest from members of Congress following revelations by POLITICO and the New York Times in late 2017 that the Pentagon established a dedicated office inside the Defense Intelligence Agency to study UAPs at the urging of several senators who secretly set aside appropriations for the effort. That office spent some $25 million conducting a series of technical studies and evaluating numerous unexplained incursions, including one that lasted several days involving the USS Nimitz Carrier Strike Group in 2004. In that case, Navy fighter jets were outmaneuvered by unidentified aircraft that flew in ways that appeared to defy the laws of known physics. Raytheon, a leading defense contractor, used the reports and official Defense Department video of the sightings off the coast of California to hail one of its radar systems for capturing the phenomena.

The Pentagon's UFO research office, known as the Advanced Aerospace Threat Identification Program, was officially wound down in 2012 when the congressional earmark ran out. But more lawmakers are now asking questions, the Navy also reports. "In response to requests for information from Congressional members and staff,

Navy officials have provided a series of briefings by senior Naval Intelligence officials as well as aviators who reported hazards to aviation safety," the service said in its statement to POLITICO. The Navy declined to identify who has been briefed, nor would it provide more details on the guidelines for reporting that are being drafted for the fleet. The Air Force did not immediately respond to a request for comment.
Advocates for treating such sightings as a potential national security threat have long criticized military leaders for giving the phenomenon relatively little attention and for encouraging a culture in which personnel feel that speaking up about it could hurt their career. Luis Elizondo, the former Pentagon official who ran the so-called AATIP office, complained after he retired from government service that the Pentagon's approach to these unidentified aircraft has
been far too blasé.
[Source: POLITICO | Bryan Bender | April 23, 2019 ++]

Thursday, April 25, 2019

When Insults Had Class

When Insults Had Class

These glorious insults are from an era "before" the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words:

o A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

o "He had delusions of adequacy" -Walter Kerr

o "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." -Winston Churchill

o "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." -Clarence Darrow

o "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." -William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

o "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." -Moses Hadas

o "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." -Mark Twain

o "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." -Oscar Wilde

o "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one." -George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill.

o "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." -Winston Churchill in response

o "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." -Stephen Bishop

o "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." -John Bright

o "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." -Irvin S. Cobb

o "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." -Samuel Johnson

o "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." -Paul Keating

o "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." -Charles, Count Talleyrand

o "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." -Forrest Tucker

o "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" -Mark Twain

o "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." -Mae West

o "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." -Oscar Wilde

o "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." -Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

o "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." -Billy Wilder

o "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But I'm afraid this wasn't it." -Groucho Marx

Tuesday, April 23, 2019

Why People Aren't Buying Harleys


The Real Reason Harley Davidsons Aren't Selling

The reasons for the slump in sales at HD are not President Trump's fault.

Apparently the Baby-Boomers all have motorcycles. Generation X is only buying a few, and the next generation isn't buying any at all.

A recent study was done to find out why Millennial's don't ride motorcycles:

1. Pants won't pull up far enough for them to straddle the seat.

2. Can't get their phone to their ear with a helmet on.

3. Can't use 2 hands to eat while driving.

4. They don't get a trophy and a recognition plaque just for buying one.

5. Don't have enough muscle to hold the bike up when stopped.

6. Might have a bug hit them in the face and then they would need emergency care.

7. Motorcycles don't have air conditioning.

8. They can't afford one because they spent 10 years in college trying to get a degree in Humanities, Social Studies or Gender Studies for which no jobs are available.

9. They are allergic to fresh air.

10. Their pajamas get caught on the exhaust pipes.

11. They might get their hands dirty checking the oil.

12. The handle bars have buttons and levers and cannot be controlled by touch-screen.

13. You have to shift manually and use something called a clutch.

14. It's too hard to take selfies while riding.

15. They don't come with training wheels like their bicycles did.

16. Motorcycles don't have power steering or power brakes.

17. Their nose ring interferes with the face shield.

18. They would have to use leg muscle to back up.

19. When they stop, a light breeze might blow exhaust in their face.

20. It could rain on them and expose them to non-soft water.

21. It might scare their therapy dog, and then the dog would need therapy.

22. Can't get the motorcycle down the basement stairs of their parent's home.

Sunday, April 21, 2019

A Respite


An exceptionally cranky woman "in her twilight years" was arrested for shoplifting at a grocery store.

She gave everyone a hard time, from the store manager to the security guard to the arresting officer who took her away.

She complained and criticized everything and everyone throughout the process.

When she appeared before the judge, the judge asked her what she had stolen from the store.

The lady defiantly replied, "Just a stupid can of peaches you old fool."

The judge then asked why she had done it.

She replied, "I was hungry and forgot to bring any money with me."

The judge asked how many peaches were in the can.

She replied in a nasty tone, "Nine! But why do you care about that?"

The judge answered patiently, "Well, ma'am, because I'm going to give you nine days in jail --one day for each peach."

As the judge was about to drop his gavel, the lady's long-suffering husband raised his hand slowly and asked if he might speak.

The judge said, "Yes sir, what do you have to add?"

The husband said meekly, "Yes Your Honor. She also stole two cans of peas."

Monday, April 15, 2019

THE STONE IN THE SKULL by Elizabeth Bear



Hugo Award–winning author Elizabeth Bear returns to her critically acclaimed epic fantasy world of the Eternal Sky with a brand new trilogy.

Best SFF Books 2017—The Guardian

Kirkus Best Science Fiction and Fantasy of 2017

The Verge Recommended Fantasy for 2017

Locus 2017 Recommended Reading List

The Stone in the Skull, the first volume in her new trilogy, takes readers over the dangerous mountain passes of the Steles of the Sky and south into the Lotus Kingdoms.

The Gage is a brass automaton created by a wizard of Messaline around the core of a human being. His wizard is long dead, and he works as a mercenary. He is carrying a message from the most powerful sorcerer of Messaline to the Rajni of the Lotus Kingdom. With him is The Dead Man, a bitter survivor of the body guard of the deposed Uthman Caliphate, protecting the message and the Gage. They are friends, of a peculiar sort.

They are walking into a dynastic war between the rulers of the shattered bits of a once great Empire.

“Elizabeth Bear sweeps the reader into a world of ravishing detail.”—Huffington Post

“Glorious and dramatic.”—Publishers Weekly, starred review

“A panoramic drama that grabs and grips from Page 1 . . . vivid, absorbing, and thrilling.”—Kirkus Reviews(starred review)

ELIZABETH BEAR was the recipient of the John W. Campbell Award for Best New Writer in 2005. She has won two Hugo Awards for her short fiction, a Sturgeon Award, and the Locus Award for Best First Novel. Her novels include Karen Memory and The Eternal Sky Trilogy. Bear lives in Brookfield, Massachusetts.

On sale April 30, 2019 from Tor Books. 9780765380142. $18.99 USD.

Thursday, April 11, 2019

Observations from Last Week

MONDAY

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex...

Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor.

The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.

Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the mother told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.

The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, saying, 'Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!'

TUESDAY

Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland.

As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used.

She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.

'These' she explained, 'Are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.'

She then asked, 'What do you do in America with your old goats?'

A spry old gentleman answered, 'They send us on bus tours!

WEDNESDAY

Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.

With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.

After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.'

The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.

'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed 'For me?'

'Just take two,' Brenda replied. 'The rest are for your father.'

THURSDAY

One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman..

She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly.

Brought before the court, on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense.

'Your Honour,' she began coolly, 'I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could fly.'

FRIDAY


A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa .

'The material we put into our stomachs is enoughto have killed most of us sitting here, years ago... Red meat is awful.

Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.

Chinese food is loaded with MSG.

High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.

However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?'

After several seconds of quiet,a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, 'Wedding Cake.'

SATURDAY

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word.

His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?'

Bob replies, 'Girlfriend? She's my wife!'

They are knocked over, but continue to ask.

'So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?'

'I lied about my age', Bob replies.

'What, did you tell her you were only 50?'

Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 90.'

SUNDAY

A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand.

He said, 'Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!'

The preacher said, 'Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity.'

The man said, 'I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!'

The preacher said, 'No shit?'

Tuesday, April 9, 2019

The Potato Family Saga


Potato Family Saga

A girl Potato and boy Potato had eyes for each other, and finally they got married and had a little sweet potato which they called 'Yam,'

Of course, they wanted the best for Yam, and when it was time, they told her about the facts of life.

They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed, and get a bad name for herself like 'Hot Potato,' and end up with a bunch of tater tots.

Yam said not to worry, no spud would get her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her, but on the other hand she wouldn't stay home and become a couch potato either.

She would get plenty of exercise so as not to be skinny like her shoestring cousins.When she went off to Europe, Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out for the hard-boiled guys from Ireland and the greasy guys from France--called the French fries.

Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn't associate with those high-class Yukon Golds, or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks that say, 'Frito Lay.'

Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that's Potato University) so that when she graduated she'd really be in the chips.

But, in spite of all they did for her, one-day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry Tom Brokaw.

Tom Brokaw! Mr. and Mrs.Potato were very upset.

They told Yam she couldn't possibly marry Tom Brokaw because he's just.....

Are you ready for this?

Are you sure?

OK!Here it is!

A Commontater-o-o-O-o-o-

Sunday, April 7, 2019

Pun-0graphy


Pun-ography


When radiologists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.

PMS jokes aren't funny, period.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me !

Broken pencils are pointless. I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded the dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

Velcro -what a rip off!

Cartoonist found dead in the home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner? Oh, deer!

Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.

Never fall in love with a tennis player because to a tennis player, love means nothing.

Wednesday, April 3, 2019

An Interview with Crispin Hellion Glover



An Interview with Crispin Hellion Glover


American Gods Season 2 2019

Crispin Hellion Glover has appeared in a wide variety of projects with Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter, Back to the Future, Wild at Heart, The Doors, What’s Eating Gilbert Grape, The People vs. Larry Flynt, Charlie’s Angels, Willard(the remake), Beowulf, Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland, Hot Tub Time Machine to name a few. He can currently be seen on both season’s of American Gods as the ever imposing Mr. World.

Not one to be idle long Crispin is also getting ready to kick off the next leg of his tour Monday, April 1, 2019. The tour features showings of his films It is fine! EVERYTHING IS FINE. And the first part of the “It” trilogy, What is it? Which are offered up in different combinations that vary by venue along with Crispin Hellion Glover’s Big Slide Show which features an hour-long dramatic reading of eight lavishly illustrated books he has made over the course of his days.

Upcoming dates can be found at http://www.crispinglover.com/



You have said that as a child you learned from your schooling that it is good to question things. How has that served you well in your life so far? Why do you think it is important for one to always question things?

It suppose it depends on where one wants to rank in life. If someone wishes to follow group values then it is not necessarily as important to question. But if someone wishes to seek out truth and to innovate then it is important to question things.

What was it like to appear on such shows as Happy Days and Family Ties at such a young age?


I had been studying acting professional starting at age 15 and had been working professionally since age 13 so I thought of it as work, and a challenge to do good work as an actor.

What was it about acting that inspired you to pursue it professionally at such an early age? What do you love about it most?

I was raised in a middle-class income household as opposed to an upper-class household, so I knew I had to make money to support myself and that I would not be supported by my parents after age 18. Because my father was making a living at it and my mother had retired at both a dancer and actress seemed like a plausible vocation.


Who were some of your influences in the world of acting?

I started viewing films in repertory cinemas when I was 16 that were showing classic films from the ’20s through the ’70s.

Do you think you inherited some of your talent and drive to succeed from your parents? What were they like as individuals? What would you say is the most important thing you learned from each of them?

I’m not certain if inherited is the correct word, but I’m sure the environment I grew up in instilled an appreciation for professionalism in the film world.

My mother was passionate about dance. She was in the San Francisco ballet company and then moved to NYC and danced and acted in Broadway and toured with musicals. She remained going to ballet class til just before she died almost three years ago.

My father was working in theater in NYC. My parents met at a theater audition. I was born in NYC and we moved to LA when my father started getting more work as an actor in LA than in NYC.

The most important thing I learned from them is probably the reality of work in the theater/film as a professional venture.

How have you changed most since your early days?

My energy is different. In certain ways I’m very much the same as a child and in other ways I’m different. I feel like my artistic interests, although more mature, are pretty similar to when I was a child.


How did it feel to play Andy Warhol in The Doors? Are you a fan of his work yourself?

To my knowledge I was the first person to portray Andy Warhol in a feature film. I met and spoke with Andy Warhol at the wedding of Madonna and Sean Penn. It was right after Back to the Future had come out which he had apparently seen. I did not speak with him for so long but definitely enough to get an idea about him. He was quite nice to me. I stood back and looked at him and watched how he held himself and thought he would be an interesting person to play. I pursued the role when I heard there was an Andy Warhol role in the Doors movie. I had met Oliver Stone previously for Platoon which I was not in, but we had a good meeting. I auditioned and I got the role. I asked for some of the lines to be removed and Oliver Stone obliged. He was excellent to work with. Oliver Stone also produced Milos Foreman’s People vs. Larry Flynt which I had a great time working on.

Are you enjoying getting to play Mr. World on American Gods? What do you like most about that particular character? What do you find is the most interesting aspect of that series? Do you find the modern Gods pale in comparison to the elder ones when it comes to personality and character?

I’m glad to play Mr. World. My first film What is it? is my psychological reaction to the corporate constraints that have happened in the last 20 to 35 years in film making. These constraints have led to a certain kind of corporate propaganda and I was fascinated when I found out I was being offered a character that was an embodiment of something along the lines of what my first film was about. Part of what is interesting about Neil Gaiman’s beautiful book is that the masks of the various gods fall off so to speak and the thoughts that create the gods sort of merge into new different versions of similar ideas. It touches on the concept of ideas forming gods.


What led you to form your own publishing company with Volcanic Eruptions? What do enjoy most about creating your own books for the world’s enjoyment?

The live aspects of the shows are not to be underestimated. This is a large part of how I bring audiences in to the theater and a majority of how I recoup is by what is charged for the live show and what I make from selling the books after the shows.

For “Crispin Hellion Glover’s Big Slide Show” I perform a one-hour dramatic narration of eight different books I have made over the years. The books are taken from old books from the 1800’s that have been changed into different books from what they originally were. They are heavily illustrated with original drawings and reworked images and photographs.

I started making my books in 1983 for my own enjoyment without the concept of publishing them. I had always written and drawn and the books came as an accidental outgrowth of that. I was in an acting class in 1982 and down the block was an art gallery that had a book store upstairs. In the book store there was a book for sale that was an old binding taken from the 1800’s and someone had put their art work inside the binding. I thought this was a good idea and set out to do the same thing. I worked a lot with India ink at the time and was using the India ink on the original pages to make various art. I had always liked words in art and left some of the words on one of the pages. I did this again a few pages later and then when I turned the pages I noticed that a story started to naturally form and so I continued with this. When I was finished with the book I was pleased with the results and kept making more of them. I made most of the books in the ’80s and very early ’90’s. Some of the books utilize text from the binding it was taken from and some of them are basically completely original text. Sometimes I would find images that I was inspired to create stories for or sometimes it was the binding or sometimes it was portions of the texts that were interesting. Altogether, I made about twenty of them. When I was editing my first feature film What is it? There was a reminiscent quality to the way I worked with the books because as I was expanding the film in to a feature from what was originally going to be a short, I was taking film material that I had shot for a different purpose originally and re-purposed it for a different idea and I was writing and shooting and ultimately editing at the same time. Somehow I was comfortable with this because of similar experiences with making my books.

When I first started publishing the books in 1988 people said I should have book readings. But the books are so heavily illustrated and the way the illustrations are used within the books they help to tell the story so the only way for the books to make sense was to have visual representations of the images. This is why I knew a slide show was necessary. It took a while but in 1992 I started performing what I now call Crispin Hellion Glover’s Big Side Show Part 1. The content of that show has not changed since I first started performing it. But the performance of the show has become more dramatic as opposed to more of a reading. The books do not change but the performance of the show, of course, varies slightly from show to show based the audience’s energy and my energy.

People sometimes get confused as to what “Crispin Hellion Glover’s Big Slide Show (Parts 1&2)” is so now I always let it be known that it is a one-hour dramatic narration of eight different profusely illustrated books that I have made over the years. The illustrations from the books are projected behind me as I perform the show. There is a second slide show now that also has 8 books. Part 2 is performed if I have a show with Part 1 of the “IT” trilogy and then on the subsequent night I will perform the second slide show and Part 2 of the “IT” trilogy. The second slide show has been developed over the last several years and the content has changed as it has been developed, but I am very happy with the content of the second slide show now.

The books and films are all narrative. Sometimes people see thematic correlations between the content of my books and the content of the films.

The fact that I tour with the film helps the distribution element. I consider what I am doing to be following in the steps of vaudeville performers. Vaudeville was the main form of entertainment for most of the history of the US. It has only relatively recently stopped being the main source of entertainment, but that does not mean this live element mixed with other media is no longer viable. In fact it is apparent that it is sorely missed.

I definitely have been aware of the element of utilizing the fact that I am known from work in the corporate media I have done in the last 25 years or so. This is something I rely on for when I go on tour with my films. It lets me go to various places and have the local media cover the fact that I will be performing a one hour live dramatic narration of eight different books which are profusely illustrated and projected as I go through them, then show the film either What is it? Being 72 minutes or It is fine! EVERYTHING IS FINE being 74 minutes. Then having a Q and A and then a book signing. As I funded the films I knew that this is how I would recoup my investment even if it is a slow process.

Volcanic Eruptions was a business I started in Los Angeles in 1988 as Crispin Hellion Glover doing business as Volcanic Eruptions. It was a name to use for my book publishing company. About a year later I had a record/CD come out with a corporation called Restless Records. About when I had sold the same amount of books as CD/records had sold it was very clear to me that because I had published my own books that I had a far greater profit margin. It made me very suspicious of working with corporations as a business model. Financing/Producing my own films is based on the basic business model of my own publishing company. There are benefits and drawbacks about self distributing my own films. In this economy it seems like a touring with the live show and showing the films with a book signing is a very good basic safety net for recouping the monies I have invested in the films

There are other beneficial aspects of touring with the shows other than monetary elements.

There are benefits that I am in control of the distribution and personally supervise the monetary intake of the films that I am touring with. I also control piracy in this way because digital copy of this film is stolen material and highly prosecutable. It is enjoyable to travel and visit places, meet people, perform the shows and have interaction with the audiences and discussions about the films afterwards. The forum after the show is also not to be under-estimated as a very important part of the show for the audience.

This also makes me much more personally grateful to the individuals who come to my shows as there is no corporate intermediary. The drawbacks are that a significant amount of time and energy to promote and travel and perform the shows. Also the amount of people seeing the films is much smaller than if I were to distribute the films in a more traditional sense. The way I distribute my films is certainly not traditional in the contemporary sense of film distribution but perhaps is very traditional when looking further back at vaudeville era film distribution. If there are any filmmakers that are able to utilize aspects of what I am doing then that is good. It has taken many years to organically develop what I am doing now as far as my distribution goes.


What do you love most about the art of creation in whatever form it may come?


It is hard to distinguish at this point in time because the creative arts are also part of my day to day business, so at a certain point business merges with creation and then sometimes one is doing creation to satisfy business needs as opposed to simply create for the sake of creation itself. But that is OK. It is good to have business that merges with creative aspects.

Can you tell us a little about your tour for those that might not be familiar with what you do there?

I am very careful to make it quite clear that What is it? is not a film about Down’s Syndrome but my psychological reaction to the corporate restraints that have happened in the last 20 to 35 years in film making. Specifically anything that can possibly make an audience uncomfortable is necessarily excised or the film will not be corporately funded or distributed. This is damaging to the culture because it is the very moment when an audience member sits back in their chair looks up at the screen and thinks to their self “Is this right what I am watching? Is this wrong what I am watching? Should I be here? Should the filmmaker have made this? What is it?” -and that is the title of the film. What is it that is taboo in the culture? What does it mean that taboo has been ubiquitously excised in this culture’s media? What does it mean to the culture when it does not properly process taboo in its media? It is a bad thing because when questions are not being asked because these kinds of questions are when people are having a truly educational experience. For the culture to not be able to ask questions leads towards a non-educational experience and that is what is happening in this culture. This stupefies this culture and that is of course a bad thing. So What is it? is a direct reaction to the contents this culture’s media. I would like people to think for themselves.

The film started production as a short film in 1996. It took 9.5 years from the first day of shooting on the short film to having a 35 mm print of the feature film. I wrote it as a short film originally to promote the viability of having a majority of the characters that do not necessarily have Down’s Syndrome to be played by actors with Down’s Syndrome.

The way this came about was this. In 1996. I was approached by two young writers and aspiring filmmakers who were from Phoenix to act in a film they wanted to produce and direct. They made a monetary offer to my agents which they really should not have done as they did not actually have financing. Nonetheless, it did get me to read the screenplay which I found to be interesting. This screenplay was not What is it? I found interesting things about the screenplay and was interested in the project, but I thought there were things about the screenplay that did not work. I came up with solutions that needed re working of the screenplay and I told them I would be interested in acting in the film if I directed it. They came to LA and met with me and wanted to know my thoughts. There were quite a few things but the main things were that most of the character were to be played by actors with Down’s Syndrome. They were fine with this concept and I set about to rewrite the screenplay. David Lynch then agreed to executive produce the film for me to direct. This was very helpful and I went to one of the larger corporate entities in Los Angeles that finances films and met with them. They were interested in the project but after a number of meetings and conversations, they let me know that they were concerned about financing a project wherein most of the characters were played by actors with Down’s Syndrome. The title of this screenplay at this point had become IT IS MINE. And will become part three of the “IT” trilogy. It wasn’t known yet at this time that there would be a trilogy but it was decided that I should write a short screenplay to promote that the concept of having a majority of the characters played by actors with Down’s Syndrome was a viable things to do for corporate entities to invest in.

This is when I wrote a short screenplay entitled What is it? We shot this short screenplay in four days. I edited that over a period of six months and the first edit came in at 84 minutes. The final feature length film of What is it? is 72 minutes. So the first version of the short film is longer than the final version of the feature film, and it was too long for the material I had at the time, but I could see with more work and more material I could turn it into a feature film. Over approximately the next two years I shot 8 more days and edited this into what is now the final version of the film. I locked the edit of the film about three years after the first day of shooting what was supposed to be a short film. Then there were a number of years of very frustrating technical problems that mainly had to do with SMPTE time code. Originally I was going to make the film the now old fashioned way of a complete photochemical process and not digital intermediate. An optical house in New York that did not give me enough information to let me know that the SMPTE time code had not been properly put on when the film was telecined. During this time I worked patiently on the final sound edit of the film with a number of interns. Finally that sound edit was finished and it became apparent that the film optical house was not telling me the truth and prices had fallen during this time so I was able to make the film using a digital intermediate to ultimately go out to a 35 mm print of the film. So from the first day of shooting what was to be a short film to having a 35 mm print for the film took 9.5 years.

Sometimes people ask me if the length of time it took for me to make the film had to do with working with actors with Down’s Syndrome. This was not the case. Even though the film took many years to make much of the delay were technical issues. What is it was actually shot in a total of twelve days which was spread over several years. Twelve days is actually a very short amount of shooting days for a feature film. The most important thing about working with an actor whether they have Down’s Syndrome or not is if they have enthusiasm. Everyone in I worked with had incredible enthusiasm so they were all great to work with.


Steven C. Stewart wrote and is the main actor in part two of the trilogy titled It is fine! EVERYTHING IS FINE. I put Steve into the cast of What is it? because he had written this screenplay which I read in 1987. When I turned What is it? from a short film into a feature I realized there were certain thematic elements in the film that related to what Steven C. Stewart’s screenplay dealt with. Steve had been locked in a nursing home for about ten years when his mother died. He had been born with a severe case of cerebral palsy and he was very difficult to understand. People that were caring for him in the nursing home would derisively call him an “M.R.” short for “Mental Retard.” This is not a nice thing to say to anyone, but Steve was of normal intelligence. When he did get out he wrote his screenplay. Although it is written in the genre of a murder detective thriller truths of his own existence come through much more clearly than if he had written it as a standard autobiography. Steve had written his screenplay in the late 1970’s. I read it in 1987 and as soon as I had read it I knew I had to produce the film. Steven C. Stewart died within a month after we finished shooting the film. Cerebral palsy is not generative but Steve was 62 when we shot the film. One of Steve’s lungs had collapsed because he had started choking on his own saliva and he got pneumonia. I specifically started funding my own films with the money I make from the films I act in when Steven C. Stewart’s lung collapsed in the year 2000 this was around the same time that the first Charlie’s Angels film was coming to me. I realized with the money I made from that film I could put straight into the Steven C. Stewart film. That is exactly what happened. I finished acting in Charlie’s Angels and then went to Salt Lake City where Steven C. Stewart lived. I met with Steve and David Brothers with whom I co-directed the film. I went back to LA and acted in an lower budget film for about five weeks and David Brothers started building the sets. Then I went straight back to Salt Lake and we completed shooting the film within about six months in three separate smaller productions. Then Steve died within a month after we finished shooting. I am relieved to have gotten this film finally completed because ever since I read the screenplay in 1987 I knew I had to produce the film. Steven C. Stewart’s own true story was fascinating and then the beautiful story and the naïve including his fascination of women with long hair and the graphic violence and sexuality and the revealing truth of his psyche from the screenplay were all combined. There was a specific marriage proposal scene that was the scene I remember reading that made me say “I have to produce this film.”

I also knew I had to produce it correctly. I would not have felt right about myself if I had not gotten Steve’s film made, I would have felt that I had done something wrong and that I had actually done a bad thing if I had not gotten it made. So I am greatly relieved to have completed it especially since I am very pleased with how well the film has turned out. We shot It is fine! EVERYTHING IS FINE. while I was still completing What is it? And this is partly why What is it? took a long time to complete. I am very proud of the film as I am of What is it? I feel It is fine! EVERYTHING IS FINE. will probably be the best film I will have anything to do with in my entire career. People who are interested in when I will be back should join up on the email list at CrispinGlover.com as they will be emailed with information as to where I will be where with whatever film I tour with. It is by far the best way to know how to see the films.

After Charlie’s Angels came out it did very well financially and was good for my acting career. I started getting better roles that also paid better and I could continue using that money to finance my films that I am so truly passionate about. I have been able to divorce myself from the content of the films that I act in and look at acting as a craft that I am helping other filmmakers to accomplish what it is that they want to do. Usually filmmakers have hired me because there is something they have felt would be interesting to accomplish with using me in their film and usually I can try to do something interesting as an actor. If for some reason the director is not truly interested in doing something that I personally find interesting with the character then I can console myself that with the money I am making to be in their production I can help to fund my own films that I am so truly passionate about. Usually though I feel as though I am able to get something across as an actor that I feel good about. It has worked out well.

Steve was a genuinely great guy! It is hard to define what my relationship with Steve is/was. During the approximate 15 years I knew Steve from 1986 to his death in 2001 I would communicate with him in spurts. He started writing me short emails urging to make his film after we shot his portions of What is it? in 1996. He would write simple things like “When are we going to make the film before I kick the bucket?”

Steve was definitely gracious and had a genuinely rebellious sense of humor. If he had only had one of those qualities I probably would not have related to him as much, but the fact that he had both a sense of humor and a sense of rebellion made it so I could very much relate to him.

I personally financed the film and had taken out no insurance if Steve were to die. Steve was a strong person and I knew that he has an inner need to get this story out. He had already stayed alive by getting an operation to get this film made and I knew he would stay alive no matter what to get the film completed. About a month after we finished shooting I got a telephone call one morning and it became apparent that Steve was in the hospital with a collapsed lung again and that he was basically asking permission to take himself off life support and he wanted to know if we had enough footage to finish the film. I know that if I had said “No Steve. We do not have enough footage. You need to get better and we have to finish the film” He would have gotten whatever operation needed to get better and been happy to come back to the set and shoot. As it was we did have enough footage and it was a sad day and heavy responsibility to let him know that we would be able to complete the film.

In retrospect Steven C. Stewart was a great communicator. Steve has had great positive influence on my life and as much as I did like and enjoy Steve when he was alive, I realize even more how much he was important to me. It may sound sappy, but if Steve were here today I would be very happy to tell him how much he ultimately positively has affected my life.


What is the most challenging issue you face in bring this tour to the masses?

The largest challenge is just getting the shows booked in proper cinemas. It is not as easy to book the shows as one might think since there is a performance aspect along with 35 mm prints. Most cinemas are no longer venues that also accommodate live performances.

Can you tell us more about the film you completed shooting where you and your father Bruce appear onscreen together? What was that like?

There is a light at the end of the tunnel on my next feature film project that I have been shooting different productions segments for the last five years and am currently editing. This film is not part three of the trilogy but a film developed for my father and I to act in together for the first time.

Do you have any dream projects that you’d most like to bring into being?

I already know what film production I want to make next, but I have to complete the current production first.

What do you think is key to a life well lived?


To do things one is interested in doing.

How do you hope to be remembered when it is all said and done?


It is more important for me to just do the things I am interested in doing.

This is appearing courtesy of Tina Ayres and The Original Van Gogh's Ear Anthology. https://theoriginalvangoghsearanthology.com/2019/03/29/an-interview-with-crispin-hellion-glover-2/?fbclid=IwAR26_q1aKpEgE2-L0eYdufBzdVXTofs5AVkYlGUiG670O4RpNA2DfdaTRGY