Thursday, September 17, 2020

Only in Florida?


An elderly Floridian called 911 on his cell phone to report that his car has been broken into.

He is hysterical as he explains his situation to the dispatcher:'

They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!' he cried.

The dispatcher said, 'Stay calm... An officer is on the way.'

A few minutes later, the officer radios in 'Disregard.' He says. 'He got in the back-seat by mistake.'

Tuesday, September 15, 2020

Hearing Aides Optional...


Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, lived in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, 'Was I getting in or out of the bath?'

The 94-year-old yells back, 'I don't know. I'll come up and see.' She starts up the stairs and pauses 'Was I going up the stairs or down?'

The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters, she shakes her head and says, 'I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood...'

She then yells, 'I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door.'

#######

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day.
One remarked to the other, 'Windy, isn't it?'

'No,' the second man replied, 'it's Thursday.'

And the third man chimed in, 'So am I. Let's have a beer.'

#######

A little old lady was going up and down the halls in a nursing home.

As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say 'Supersex’.

'She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair and flipping her gown at him, she said, 'Supersex’.

'He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, 'I'll take the soup.'

#######

Two elderly gentlemen had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, 'Now don't get mad at me .... I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name!'

I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is.'

His friend stared at him for at least three minutes -- he just stared and stared at him. Finally he said, 'How soon do you need to know?'

Sunday, September 13, 2020

Elderly drivers


As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, 'Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!

''Heck,' said Herman, 'It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!'

#######

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself ' I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light.'

After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, 'Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!'

Mildred turned to her and said, 'Oh, crap, am I driving?'

Friday, September 11, 2020

Fourth Wedding, Guess the Dress Color


A woman who had been married three times walked into a bridal shop and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding.

"Of course, madam," replied the sales clerk, "exactly what type and color dress are you looking for?"

The bride-to-be said, "A long frilly white dress with a veil."

"Please don't take this the wrong way, madam, but such dresses are usually more fitting for the first time bride who is more innocent in the ways of life, if you get my meaning."


"WELL!", replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk's directness. "I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time bride.

You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding, he had a heart attack due to an unknown congenital condition as we were checking into our honeymoon hotel.

My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon hotel that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again."

"What about your third husband?"

"That one was a Democrat," said the woman, "and every night for four years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be, but nothing ever happened."

Wednesday, September 9, 2020

ReV by Madeline Ashby

The long-awaited third book in the acclaimed Machine Dynasty series

The rapture for which the vN, self-replicating humanoids, were engineered, has finally come to pass. Now that the failsafe that once kept vN from harming humans has been hacked, all vN are discovering the promise – and the peril – of free will.

With her consciousness unleashed across computer systems all across the world, the vicious vN Portia stands poised to finally achieve her lifelong dream of bringing humanity to its knees. The old battle between her and her granddaughter Amy comes to an epic conclusion in the war for the very systems that keeps the planet running. Can Amy get her family to the stars before Portia destroys every opportunity for escape and freedom?

Available from your favorite book seller.

Monday, September 7, 2020

Red Noise by John P. Murphy


Call her Jane if you need a name.

Just remember: She's not here to make friends.

Broke and out of fuel, a wildcat asteroid miner comes to Station 35 looking to sell her cargo and get back to the life of solitude that she craves. Instead, the cheating thieves who run the place leave her deep in debt.

Desperate to get away, she finds herself swept up in a three-way standoff between gangs and crooked cops. Faced with the decision to take sides or clean out the Augean Stables, she breaks out the grenades...

"Stylish, funny, action-packed, cinematic, Red Noise is the gravity-defying, bullet-lasering, Yojimbo-in-space you've been waiting for!" - Ken Liu, award-winning author of The Grace of Kings.

Available from your favorite book seller.

Saturday, September 5, 2020

The Machine Dynasty Omnibus by Madeline Ashby


The Machine Dynasty Omnibus by Madeline Ashby

For the first time, the complete epic sci-fi masterwork from the visionary mind of Madeline Ashby is collected in a single digital omnibus!​

The Machine Dynasty Omnibus includes the complete text of vN, iD, and ReV, as well as an exclusive foreword from Patrick Thaddeus Jackson, and an introduction from Anne Lauppe-Dunbar.

Available now at your favorite book store.

Thursday, September 3, 2020

Triumff by Dan Abnett

Vivat Regina!

It is the year 2010, and Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth XXX sits upon the throne of the Anglo-Hispanic Empire. Fuelled by alchemy and superstition, the Elizabethan era has endured unchallenged for almost 450 years. But now, a shadowy conspiracy threatens to bring it to a violent end…

Unfortunately for roguish adventurer Sir Rupert Triumff, lately fallen from favour at court, he makes the perfect scapegoat. If Triumff is to uncover the plot, save the Queen, and clear his name, he’ll need all his wit, skill, and charm, and every tool in his magical Swiss Army Knife. Even the nail buffer.

From the madcap mind of multi-million bestselling author Dan Abnett comes a furious maelstrom of incredible swordfights, wild invention, and truly awful puns.

Available at your favorite book store.

Bystander 27 by Rik Hoskin

Who will save you from the heroes?

For ex-Navy SEAL Jon Hayes, the super-powered ‘costumes’ are just part of ordinary life in New York City, until the day his pregnant wife Melanie is senselessly killed in a clash between Captain Light and The Jade Shade.

But as Hayes struggles to come to terms with his loss, and questions for the first time who the costumes are and where they come from, the once sharp lines of his reality begin to blur…If Hayes wants to uncover the shocking truth about the figures behind the costumes, and get justice for his fallen family, he’ll have to step out of the background, and stop being a bystander.

Available from your favorite bookstore.

Tuesday, September 1, 2020

Check out these other titles from Harper Collins


Be sure to check out these titles on amazon.com or your favorite bookseller.

Sunday, August 30, 2020

Pre-order your copy of Prime Deceptions


Pre-order your copy of the next hilariously quirky and outrageously fun science-fiction novel from critically acclaimed author Valerie Valdes

Captain Eva Innocente and the crew of La Sirena Negra find themselves once again on the fringe of populated space—and at the center of a raging covert war. When Eva’s sister asks for help locating a missing scientist, promises of a big paycheck and a noble cause convince Eva to take the job despite lingering trust issues.

With reluctant assistance from her estranged mother, Eva and her crew follow the missing scientist’s trail across the universe, from the costume-filled halls of a never-ending convention to a dangerous bot-fighting arena. They ultimately find themselves at the last place Eva wants to see again—Garilia—where she experienced her most shameful and haunting failure.

To complete her mission and get paid, Eva must navigate a paradise embroiled in a rebellion, where massive forests and pristine beaches hide psychic creatures and pervasive surveillance technology. Can she find her quarry while avoiding the oppressive local regime, or will she be doomed to repeat past mistakes when her dark deeds come to light?

Pre-order your copy of Prime Deceptions before it goes on sale September 8th!

Friday, August 28, 2020

A new wondrous tale of space travel, adventure, and humanity.

Deep in the heart of an alien mountain range, I.C.C. has lain dormant, its ships silent, for eons. Now, after one hundred thousand years, the AI is awakening. Someone is roaming the convoy's halls—someone that isn't human.

This planet, Noumenon—created by the megastructure known as the Web—is too young and brutal to have evolved intelligent life. Its surface is bombarded by unusual meteors. Crystal trees abruptly and violently arise from its bedrock. Its solar system is surrounded by a frightening space-time anomaly. So where did these visitors come from? What do they want? And do the people of Earth, whose ancestors launched Convoy Seven, know they are here?

I.C.C. reaches out to the descendants of its convoy crew to help decipher this primordial riddle. Noumenon was created and seeded by ancient aliens, and clearly their plans for it are unfinished. Together, the AI, the new lifeforms who have awakened it, and the humans will embark on an epic adventure of discovery billions of years in the making.

Noumenon Ultra is on sale now.

Wednesday, August 26, 2020

Urban fantasy fans shouldn’t miss the newest Sandman Slim adventure!

As the battle between warring angels continues, James Stark is focused on seemingly simpler matters now that he’s resurfaced on earth: an invasion of ghosts. L.A.’s Little Cairo neighborhood has suddenly been overrun by violent spirits, and Thomas Abbott knows if anyone can figure out why they’ve appeared—and how to get rid of them—it’s Stark.

Armed with the Room of Thirteen Doors, Stark quickly learns that the answer may reach back to the 1970s and the unsolved murder of small-time actor, Chris Stein. As he begins to dig into the cold case, another area of Stark’s life takes an unexpected turn when he becomes entangled with Janet, a woman he saved during the High Plains Drifter zombie attack.

Janet’s brush with the living dead hasn’t quenched her thirst for danger. She’s an adrenaline junkie and a member of The Zero Lodge—a club that promises “there’s zero chance you’ll get out alive.” The Lodge attracts thrill seekers who flock to perilous events such as night walks through the LA Zoo—with its deadliest animals uncaged. Joining the lodge to be with Janet, Stark makes a pair of crucial discoveries that could decide the fate of LA and Heaven itself.

To prevent the Little Cairo haunting from consuming the city, Stark must piece together the connections between the Lodge and a missing angel last seen in a Hollywood porn palace. But while he may dispatch the ghosts, Stark knows that without his help, the bloody war in Heaven could rage forever.

Ballistic Kiss is available now wherever books are sold.

Tuesday, August 25, 2020

Senior Citizens , You ill Be One Soon


An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.'

The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'

The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What’s the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that's red and has thorns.'

'Do you mean a rose?'

'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'

#########

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he’d didn't need my help to leave the hospital.

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.

On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'

#########

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: 'So I hear you're getting married?'

'Yep!'

'Do I know her?'

'Nope!'

'This woman, is she good looking?'

'Not really.'

'Is she a good cook?'

'Naw, she can't cook too well.'

'Does she have lots of money?'

'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'

'Well, then, is she good in the house

'I don't know.'

'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'

'Because she can still drive!'

#########

A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'

'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?'

'Twelve thirty.'

#########

Morris , an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.

A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'

Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''

The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

#########

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool...

After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'

'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'


FAIR USE NOTICE: This newsletter may contain copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner.

The Editor/Publisher at times includes such material in an effort to advance reader’s understanding of veterans' and other issues. We believe this constitutes a 'fair use' of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law.

In accordance with Title 17 U. S. C. Section 107, the material in this newsletter is
distributed without profit to those who have expressed an interest in receiving the included information for educating themselves on veteran issues so they can better communicate with their legislators on issues affecting them.

Sunday, August 23, 2020

7 Reasons Not to Mess With Children

ONE

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.

The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'

The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.

TWO

Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'

The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.'

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'

THREE


A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to 'honor' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'

From the back, one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'

FOUR

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?'
Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Mummy, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'

FIVE


The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'

SIX

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'

'Yes,' the class said.

'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?'

A little fellow shouted, 'Cause your feet ain't empty.'

SEVEN

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.

The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . God is watching.'

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples..'


FAIR USE NOTICE: This newsletter may contain copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner.

The Editor/Publisher at times includes such material in an effort to advance reader’s understanding of veterans' and other issues. We believe this constitutes a 'fair use' of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law.

In accordance with Title 17 U. S. C. Section 107, the material in this newsletter is
distributed without profit to those who have expressed an interest in receiving the included information for educating themselves on veteran issues so they can better communicate with their legislators on issues affecting them.

Friday, August 21, 2020

Lessons learned during a long life:


I've learned that I like my teacher because she cries when we sing "Silent Night". Age 5

I've learned that our dog doesn't want to eat my broccoli either. Age 7

I've learned that when I wave to people in the country, they stop what they are doing and wave back. Age 9

I've learned that just when I get my room that way I like it, Mom makes me clean it up again. Age 12

I've learned that if you want to cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up. Age 14

I've learned that although it's hard to admit it, I'm secretly glad my parents are strict with me. Age 15

I've learned that silent company is often more healing that words of advice. Age 24

I've learned that brushing my child's hair is one of life's great pleasures. Age 26

I've learned that wherever I go, the world's worst drivers have followed me there. Age 29

I've learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it. Age 30

I've learned that there are people who love you dearly but just don't know how to show it. Age 42

I've learned that you can make someone's day be simply sending them a little note. Age 44

I've learned that the greater a person's sense of guilt, the greater his or her need to cast blame on others. Age 46

I've learned that children and grandparents are natural allies. Age 47

I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on and it will be better tomorrow. Age 48

I've learned that singing "Amazing Grace" can lift my spirits for hours. Age 49

I've learned that motel mattresses are better on the side away from the phone. Age 50

I've learned that you can tell a lot about a man by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. Age 51

I've learned that keeping a vegetable garden is worth a medicine cabinet full of pills. Age 52

I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you miss them terribly after they die. Age 53

I've learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life. Age 58

I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. Age 62

I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back. Age 64

I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, the needs of others, your work, meeting new people … and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you. Age 65

I've learned that whenever I decide something with kindness, I usually make the right decision. Age 66

I've learned that everyone can use a prayer. Age 72

I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. Age 74

I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch, holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. Age 76

I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. Age 78

If Things Get Better With Age Then I'm Approaching Excellent.

FAIR USE NOTICE: This newsletter may contain copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner.

The Editor/Publisher at times includes such material in an effort to advance reader’s understanding of veterans' and other issues. We believe this constitutes a 'fair use' of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law.

In accordance with Title 17 U. S. C. Section 107, the material in this newsletter is
distributed without profit to those who have expressed an interest in receiving the included information for educating themselves on veteran issues so they can better communicate with their legislators on issues affecting them.

Wednesday, August 12, 2020

Haircut


One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.’

The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.’

The cop was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.’

The Congressman was very happy and left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

As Ronald Reagan said: "Both politicians and diapers need to be changed often and for the same reason.”

Monday, August 10, 2020

Rogue Report


• The Washington Redskins yielded to advertiser pressure and dropped their Redskins name, bowing to claims it's insensitive. And it didn't stop there. Hershey's announced Tuesday they are changing the name of Payday candy bars because it is offensive to people who don't want to work.

• Jeffrey Epstein's pimp Ghislaine Maxwell was denied bail Tuesday and will stay in jail. It was a year ago the nation was surprised to hear that Epstein had committed suicide while in federal custody in New York. If you think you were surprised by Epstein's suicide, how do you think HE felt?

• President Trump acknowledged in his press conference Tuesday that a federal execution took place Tuesday. The U.S. government executed its first convicted prisoner in seventeen years, a white supremacist. CNN said it just shows that under Trump, white people get to go to the front of every line.

• Portland protesters expressed a desire to destroy all vestiges of white privilege. The next day, the first inmate the feds executed since 2013 was a white supremacist. The executioner showed the Neo-Nazi a selfie of his daughter with an NBA player, and he died before they could strap him in.

• Joe Biden dismissed Trump's charges about his mental capacity and pointed out his excellent physical shape. Like many people getting up there in years, he periodically suffers some stiffness in his lower back. So last week Joe Biden went to a chiropractor, who referred him to a paleontologist.

• The London Daily Mail quoted Swedish teen climate activist Greta Thunberg saying preserving ocean life is just as important as defeating the virus. I think ocean life is adapting just fine. Modern sea gulls wouldn't know what a fish looks like, but they know what time McDonald's opens.

Thursday, August 6, 2020

Freedom Isn’t Free


Have you ever wondered what happened to the 56 men who signed the Declaration of Independence?


o Five signers were captured by the British as traitors, and tortured before they died.

o Twelve had their homes ransacked and burned.

o Two lost their sons serving in the Revolutionary Army; another had two sons captured.

o Nine of the 56 fought and died from wounds or hardships of the Revolutionary War.

o They signed and they pledged their lives, their fortunes, and their sacred honor.

What kind of men were they?


o Twenty-four were lawyers and jurists.

o Eleven were merchants, nine were farmers and large plantation owners; men of means, well-educated, but
they signed the Declaration of Independence knowing full well that the penalty would be death if they were captured.

o Carter Braxton of Virginia, a wealthy planter and trader, saw his ships swept from the seas by the British Navy. He sold his home and properties to pay his debts and died in rags.

o Thomas McKeam was so hounded by the British that he was forced to move his family almost constantly. He
served in the Congress without pay, and his family was kept in hiding. His possessions were taken from him, and poverty was his reward.

o Vandals or soldiers looted the properties of Dillery, Hall, Clymer, Walton, Gwinnett, Heyward, Ruttledge, and Middleton.

o At the battle of Yorktown, Thomas Nelson, Jr., noted that the British General Cornwallis had taken over the Nelson home for his headquarters. He quietly urged General George Washington to open fire. The home was destroyed, and Nelson died bankrupt.

o Francis Lewis had his home and properties destroyed. The enemy jailed his wife, and she died within a few months.

o John Hart was driven from his wife's bedside as she was dying. Their 13 children fled for their lives. His fields and his grist-mill were laid to waste. For more than a year he lived in forests and caves, returning home to find his wife dead and his children vanished.

So, take a few minutes and silently thank these patriots. Remember: freedom is not and was never free! We need to thank these early patriots, in prayers, words, and deeds, as well as those patriots that are now still fighting to keep our freedom! We owe it to them to proclaim our patriotism now.

Saturday, August 1, 2020

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED THE 1930’s, 40’s and 50’s!!


 First, we survived being born to mothers who may have smoked and/or drank - While they were pregnant.
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes. Then, after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

 We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors or cabinets, and, when we rode our bikes, we had baseball caps, not helmets, on our heads.

 As infants and children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, no booster seats, no seat belts, no air bags, bald tires and sometimes no brakes. Riding in the back of a pick-up truck on a warm day was always a special treat.

 We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.

 We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one actually died from this.

 We ate cupcakes, white bread, real butter and bacon. We drank Kool-Aid made with real white sugar. And
we weren't overweight. WHY? Because we were always outside playing...that's why!

 We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came
on. Unless you lived in the country, then you came home when the stars came out.

 No one was able to reach us all day…and we were OKAY.

 We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride them down the hill, only to find out that we forgot about brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

 We did not have Play Stations, Nintendo and X-boxes. There were no video games, No 150 channels on
cable, No video movies Or DVDs, No surround-sound or CDs, no cell phones, no personal computers, no
Internet and no chat rooms. WE HAD FRIENDS. - And we went Outside. We rode bikes or walked to a
friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them.

 Little League had tryouts; And not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with
Disappointment. Imagine that!!

 The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of... They actually sided with the law!

These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers, and inventors ever. The past 60 to 85 years have seen an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.
If you are one of those born between 1925 &1955, CONGRATULATIONS! You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good. While you are at it, forward this to your kids so they will know how brave and lucky their parents were.
Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?

Friday, July 31, 2020

Groaners, Part 2


 An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man. After a brief examination, the
medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to ! bite off, chew, and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, ‘The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on.’

 A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register.
His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official who apologized profusely saying, ‘I must have
taken Leif off my census.’

 There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant, and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.

 A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye and said, ‘Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?’

Thursday, July 30, 2020

COVID 19, COVID 20, DO I HEAR COVID 21?


OK FOLKS, IT'S GETTING REAL OUT THERE. UP UNTIL TODAY I DID NOT KNOW ANYONE WITH THIS NASTY BUGGER. GOT NEWS OF THREE PEOPLE I KNOW ARE GONE OR WILL BE BY THE WEEKEND. DON'T WANT TO LOSE ANY MORE.

VA Facilities Continue to Hide Doctors' Misconduct, Probes Find


29 Jul 2020
Military.com | By Patricia Kime
Borrowed from Military.com and is copyright by them.

MY COMMENTS ARE IN ALL CAPS

AS A VETERAN THIS REALLY PULLS MY CHAIN. I HAVE TERRIFIC DOCTORS AT THE VA THAT ARE CARING AND GOOD AT THEIR JOBS. I HONESTLY BELIEVE THAT I WOULD NOT BE AROND TODAY WITHOUT THEM.

THE THINGS MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE SHOULD BE A SLAP IN THE FACE TO ALL AMERICANS (VETERANS FOR SURE) ABOUT THE KIND OF CARE THAT IS GIVEN TO VETERANS. SPEAK OUT. IT IS NOT A RACIAL THING, IT IS NOT A FINANCIAL THING, IT IS THE APATHY AND UNCARING, UNEDUCATED MANAGEMENT THAT DO NOT FOLLOW PROCEDURES.

DO WE NEED ANOTHER GROUP OUT IN THE STREET SHOUTING "VETERANS LIVES MATTER"? I THINK THERE IS A BETTER WAY. OUR LIVES ARE NOT SO FULL AND BUSY THAT WE CAN'T TAKE THE TIME TO WRITE, EMAIL OR CALL OUR ELECTED OFFICIALS TO TELL THEM TO DO BETTER.

A Department of Veterans Affairs hospital in Richmond, Virginia, rehired a pathologist who had been previously fired for failing to diagnose or misdiagnosing cancer in at least a dozen patients, the VA Office of Inspector General reported Wednesday.

None of the incidents were reported as adverse events to patient safety officials at the facility, the Hunter Holmes McGuire VA Medical Center, including one involving a patient whose misdiagnosis caused their condition to worsen, later requiring advanced medical treatment.

The report is the second in two days from the VA OIG to expose physician failures at VA hospitals that went unchecked by administrators. On Tuesday, the VA OIG released a report finding that the department took nine months to fire an emergency room contract physician who, after deciding a patient was "malingering" and "ranting," called VA police to have the patient escorted off property and said they could go "shoot [themselves]. I do not care."

The veteran died by suicide six days later from a self-inflicted gunshot wound.


In 2017, the Government Accountability Office reported that VA medical center officials regularly failed to investigate complaints lodged against providers or waited months to look into allegations.

The report also found that when the VA revoked doctors' privileges, officials often failed to inform state licensing boards or a national database, allowing the doctors to practice elsewhere. The VA also sometimes reached settlements with physicians that allowed them to resign in exchange for not reporting their errors.

In subsequent congressional hearings on the issue, VA officials pledged to address the problems, including reporting adverse actions at the state and national levels.

But the OIG report released Wednesday indicates that hospital officials continue to engage in cover-ups.

According to the report, the hospital's Pathology and Laboratory Medicine Services chief wasn't even aware of the VA's requirement to report the misdiagnoses to higher-ups. Senior officials also weren't aware they were supposed to participate in a state licensing review board process following the incidents.

The physician was fired but appealed the termination. In March 2019, the doctor was rehired, and clinical privileges were restored. As of last September, the physician continued to work at Hunter Holmes McGuire as an investigation was ongoing into his or her ability to turn around surgical readings in a timely manner.

Likewise, at the Washington, D.C., VA Medical Center, officials failed to dismiss the physician, a contractor, who verbally abused the suicidal veteran even though other employees reported the incident and the doctor had been the subject of other reports of "verbal misconduct."

The report noted that the doctor remained as a physician at the VA because reviews found his or her care of patients to be sufficient.

The Washington, D.C., VA eventually ended the physician's contract, according to the report.

President Donald Trump frequently touts changes that his administration has made to "fix" the VA, including accountability legislation approved in 2017 that accelerated the process for firing workers for misconduct or poor performance, as well as shortening the time employees have for processing appeals.

"I signed the VA Accountability Act into law, and we've removed more than 9,000 VA workers who were not giving our veterans the care, respect, attention that they've earned. And now that we have accountability -- it's 'accountability;' a very nice word -- if an employee of the government mistreats our veterans in any way, does something wrong, isn't good for the VA, the secretary looks at them and says, "You're fired. Get out," Trump said in a speech June 17 to introduce his plan for reducing veteran suicides.

The OIG reports this week, however, indicate that the VA still struggles to hold physicians accountable and to protect veteran patients or the public, in cases of physicians who go on to practice at civilian facilities after leaving the department.

In Richmond, VA officials failed to conduct a state licensing board review and in Washington, D.C., the doctor was never reported to the state and national boards that record physician misconduct.

"Facility leaders did not report [the Washington, D.C.] physician to the State Licensing Board or National Practitioner Data Bank. Although facility leaders did not conduct a formal investigation, they removed [the physician] from the VA contract ... and therefore, facility leaders had a duty to report," the VA OIG wrote.

"Neither the former Facility Director nor the Chief of Staff completed all elements of a [VA]-required review upon discovery of the subject pathologist's 'egregious performance,'" the VA OIG wrote.

Wednesday, July 29, 2020

Groaners, Part 1

 Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the Swiss league
records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire, and we’ll never know for whom the Tells bowled.

 King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great
possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went
to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan. Croesus said, ‘I’ll give you 100,000 dinars for it.’ ‘But I paid a million dinars for it,’ the King protested. ‘Don’t you know who I am? I am the king!’ Croesus replied, ‘When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are.’

 A man rushed into a busy doctor’s office and shouted ‘Doctor! I think I’m shrinking!!’ The doctor calmly
responded, ‘Now, settle down. You’ll just have to be a little patient.’

 A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day, his supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.

 Back in the 1800s the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products and, since
they already made the cases for watches, they used them to produce compasses. The new compasses were so
bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California. This, of course, is the origin of the expression, ‘He who has a Tates is lost!’

 A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the toilets and urinals, leaving no clues. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, ‘We have absolutely nothing to go on.’

Monday, July 27, 2020

Why I Like Retirement


 Number of days in a week: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday

 Bedtime: Three hours after falling asleep on the couch.

 Biggest gripe: There is not enough time to get everything done.

 Benefit of being called a senior: The term comes with a 10% discount.

 What is considered formal attire: Tied shoes.

 Why do retirees count pennies: They are the only ones who have the time.

 Common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire: NUTS!

 Reason retirees are so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage: They know that as soon as
they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.

 What retirees call a long lunch: Normal.

 Best way to describe retirement: The never ending Coffee Break.

 Biggest advantage of going back to school: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.

 What do retirees do all week: Monday through Friday, NOTHING. Saturday & Sunday they rest.

 Why doing nothing is hard work: You never know when you're done.

Monday, July 13, 2020

Thought of the Week

Thought of the Week

Those who stand for nothing (will) fall for anything.


Alexander Hamilton

Monday, July 6, 2020

Military Life Then (1945) & Now (2020)


1945 - NCO's had a typewriter on their desks for doing daily reports.
2020 - Everyone has an internet access computer, and they wonder why no work is getting done.

1945 - We painted pictures of girls on airplanes to remind us of home.
2020 - They put the real thing in the cockpit.

1945 - Your girlfriend was at home praying you would return alive.
2020 - She is in the same trench praying your condom worked.

1945 - If you got drunk off duty your buddies would take you back to the barracks to sleep it off.
2020 - If you get drunk they slap you in rehab and ruin your career.

1945 - You were taught to aim at your enemy and shoot him.
2020 - You spray 500 bullets into the brush, don't hit anything, and retreat because you're out of ammo.

1945 - Canteens were made of steel, and you could heat coffee or hot chocolate in them.
2020 - Canteens are made of plastic, you can't heat anything in them, and they always taste like plastic.

1945 - Officers were professional soldiers first and they commanded respect.
2020 - Officers are politicians first and beg not to be given a wedgie.

1945 - They collected enemy intelligence and analyzed it.
2020 - They collect your pee and analyze it.

1945 - If you didn't act right, the Sergeant Major put you in the brig until you straightened up.
2020 - If you don't act right, they start a paper trail that follows you forever.

1945 - Medals were awarded to heroes who saved lives at the risk of their own.
2020 - Medals are awarded to people who work at headquarters.

1945 - You slept in barracks like a soldier.
2020 - You sleep in a dormitory like a college kid.

1945 - You ate in a mess hall, which was free, and you could have all the food you wanted.
2020 - You eat in a dining facility, every slice of bread or pad of butter costs, and you better not take too much.

1945 - We defeated powerful countries like Germany and Japan.
2020 - We come up short against Iraq and Afghanistan.

1945 - If you wanted to relax, you went to the rec center, played pool, smoked and drank beer.
2020 - You go to the community center, and you can play pool.

1945 - If you wanted beer and conversation you went to the NCO or Officers' Club.
2020 - The beer will cost you $2.75, membership is required, and someone is watching how much you drink.

1945 - The Exchange had bargains for soldiers who didn't make much money and accepted returned merchandise.
2020 - You can get better and cheaper merchandise at Walmart. But don’t try to return anything until after the pandemic is over.

1945 - We could recognize the enemy by their Nazi helmets.
2020 - We are wearing the Nazi helmets.

1945 - We called the enemy names like "Krauts" and "Japs" because we didn't like them.
2020 - We call the enemy the "opposing force" or "aggressor" because we don't want to offend them.

1945 - Victory was declared when the enemy was defeated and all his things were broken.
2020 - We haven’t a clue as to what victory is or what it takes to achieve it.

1945 - A commander would put his butt on the line to protect his people.
2020 - A commander will put his people on the line to protect his butt.

1945 - Wars were planned and run by generals who knew how to fight and win.
2020 - Wars are planned by politicians who haven’t a clue about fighting or winning.

1945 - We were fighting for freedom, and the country was committed to winning.
2020 - We don't know what we're fighting for, and the government is committed to social programs and political correctness. Now our real enemy is global
warming and politics.

1945 - All you could think about was getting out and becoming a civilian again.
2020 - All you can think about is getting out and becoming a civilian again.

FAIR USE NOTICE: This newsletter may contain copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically
authorized by the copyright owner. The Editor/Publisher of the Bulletin at times includes such material in an effort to advance
reader’s understanding of veterans' and other issues. We believe this constitutes a 'fair use' of any such copyrighted material as provided for
in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U. S. C. Section 107, the material in this newsletter is
distributed without profit to those who have expressed an interest in receiving the included information for educating themselves
on veteran issues so they can better communicate with their legislators on issues affecting them.

Saturday, July 4, 2020

Stolen from FaceBook, Creator Unknown


Dear Diary 2020 Edition,

In January, Australia caught on fire. I don’t even know if that fire was put out, because we straight up almost went to war with Iran. We might actually still be almost at war with them. I don’t know, because Jen Aniston and Brad Pitt spoke to one another at an awards show and everyone flipped the f--- out, but then there was thing happening in China, then Prince Harry and Megan peaced out of the Royal family, and there was the whole impeachment trial, and then corona virus showed up in the US “officially,” but then Kobe died and UK peaced out of the European Union.

In February, Iowa crapped itself with the caucus results and the president was acquitted and the Speaker of the House took ten years to rip up a speech, but then WHO decided to give this virus a name COVID-19, which confused some really important people in charge of, like, our lives, into thinking there were 18 other versions before it, but then Harvey Weinstein was found guilty, and Americans started asking if Corona beer was safe to drink, and everyone on Facebook became a doctor who just knew the flu like killed way more people than COVID 1 through 18.

In March, shit hit the fan. Warren dropped out of the presidential race and Sanders was like Bernie or bust, but then Italy shut its whole ass down, and then COVID Not 1 through 18 officially become what everyone already realized, a pandemic and then a nationwide state of emergency was declared in US, but it didn’t really change anything, so everyone was confused or thought it was still just a flu, but then COVID Not 18 was like ya’ll not taking me seriously? I’m gonna infect the one celebrity everyone loves and totally infected Tom Hanks, but then the DOW took a shit on itself, and most of us still don’t understand why the stock market is so important or even a thing (I still don’t), but then we were all introduced to Tiger King. (Carol totally killed her husband), and Netflix was like you’re welcome, and we all realized there was no way we were washing our hands enough in the first place because all of our hands are now dry and gross.

In April, Bernie finally busted himself out of the presidential race, but then NYC became the set of The Walking Dead and we learned that no one has face masks, ventilators, or toilet paper, or THE FREAKING SWIFER WET JET LIQUID, but then Kim Jong-Un died, but then he came back to life… or did he? Who knows, because then the Pentagon released videos of UFOs and nobody cared, and we were like man, it’s only April….

In May, the biblical end times kicked off historical locust swarms and then we learned of murder hornets and realized that 2020 was the start of the Hunger Games but people forgot to let us know, but then people legit protested lockdown measures with AR-15s, and then sports events were cancelled everywhere. But then people all over America finally reached a breaking point with race issues and violence. There were protests in every city, but then people forgot about the pandemic called COVID Not One Through 18. Media struggled with how to focus on two important things at once, but then people in general struggle to focus on more than one important thing, and a dead whale was found in the middle of the Amazon rain forest after monkeys stole COVID 1 Through 19 from a lab and ran off with them, and either in May or April (no one is keeping track of time now) that a giant asteroid narrowly missed Earth.

In June, science and common sense just got thrown straight out the window and somehow wearing masks became a political thing, but then a whole lot of people realized the south was actually the most unpatriotic thing ever and actually lost the civil war, and there are a large amount of people who feel that statues they don’t even know the name of are needed for … history reasons..... but then everyone sort of remembered there was a pandemic, but then decided that not wearing a mask was somehow a God given right (still haven't found that part in the bible or even in the constitution), but then scientists announced they found a mysterious undiscovered mass at the center of the earth, and everyone was like DON’T YOU DARE TOUCH IT, but then everyone took a pause to realize that people actually believed Gone With The Wind was like non-fiction, but then it was also announced that there is a strange radio single coming from somewhere in the universe that repeats itself every so many days, and everyone was like DON’T YOU DARE ATTEMPT TO COMMUNICATE WITH IT, but then America reopened from the shut down that actually wasn’t even a shut down, and so far, things have gone spectacularly not that great, but everyone is on Facebook arguing that masks kill because no one knows how breathing works, but then Florida was like hold my beer and let me show you how we’re number one in all things, including new Not Corona Beer Corona Virus. Trump decides now is a good time to ask the Supreme Court to shut down Obama Care because what better time to do so than in the middle of a pandemic, but then we learned there was a massive dust cloud coming straight at us from the Sahara Desert, which is totally normal, but this is 2020, so the ghost mummy thing is most likely in that dust cloud, but then I learned of meth-gators, and I'm like that is so not on my f-ing 2020 Bingo card, but then we learned that the Congo's worse ever Ebola outbreak is over, and we were all like, there was an Ebola outbreak that was the worse ever?

In July…. Aliens? Zeus? Asteroids? Artificial Intelligence becomes self aware?

Thanks to whoever started this and I have no idea who wrote this; and damn it, I want to know.

Also, why didn't I know about the whale in the Amazon?

I really want this to pop back up in the memories a few years from now.

Definitions


ADULT - A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOR - A place where women curl up and dye.

CHICKENS - The only animal you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE - A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST - Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST - Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

HANDKERCHIEF - Cold Storage.

INFLATION - Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO - An insect that makes you like flies better.

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS - A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority.

RAISIN - A grape with a sunburn.

SECRET - A story you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON - A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE - The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW - One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN - An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES - Something other people have....similar to my character lines.

OLD - I very quietly confided to my friend that I was having an Affair. She turned to me and asked, "Are you having
it catered?"
. . . and that, my friend, is the definition of 'OLD'!!!

FAIR USE NOTICE: This newsletter may contain copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically
authorized by the copyright owner. The Editor/Publisher of the Bulletin at times includes such material in an effort to advance
reader’s understanding of veterans' and other issues. We believe this constitutes a 'fair use' of any such copyrighted material as provided for
in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U. S. C. Section 107, the material in this newsletter is
distributed without profit to those who have expressed an interest in receiving the included information for educating themselves
on veteran issues so they can better communicate with their legislators on issues affecting them.

Thursday, July 2, 2020

Remember the Real America

Some things have changed in my 72 years on this Earth.
Remember the Real America

When riots were unthinkable
When you left front doors open
When socialism was a dirty word
When ghettos were neighborhoods
When the Flag was a sacred symbol
When criminals actually went to jail
When you weren't afraid to go out at night
When taxes were only a necessary nuisance
When a boy was a boy and dressed like one
When a girl was a girl and dressed like one
When the poor were to proud to take charity
When the clergy and repairmen tried to please you
When college kids swallowed goldfish, not acid
When songs had a tune, and the words made sense
When young fellows tried to join the Army or Navy
When people knew what the Fourth of July stood for.
When you never dreamed our country could ever lose
When a Sunday drive was a pleasant trip, not an ordeal.
When you bragged about your hometown and home state.
When everybody didn't feel entitled to a college education.
When people expected less and value what had more.
When politicians proclaimed their patriotism and meant it.
When everybody knew the difference between right and wrong.
When things weren't perfect - but you never expected them to be.
When you weren't made to feel guilty for enjoying dialect comedy.
When our Government stood up for Americans, anywhere in the world.
When you knew that the law would be enforced and your safety protected.
When you considered yourself lucky to have a good job, and proud to have it.
When the law meant justice, and you felt a shiver of awe at the sight of a policeman.
When you weren't embarrassed to say that this is the best country in the world.
When America was a land filled with brave, proud, confident, hardworking people!

FAIR USE NOTICE: This newsletter may contain copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically
authorized by the copyright owner. The Editor/Publisher of the Bulletin at times includes such material in an effort to advance
reader’s understanding of veterans' and other issues. We believe this constitutes a 'fair use' of any such copyrighted material as provided for
in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U. S. C. Section 107, the material in this newsletter is
distributed without profit to those who have expressed an interest in receiving the included information for educating themselves
on veteran issues so they can better communicate with their legislators on issues affecting them.

Wednesday, May 27, 2020

Speeding Ticket

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."

The driver says, "Goodness, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: “Now don't be silly, dear -- you know that this car doesn't have cruise control"

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once!!”

The wife smiles demurely and says, "Well dear you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher."

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"

The officer frowns and says, 'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine.'

The driver says, “Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.”

The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks, “WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP?”

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?

She replies, "Only when he's been drinking."

Monday, May 25, 2020

Earth Corners


Today's Short Reading from the Bible...


From Genesis: "And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the earth."

Then he made the earth round...and He laughed and laughed and laughed!

Saturday, May 23, 2020

Marriage 10 Commandments


 Commandment 1 - Marriages are made in heaven. But then again, so is thunder and lightning.

 Commandment 2 - If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in
your sleep.

 Commandment 3 - Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least a 100 grand!

 Commandment 4 - Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the
woman listens -- in the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens--and in the third year, they both
speak and the neighbors listen.

 Commandment 5 - When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either
the car is new or the wife is.

 Commandment 6 - Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to
decide which one.

 Commandment 7 - Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said. After
marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

 Commandment 8 - Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook.
But the law allows only one wife.

 Commandment 9 - Marriage and love are purely a matter of chemistry. That is why one treats the other like
toxic waste.

 Commandment 10 - A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

Thursday, May 21, 2020

Ambidextrous


A group of men live and die for their Saturday morning golf game. One transfers to another city and they're lost without him.

A new woman joins their Club. When she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college's golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week? "

No one wants to say 'yes', but they're on the spot. Finally, one man says. Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m. He figures the early tee-time will discourage her.

The woman says this may be a problem, and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late. They roll their eyes, but say, "Okay".

She's there at 6:30 a.m. sharp, and beats all of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round. She's fun and pleasant, and the guys are impressed. They congratulate her and invite her back the next week.

She smiles, and says, "I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45."

The next week she again shows up at 6:30 sharp. Only this time, she plays left-handed. The three guys are incredulous as she still beats them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand. They're totally amazed. They can't figure her out. She's very pleasant and a gracious winner. They invite her back again, but each man harbors a burning desire to beat her.

The third week, she's 15 minutes late, which irritates the guys. This week she plays right-handed, and narrowly beats all three of them. The men grumble that her late arrival is petty gamesmanship on her part. However, she's so charming and complimentary of their strong play, they can't hold a grudge.

This woman is a riddle no-one can figure out. They have a couple of beers in the Clubhouse, and finally, one of the men ask her, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?"

The lady blushes, and grins. "When my Dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous," she replies. "I like to switch back and forth.

When I got married after college, I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude. From then on, I developed a silly habit. Right before I leave in the morning for golf practice, I pull the covers off him. If his Willie points to the right, I golf right-handed; if it points to the left, I golf left-handed."

The guys think this is hysterical. Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys says, "What if it's pointing straight up?"

She says, "Then, I'm fifteen minutes late."

Tuesday, May 19, 2020

State Fair Exhibit


My wife and I went to the state fair and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls.

We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said, ‘THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR’.

My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs, smiled and said, ‘He mated 50 times last year.’

We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, ‘THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR’.

My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, ‘WOW! That’s more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him.’

We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, ‘THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR’.

My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said, ‘That’s once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one.’

I looked at her and said, “Go over and ask him if it was with the same old cow.”

My condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and I should eventually make a full recovery

Sunday, May 10, 2020

Retirement Destination Guide

As we get older, some of us are thinking about retiring, so I've looked around to see what might be available to us.

Retire to Phoenix, Arizona where...
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your bottom from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

OR You can retire to California where...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.

OR You can retire to New York City where...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn.
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

OR You can retire to Minnesota where...
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for casserole.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

OR You can retire to the Deep South where....
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Ellen, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc. etc.
5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's important to know the difference, too.

OR You can retire to Colorado where....
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

OR You can retire to the Midwest where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

OR FINALLY you can retire to Florida where...
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people

Friday, May 8, 2020

Muslim Terrorists Suicides


Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim Terrorists are so quick to commit suicide. Let's have a look at the evidence:

 No Christmas

 No television

 No nude women

 No football

 No pork chops

 No nude women

 No hot dogs

 No burgers

 No nude women

 No beer

 No bacon

 No nude women

 Rags for clothes

 Towels for hats

 Constant wailing from some guy in a tower

 More than one wife

 More than one mother in law

 You can't shave

 Your wife can't shave

 You can't wash off the smell of donkey

 You cook over burning camel dung

 Your wife is picked by someone else for you and smells worse than your donkey

Then they tell you that "when you die, it all gets better. Well no sh*t Sherlock!.... It's not like it could get much worse

Wednesday, May 6, 2020

WORDS HAVE MORE THAN ONE MEANING


1. The meaning of opaque is unclear.

2. I wasn't going to get a brain transplant but then I changed my mind.

3. Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.

4. A man tried to assault me with milk, cream and butter. How dairy!

5. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

6. If there was someone selling marijuana in our neighborhood, weed know about it.

7. It's a lengthy article about ancient Japanese sword fighters but I can Sumurais it for you.

8. It's not that the man couldn't juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

9. So what if I don't know the meaning of the word 'apocalypse'? It's not the end of the world.

10. Police were called to the daycare center. A 3-year old was resisting a rest.

11. The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester.

12. Need an ark to save two of every animal? I Noah guy.

13. Alternative facts are aversion of the truth.

14. I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

15. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

16. Did you know they won't be making yardsticks any longer?

17. I used to be allergic to soap but I'm clean now.

18. The patron saint of poverty is St. Nickeless.

19. What did the man say when the bridge fell on him? The suspension is killing me.

20. Do you have weight loss mantras? Fat chants!

21. My tailor is happy to make a new pair of pants for me. Or sew it seams.

22. What is a thesaurus's favorite dessert? Synonym buns.

23. A relief map shows where the restrooms are.

24. There was a big paddle sale at the boat store. It was quite an oar deal.

25. How do they figure out the price of hammers? Per pound.

Tuesday, March 31, 2020

Tax Advice on Your Corvid-19 Stimulus Money


Just received this from Peter Horwath, Baryon Cover artist, and just had to share it.


Subject: Important Tax Advice/Economic Stimulus



Sometime this year, we taxpayers will likely receive another economic stimulus.

It is indeed a very exciting program, and I’ll explain it by using a Q&A format:

Q: What is an Economic Stimulus?

A: It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.


Q: Where will the government get this money?

A: From taxpayers.


Q: Is the government simply giving me back my own money, then?

A: No, only a smidgen of it.


Q: What is the purpose of this payment?

A: The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high definition television set, a new iPad, or a new SUV, thus stimulating the economy.


Q: Isn’t that stimulating the economy of China?

A: Shut up.


Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U. S. Economy with your stimulus check. Use it wisely:


* If you spend the stimulus money at Walmart the money will go to China or Sri Lanka.

* if you spend it on gasoline, it money will go to the Arabs.

* if you purchase a computer, it goes to India, Taiwan or China.

* if you purchase fruits and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala.

* if you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.

* if you purchase useless stuff, it goes to Taiwan.

* if you pay your credit card off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.


Instead, keep the money in America by:


(1) Spending it at a yard sale, or

(2) Going to a ballgame, or

(3) Spending it on prostitutes, or

(4) Beer, or

(5) Tattoos

(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S.)


CONCLUSION: Go to a ballgame with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day.

No need to thank me, I’m just glad I could be of help.

Sunday, March 29, 2020

Military terms / sayings to reflect on


I Jest You Not…
by pdoggbiker

Maybe you've already seen this. I know we lived it while in the military.
I remember seeing this back in the 80's but couldn't find it again...until recently.

Murphy's thoughts: Military terms / sayings to reflect on:

Friendly fire - isn't.

Recoil-less rifles - aren't.

Suppressive fires - won't.

You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.

A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.

If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.

Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on
you.

If at first you don't succeed, call in an air strike.

If it isn't broke, don't mess with it.

If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.

Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.

Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself.

Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.

If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.

The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack.

The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: when they're ready and when you're not.

No OPLAN ever survives initial contact.

There is no such thing as a perfect plan.

Five-second fuses always burn three seconds.

There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.

A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.

The Ol' Ranger's addendum: Or else they're trying to suck you into a serious ambush!

The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard.
The easy way is always mined.

Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.

Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire. For this reason, it is not at all uncommon
for aircraft carriers to be known as bomb magnets.

Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.

If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.

When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.

Incoming fire has the right of way.

No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection.

No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.

If the enemy is within range, so are you.

The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren't.

Things that must work together, can't be carried to the field that way.

Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support.

Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both.)

Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.

Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won't be able to get out.

Tracers work both ways.

If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will get more than your
fair share of objectives to take.

When both sides are convinced they're about to lose, they're both right.

Professional soldiers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous amateurs.

Military Intelligence is a contradiction.

Fortify your front; you'll get your rear shot up.

Weather ain't neutral.

If you can't remember, the Claymore is pointed toward you.

Air defense motto: shoot 'em down; sort 'em out on the ground. 'Flies high, it dies;
low and slow, it'll go.

The Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue.

Napalm is an area support weapon.

Mines are equal opportunity weapons.

B-52s are the ultimate close support weapon.

Sniper's motto: reach out and touch someone.

Killing for peace is like screwing for virginity.

The one item you need is always in short supply.

Interchangeable parts aren't.

It's not the one with your name on it; it's the one addressed "to whom it may
concern "you've got to think about.

When in doubt, empty your magazine.

The side with the simplest uniforms wins.

Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.

If the Platoon Sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.

Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when
you can sleep.

The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass.

Exceptions prove the rule and destroy the battle plan.

Everything always works in your HQ, everything always fails in the Colonel's HQ.

The enemy never watches until you make a mistake.

One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. Should you have a question or comment
about this article, then scroll down to the comment section below to leave your response.

If you want to learn more about the Vietnam War and its Warriors, then subscribe to
this blog and get notified http://cherrieswriter.com


Monday, March 23, 2020

Korean Veterans Ceremony

The ceremony honoring our Korean War Heroes has been postponed from the April 9 date until a date to be determined after the CORVID19 problem has run its' course.

Apologies.

Politics...


Unbelievable, There is a politician that actually gets it...

Summing it all up was Sen. John Neely Kennedy (R-La.), who took his turn on the Senate floor, shaking his head before declaring: “This country was founded by geniuses but it’s being run by a bunch of idiots.”

“You know what the American people are thinking right now?” Kennedy inquired rhetorically. “They’re thinking that the brain is an amazing organ. It starts working in a mother’s womb and it doesn’t stop working til you get elected to Congress.”

Thursday, March 19, 2020

GDVS Coronavirus (COVID-19) Operations Update



For immediate release


GDVS Coronavirus (COVID-19) Operations Update

Keeping Georgia’s veterans, their families, and our staff healthy and secure is of the utmost
importance to us.

The GDVS is following recommendations from public health authorities on social distancing to
mitigate any potential spread of the virus at any of our Veterans Field Service Offices,
veterans homes, and memorial cemeteries.

All GDVS Veterans Field Service Offices will suspend in person meetings, effective
immediately. Offices remain open for business, but veterans must call or email their local office for
assistance (https://veterans.georgia.gov/field-offices).

Veterans who need to submit physical evidence for a claim should call and arrange a time to
drop off paperwork with a field officer.

Veterans in need of assistance with an appeal should email their assigned Appeals Officer
directly (https://veterans.georgia.gov/contact-appeals).

Visitation at our veterans nursing homes in Augusta and Milledgeville is suspended, with
exceptions on a case by case basis for compassionate care. Daily operations will continue with
modifications to ensure the safety and health of all residents. Our staff is closely monitoring the
situation and continues to monitor for updates from federal and state authorities.

Both veterans memorial cemeteries in Glennville and Milledgeville have temporarily suspended
committal services. Burial operations and interments will continue and families are permitted
to visit grave sites after daily burials have been completed. Families may schedule committal
services to be held in the future.

Additional changes to operations may be made as this public health crisis continues to evolve.
We will continue to monitor the situation and update as necessary.

For accurate and reliable information about COVID-19,
visit https://dph.georgia.gov/novelcoronavirus or https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-
ncov/index.html
.

For more information on the contents of this news release, please contact the GDVS Public
Information Division at gavetsvc@vs.state.ga.us.

Monday, March 9, 2020

REVIVAL Deluxe Limited Edition Artwork Portfolio


We’re pleased to tell you before anyone else that Brian Freeman over at LetterPress Publications has arranged with Fran├žois Vaillancourt to collect all of his artwork from the LPP special edition of REVIVAL by Stephen King into a beautiful oversized artwork portfolio!

The REVIVAL Deluxe Limited Edition Artwork Portfolio will feature twenty pieces of artwork, including the alternative version of the car accident (which only appeared in the Lettered Edition), the frontispieces for both editions, and a brand new painting for the signature page. The art will be printed on 11 inch by 14 inch sheets of a fine 100# Linen cover stock, which is archival quality and acid free.

Each set of prints will be housed in a deluxe hand-made portfolio that is covered with the same material as the Limited Edition’s slipcase, making this the perfect companion to your book. There will be two colors of hot foil color stamping on the cover. The interior of the portfolio will be lined with an elegant material that combines the luxury of suede and the richness of velvet.

If you’d like to support Brian directly and reserve this Deluxe Artwork Portfolio without prepayment required, you can visit the product page on his company’s website for details:

https://letterpresspublications.com/store/revival-artwork-portfolio-limited/

*** OR you can read more and place your order through our website while our supplies last:

https://www.cemeterydance.com/revival-artwort-portfolio.html

(If the page says Out of Print, that means all of our available copies have sold, unfortunately.)

Thank you, as always, for your continuing support!

Cemetery Dance Publications
132-B Industry Lane, Unit #7
Forest Hill, MD 21050

410-588-5901 [phone]
410-588-5904 [fax]

http://www.cemeterydance.com.





Thursday, March 5, 2020

Earthling Publications Newsletter HOT TOPIC

Earthling Publications Newsletter


Lettered HAUNTED FOREST TOUR going into production!

I’m pleased to announce that the lettered edition of THE HAUNTED FOREST TOUR by James A. Moore and Jeff Strand, illustrated by Glenn Chadbourne, is going into production! Like our other lettered books, it will be hand sewn and enclosed in a handmade traycase. Features include:

Hand-crumpled, hand-dyed paper made in Nepal that has a dimensional forest-like terrain.
Premium Tiziano endpapers.
Quarter bound in goatskin leather.
Signed by Moore and Strand.
Each book features a unique full-page original illustration by Chadbourne.
Housed in a cloth covered, ultra-suede lined clamshell traycase.
Only 15 lettered copies.


The price is $500; half upon reservation and half at time of shipping (the latter will be a few months from now; postage tacked onto second payment). Please email me at earthlingpub@yahoo.com by end of day Friday March 6 if you would like a copy. I will attempt to reach out to folks who have previously expressed interest and own previous Halloween Series titles as they’ll get first dibs. However, now that price and design details have been finalized, I wanted to send a fresh notice as there is a decent chance that copies will be available to anyone.

Cover art is from the original 2007 release. Copyright 2007 b Glen Chadbourne and Earthling Publications.