Saturday, November 9, 2019
Military Humor Part 7
My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, “Did you ever kill anyone?”
Dad got quiet. Then, in a soft voice, he said, “Probably. I was the cook.”
When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. That’s why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.
During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had “artistic” abilities. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. Then the sergeant announced that everyone would get a three day pass … except me. I would stay behind and neatly print each soldier’s name onto his Army-issued underwear.
The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husband’s first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from his sister. It was carefully encased in a Tupperware container and came with this note: “Dick, when you’re finished, can you mail back my container?”
We were inspecting several lots of grenades. While everyone was concentrating on the task at hand, I held up a spare pin and asked, “Has anyone seen my grenade?”
The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com:
Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas
Sent a recruit to medical-supplies office in search of fallopian tubes
Had a new guy conduct a “boom test” on a howitzer by yelling “Boom!” down the tube in order to “calibrate” it
Ordered a private to bring back a five-gallon can of dehydrated water (in fact, the sergeant just wanted an
empty water can)
My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. During the question and answer period, he was asked, “How did you know the war was over?”
He replied, “When they stopped shooting at me.”