I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
There is a great need for sarcasm font.
How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
Was learning cursive really necessary?
Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my
Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
Bad decisions make good stories.
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that
you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this--ever.
I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire
day. What a waste.
Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of
transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time.
I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with
Miller Lites than Kay.