Tuesday, November 12, 2019

Letter from Target


A retiree’s wife insisted that he accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men; he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out as quickly as possible. Equally unfortunate, his wife like most women loved to browse. After about 5 months of accompanying her his wife received the following letter from the local Target:

Dear Mrs. Murphy:

Over the past few months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Murphy, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loudspeaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed; 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room? And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

Sunday, November 10, 2019

BUBBA


His name was Bubba, he was from Mississippi ...

And he needed a loan,

So... He walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan Officer. He told the loan officer that he was going to Paris for an International redneck
festival for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000; and that he was not a depositor of the bank.

The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the Redneck handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank. The Redneck produced the title and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest. Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Redneck from the South
for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's private underground garage and parked it.

Two weeks later, the Redneck returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07. The loan officer said, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.

While you were away, we checked you out on Dunn & Bradstreet and found that you are a Distinguished Alumni from Ole Miss University, a highly sophisticated investor and Multi-Millionaire with real estate and financial interests all over the world. Your investments include a large number of wind turbines around Sweetwater, Texas. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The good 'ole boy replied, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?"

His name was BUBBA....

Keep an eye on those southern boys!

Saturday, November 9, 2019

Lying


10 Indicators It May Be Happening

Let’s face it: Most of us lie every day. A famous study by a psychologist at the University of Massachusetts found that “60% of people lied at least once during a 10-minute conversation and told an average of two to three lies.” Most of us are not very good at spotting a lie. And science so far hasn’t done much better. Polygraph machines (popularly referred to as lie detectors) aren’t reliable enough to be used in most courts. And while brain researchers keep trying
to unravel the mechanism of lying, they have come up with nothing definitive. Even so, knowing a few things about lies and their tellers might someday help you. Here are some of the more popular techniques researchers and others working in law enforcement recommend when trying to spot a lie:

1. Voice changes
Changes in a person’s normal behavior can betray discomfort of some sort, and might be a tip-off to lies. These departures from normal behavior are most useful when you are observing someone you know well and are familiar with their normal patterns, and departures from those patterns. If you don’t know your subject well, spend time paying attention to how she or he normally talks and acts when relaxed. Is her speech normally slow or quick, loud or soft?
What is the quality of his voice usually like? Then, watch for distinct, but not subtle, changes from the normal pattern, retired FBI criminal profiler Gregg McCrary tells Real Simple.

2. Fidgeting
Guilt and the accompanying anxiety are thought to cause some people — although perhaps not accomplished liars — to squirm and fidget. But experts disagree on whether fidgeting really is a telltale sign of lying. Again, it might be more important to know whether fidgeting is typical for a person, or if it is an unusual behavior. Some people do the opposite of fidgeting — they cope with stress by standing still or freezing.

3. Protesting too much
“The lady doth protest too much, methinks,” says Queen Gertrude, Hamlet’s mother, while watching a play in which a character swears she’ll never remarry if her husband dies. The queen is pointing out that liars sometimes give themselves away by making too big a point of proclaiming their innocence. A twist on this is when someone loudly denies guilt or takes offense at the idea they might be thought guilty even though no one has actually accused them of anything. This hostile defensiveness can include finger-pointing.

4. Vowing honesty
Liars often work too hard to demonstrate their honesty, and that can be a dead giveaway. They’ll make too much use of vows and expressions like “to tell the truth,” “to be perfectly honest,” “I swear on a stack of Bibles” and “as God is my witness.”

5. Subtle eye movements
Lying is thought to be stressful for most liars. They have to think about what’s true and concoct a story that departs from the truth, causing a level of strain that, even when it’s subtle, may be observable. This stress can show up in a number of unconscious gestures. Liars are said to look away, or perhaps glance at an exit, betraying a desire to escape, says Psychology Today. Liars sometimes point their feet or even move their bodies in the direction of the exit.

6. Throat clearing
When you are talking with someone who clears his or her throat repeatedly or continues swallowing hard, see if you can figure out the reason for it. The person might just have something stuck in their throat, but be aware that stress can make your mouth dry, forcing a liar to try to relieve the condition.

7. TMI
Liars, at least unskilled ones — and we can all hope that the liars in our lives at least aren’t very good at it — may try to create a distraction by offering much too much information. If you find yourself wondering why you’re getting all this unnecessary detail, sit back, watch and listen. Then, ask yourself what’s going on.

8. Touching the mouth

People who hold their hands around their mouth, covering it or touching it, are unconsciously betraying the fact that they’re lying, behavioral analyst Lillian Glass tells Business Insider: “When adults put their hands over their lips, it means they aren’t revealing everything, and they just don’t want to tell the truth,” she says. “They are literally closing off communication.”

9. Signs of nervousness
Nervousness betrays many liars. Signs of nervousness aren’t hard to spot. For example, someone who is nervous may experience changes in their breathing tempo. Under stress, a person’s shoulders rise and fall, and his or her voice rises.

10. Fixed staring
Blinking, looking away and the inability to look you in the eye are supposed to be signs of evasion with some people. Others, though, may look you right in the eye and lie — but they can give themselves away by staring too intently or failing to blink, Glass says. This brazen behavior might be the sign of a more-accomplished liar. Financial scammer Bernard Madoff, “like most con men, overcompensated and stared at people longer than usual, often without blinking
at regular intervals,” Glass tells Business Insider.

[Source: Money Talks News | https://youtu.be/tglBL_A40Es | October 1, 2019 ++]

Military Humor Part 7


My high school assignment 
was to ask a veteran about World War II. Since my father had served 
in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, “Did you ever kill anyone?”

Dad got quiet. Then, in a soft voice, he said, “Probably. I was the cook.”
~~~~~~~~~~

When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. That’s why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.
~~~~~~~~~~

During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had “artistic” abilities. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. Then the sergeant announced that everyone would get a three day pass … except me. I would stay behind and neatly print each soldier’s name onto his Army-issued underwear.
~~~~~~~~~~

The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husband’s first choice 
of places to spend his 21st birthday. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from his sister. It was carefully encased in a Tupperware container and came with this note: “Dick, when you’re finished, can you mail back my container?”
~~~~~~~~~~

We were inspecting several lots of grenades. While everyone was concentrating on the task at hand, I held up a spare pin and asked, “Has anyone seen my grenade?”
~~~~~~~~~~

The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com:

 Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas

 Sent a recruit to medical-supplies office in search of fallopian tubes

 Had a new guy conduct a “boom test” on a howitzer by yelling “Boom!” down the tube in order to “calibrate” it

 Ordered a private to bring back a five-gallon can of dehydrated water (in fact, the sergeant just wanted an
empty water can)
~~~~~~~~~~

My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. During the question and answer period, he was asked, “How did you know the war was over?”

He replied, “When they stopped shooting at me.”


Friday, November 8, 2019

Overseas Holiday Mail 2019 Deadlines



Summer is barely over, but it’s time to start thinking about the holidays, especially when it comes to getting packages overseas in time for the troops. The U.S. Postal Service helps with your planning. They’ve just announced recommended mailing deadlines to get those goodies overseas in time for Christmas. To get them there in time for Hanukkah, which starts on Dec. 22 this year, subtract three days from the deadlines. The deadlines for various methods of shipping are the same for most APO/FPO/DPO (Air/Army Post Office/Fleet Post Office/diplomatic post office) ZIP codes. The exception is mail going to ZIP code 093, which covers overseas contingency areas.

 USPS Retail Ground mail (the slowest way to go, formerly known as Standard Post): Nov. 6.

 Space Available Mail (SAM): Nov. 27.

 Parcel Airlift Mail (PAL): Dec. 4.

 First-Class and Priority Mail (letters, cards and packages): Dec. 11, except for ZIP 093, which is Dec. 9.

 Priority Mail Express Military Services: Dec. 18. This service is not available for ZIP 093.
Plan to use the U.S. Postal Service’s Priority Mail Flat Rate boxes. The boxes themselves are free; you can stuff
whatever you can fit into them, and they cost one flat fee to ship your goodies, regardless of weight. There’s a $1.50
discount per box for those going to APO/FPO/DPO addresses. For example, the largest box military discounted price
is $18.45. The boxes come in various shapes and sizes. The boxes are available at post offices, and at www.usps.com.
The Postal Service has also created a “military care kit," which consists of the items most often requested by military
families. It’s free, and can ordered by calling 800-610-8734. The kit has:

 Two Priority Mail APO/FPO/DPO flat rate boxes
 Four Priority Mail medium flat rate boxes
 Priority Mail tape
 Priority Mail address labels
 Customs forms


At https://store.usps.com/store/product/shipping-supplies/military-care-kit-P_MILITARYKIT the Postal Service
provides guidelines for packing, addressing and shipping items. [Source: MilitaryTimes | Karen Jowers | October 10,
2019 ++

Wednesday, November 6, 2019

Sherman’s March to The Sea


Civil War’s Most Destructive Civilian Population Campaign

The March to the Sea, the most destructive campaign against a civilian population during the Civil War (1861-65), began in Atlanta on November 15, 1864, and ended in Savannah on December 21, 1864. Union General William T. Sherman abandoned his supply line and marched across Georgia to the Atlantic Ocean to prove to the Confederate population that its government could not protect the people from invaders. He practiced psychological warfare; he believed that by marching an Army across the state he would demonstrate to the world that the Union had a power the Confederacy could not resist. "This may not be war," he said, “but rather statesmanship.”

After Sherman's forces captured Atlanta on September 2, 1864, Sherman spent several weeks concerned with preparations for a change of base to the coast. He rejected the Union plan to move through Alabama to Mobile, pointing out that after Rear Admiral David G. Farragut closed Mobile Bay in August 1864, the Alabama port no longer held any military significance. Rather, he decided to proceed southeast toward Savannah or Charleston. He carefully studied census records to determine which route could provide food for his men and forage for his animals. Although U.S. President Abraham Lincoln was skeptical and did not want Sherman to move into enemy territory before the presidential election in November, Sherman persuaded his friend Lieutenant General Ulysses S. Grant that the campaign was possible in winter. Through Grant's intervention, Sherman finally gained permission, although he had to delay until after election day.

After General John Bell Hood abandoned Atlanta, he moved the Confederate Army of Tennessee outside the city to recuperate from the previous campaign. Early in October, he began a raid toward Chattanooga, Tennessee, in an effort to draw Sherman back over ground the two sides had fought for since May. But instead of tempting Sherman to battle, Hood turned his Army west and marched into Alabama, abandoning Georgia to Union forces. Apparently, Hood hoped that if he invaded Tennessee, Sherman would be forced to follow. Sherman, however, had anticipated this strategy and had sent Major General George H. Thomas to Nashville to deal with Hood. With Georgia cleared of the Confederate Army, Sherman, facing only scattered cavalry, was free to move south.

Sherman divided his approximately 60,000 troops into two roughly equal wings. The right wing was under Oliver O. Howard. Peter J. Osterhaus commanded the Fifteenth Corps, and Francis P. Blair Jr. commanded the Seventeenth Corps. The left wing was commanded by Henry W. Slocum, with the Fourteenth Corps under Jefferson C. Davis and the Twentieth Corps under Alpheus S. Williams. Judson Kilpatrick led the cavalry. Sherman had about 2,500 supply wagons and 600 ambulances. Before the Army left Atlanta, the general issued an order outlining the rules of the march, but Soldiers often ignored the restrictions on foraging.

The two wings advanced by separate routes, generally staying twenty miles to forty miles apart. The right-wing headed for Macon, the left-wing in the direction of Augusta before the two commands turned and bypassed both cities. They now headed for the state capital at Milledgeville. Opposing Sherman's advance was Confederate cavalry, about 8,000 strong, under Major General Joseph Wheeler and various units of Georgia militia under Gustavus W. Smith. Although William J. Hardee had overall command in Georgia, with his headquarters at Savannah, neither he nor Governor Joseph E. Brown could do anything to stop Sherman's advance. Sherman's foragers quickly became known as "bummers" as they raided farms and plantations. On November 23rd the state capitol peacefully surrendered, and
Sherman occupied the vacant governor's mansion and the capitol building.

There were a number of skirmishes between Wheeler's cavalry and Union troopers, but only two battles of any significance. The first came east of Macon at the factory town of Griswoldville on November 22nd, when Georgia militia faced Union infantry with disastrous results. The Confederates suffered 650 men killed or wounded in a one sided battle that left about 62 casualties on the Union side. The second battle occurred on the Ogeechee River twelve miles below Savannah. Union Infantry under William B. Hazen assaulted and captured Fort McAllister on December 13th, thus opening the back door to the port city. The most controversial event involved contrabands (escaped slaves) who followed the liberating armies. At Ebenezer Creek on December 9th, Jefferson C. Davis removed the pontoon bridge before the slaves crossed. Frightened men, women, and children plunged into the deep water, and many drowned in an attempt to reach safety. After the march, Davis was soundly criticized by the Northern press, but Sherman backed his commander by pointing out that Davis had done what was militarily necessary.

After Fort McAllister fell, Sherman made preparations for a siege of Savannah. Confederate Lieutenant General Hardee, realizing his small Army could not hold out long and not wanting the city leveled by artillery as had happened at Atlanta, ordered his men to abandon the trenches and retreat to South Carolina. Sherman, who was not with the Union Army when Mayor Richard Arnold surrendered Savannah (he had gone to Hilton Head, South Carolina, to make preparations for a siege and was on his way back to Georgia), telegraphed President Lincoln on December 22nd that the city had fallen. He offered Savannah and its 25,000 bales of cotton to the President as a Christmas present. Sherman's march frightened and appalled Southerners. It hurt morale, for civilians had believed the Confederacy
could protect the home front. Sherman had terrorized the countryside; his men had destroyed all sources of food and forage and had left behind a hungry and demoralized people. Although he did not level any towns, he did destroy buildings in places where there was resistance. His men had shown little sympathy for Millen, the site of Camp Lawton, where Union prisoners of war were held. Physical attacks on white civilians were few, although it is not known how slave women fared at the hands of the invaders. Often male slaves posted guards outside the cabins of their female friends and relatives.

Confederate President Jefferson Davis had urged Georgians to undertake a scorched-earth policy of poisoning wells and burning fields, but civilians in the Army's path had not done so. Sherman, however, burned or captured all the food stores that Georgians had saved for the winter months. As a result of the hardships on women and children, desertions increased in Robert E. Lee's Army in Virginia. Sherman believed his campaign against civilians would shorten the war by breaking the Confederate will to fight, and he eventually received permission to carry this psychological warfare into South Carolina in early 1865. By marching through Georgia and South Carolina he became an arch-villain in the South and a hero in the North.

[Source: Together We Served | October 2019 ++]

Wednesday, October 23, 2019

Growing Older


Someone asked me if I liked growing older. My response was, not in particular, but it is acceptable - Who thought it
would come so soon. As I've aged, I've become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. Yep - little things don't
irritate me anymore. Big incompetent snafus still do. I've become my own friend. I get some really good replies.

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world, too soon; and it hurts every time.

There is a great freedom that comes with aging. Along with that freedom comes more responsibilities - mostly to
set a good example for the grandchildren.

Whose business is it, if I choose to read, or play, on the computer, until 4 AM, or sleep until noon? Only my
wife. I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 50, 60 & 70's, as long as my ankles hold out. And if I,
at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love, or two, or more, too many years ago to remember them all. I will.

I will walk the beach, in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves, with
abandon, with any luck the waves won't knock me on my butt and tear up my knees if I choose to, despite the
pitying glances from the jet set. Ain't no jet setters in my Community, but we do have a magnificent beach. They
too, will get old. But they do not yet know it is coming.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. Huh? But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. But some mistakes
are a lot of fun to live over again - with embellished outcomes of course. That goes with the forgetting and, I
eventually remember the important things. Like glasses and toilet paper.

Sure, over the years, my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break, when you lose a loved one, or
when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet passes? I've been through all three and I would rather
not have any more of that. But, broken hearts are what give us strength, and understanding, and compassion. And
most of all: faith. A heart never broken, is pristine, and sterile, and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, it looks darker to me until I see my
picture and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. Nope - not yet So many
have never laughed, and that is sad - laughter is healing at any age and so many have died before their hair could
turn silver. Go get the bottle and try again -

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. So much to be thankful for. You care less about what other people
think or say. I don't question myself anymore. Darn, how could I bet against Clemson! I've even earned the right to
be wrong. That may be so, but living with the consequences is sometimes difficult.

I like being old. I don't mind the old, I do mind the health issues. Old has set me free! I like the person I have
become. I know I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could
have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day (if I feel like it). In our
household, we eat dessert FIRST - always.