Growing Older

Someone asked me if I liked growing older. My response was, not in particular, but it is acceptable - Who thought it
would come so soon. As I've aged, I've become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. Yep - little things don't
irritate me anymore. Big incompetent snafus still do. I've become my own friend. I get some really good replies.

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world, too soon; and it hurts every time.

There is a great freedom that comes with aging. Along with that freedom comes more responsibilities - mostly to
set a good example for the grandchildren.

Whose business is it, if I choose to read, or play, on the computer, until 4 AM, or sleep until noon? Only my
wife. I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 50, 60 & 70's, as long as my ankles hold out. And if I,
at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love, or two, or more, too many years ago to remember them all. I will.

I will walk the beach, in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves, with
abandon, with any luck the waves won't knock me on my butt and tear up my knees if I choose to, despite the
pitying glances from the jet set. Ain't no jet setters in my Community, but we do have a magnificent beach. They
too, will get old. But they do not yet know it is coming.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. Huh? But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. But some mistakes
are a lot of fun to live over again - with embellished outcomes of course. That goes with the forgetting and, I
eventually remember the important things. Like glasses and toilet paper.

Sure, over the years, my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break, when you lose a loved one, or
when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet passes? I've been through all three and I would rather
not have any more of that. But, broken hearts are what give us strength, and understanding, and compassion. And
most of all: faith. A heart never broken, is pristine, and sterile, and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, it looks darker to me until I see my
picture and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. Nope - not yet So many
have never laughed, and that is sad - laughter is healing at any age and so many have died before their hair could
turn silver. Go get the bottle and try again -

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. So much to be thankful for. You care less about what other people
think or say. I don't question myself anymore. Darn, how could I bet against Clemson! I've even earned the right to
be wrong. That may be so, but living with the consequences is sometimes difficult.

I like being old. I don't mind the old, I do mind the health issues. Old has set me free! I like the person I have
become. I know I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could
have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day (if I feel like it). In our
household, we eat dessert FIRST - always.

Military Humor

During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud
with a red-faced colonel at the wheel.
'Your jeep stuck, sir?' asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside.
'Nope,' replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, 'yours is.'

~~~~~~~~~~

Officer: 'Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?'
Soldier: 'Sure, buddy.'
Officer: 'That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!'
Officer: 'Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?'
Soldier: 'No, SIR!'

~~~~~~~~~~

An Air Force Chief Master Sergeant and a General were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished
with their shaves when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.
The General shouted, 'Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!'
The Chief turned to his barber and said, 'Go ahead and put it on me. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a
whorehouse smells like.'

~~~~~~~~~-

Military USMC Quote… "When I joined the military it was illegal to be homosexual, then it became optional, and now
it's legal. I'm getting out before they make it mandatory."

~~~~~~~~~~

The reason the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines squabble among themselves is that they don't speak the same
language. For example, take a simple phrase like "Secure the building." The various services would take the following
action:
 The Army will put guards around the place.
 The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
 The Air Force will take out a 5-year lease with an option to buy.
 The Marines will kill everybody inside and make it a command post.

Male Blonde Jokes

Shampoo
A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?"
He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine."

~~~~~~~~~~

Mail
A blonde man spies a letter lying on his doormat.
It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND."
He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.

~~~~~~~~~~

Birth
A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No! Dummy" he shouts, "this is her husband!"

~~~~~~~~~~

Suicide
A blonde man is in jail, the guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
"Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.
"Hanging myself," the blonde replies.
"The rope should be around your neck" says the guard.
"I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe."

~~~~~~~~~~
Scuba Divers
An Italian tourist asks a blonde man: "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
To which the blonde man replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."

~~~~~~~~~~
Christmas
A friend told the blonde man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year."
The blonde man then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."

~~~~~~~~~~
Grenades
Two blonde men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station.
One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?"
The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."

Duchamp Versus Einstein by Christopher Hinz & Etan Ilfeld

"Deeply engaging. Cleverly weaves history and chess into a thought-provoking tale!" – New York Times bestseller Wesley Chu

A voice drifts out of a dark alleyway in 1917 New York, and an apple falls from a hand in 1905 Bern. Duchamp stumbles home from a radical demonstration and Einstein wrestles with an ambitious new theory outside the patent office.

Little do they know they are hurtling towards each other, and a chess match to end all matches manipulated by a being beyond even their understanding.

"Duchamp versus Einstein is full of surprises, bringing these two fascinating intellects together around a chess board at a pivotal moment for mankind." - Christopher Slaney, author of Age of Sail

Available from Angry Robot Books

The Forbidden Stars by Tim Pratt

The ancient alien gods are waking up, and there's only one spaceship crew ready to stop them, in this dazzling space opera conclusion to the Axiom saga.

Aliens known as the Liars gave humanity access to the stars through twenty-nine wormholes. They didn’t mention that other aliens, the ancient, tyrannical – but thankfully sleeping – Axiom occupied all the other systems.

When the twenty-ninth fell silent, humanity chalked it up to radical separatists and moved on. But now, on board the White Raven, Captain Callie and her crew of Axiom-hunters receive word that the twenty-ninth colony may have met a very different fate.

With their bridge generator they skip past the wormhole, and discover another Axiom project, fully awake, and poised to pour through the wormhole gate into all the worlds of humanity…

Available from Angry Robot Books

The Imaginary Corpse by Tyler Hayes

A dinosaur detective in the land of unwanted ideas battles trauma, anxiety, and the first serial killer of imaginary friends.

In a world where Toy Story meets Sin City, a dinosaur detective battles his own trauma and a remorseless serial killer hell-bent on shaking up an already messed-up town.

Tippy the triceratops was once someone’s best friend: a sunshine-yellow toy detective imagined to help make sense of the world. But inescapable tragedy forced Tippy to be set aside – still loved, still Real, but now abandoned. So he found a home in the underbelly of the imagination, a place called the Stillreal.

But friends keep disappearing here, and Tippy is left chasing a mysterious figure who can do the impossible – kill an idea. Permanently. With fear and anxiety already ripe on the streets of Playtime Town, Tippy must face his own demons before all that’s left is imaginary corpses.

Introducing a fantasy-noir of an entirely different breed…

Available from Angry Robot Books

The Resurrectionist of Caligo by Wendy Trimboli & Alicia Zaloga

With a murderer on the loose, it’s up to an enlightened bodysnatcher and a rebellious princess to save the city, in this wonderfully inventive Victorian-tinged fantasy noir.

“Man of Science” Roger Weathersby scrapes out a risky living digging up corpses for medical schools. When he’s framed for the murder of one of his cadavers, he’s forced to trust in the superstitions he’s always rejected: his former friend, princess Sibylla, offers to commute Roger’s execution in a blood magic ritual which will bind him to her forever.

With little choice, he finds himself indentured to Sibylla and propelled into an investigation. There’s a murderer loose in the city of Caligo, and the duo must navigate science and sorcery, palace intrigue and dank boneyards to catch the butcher before the killings tear their whole country apart.

Available from Angry Robot Books.

Motivational Quotes

On the Humorous Side

Is there such a thing as funny motivational quotes? Of course! I mean, why can’t we have a little fun and be motivated at the same time? Some of the quotes below are pure gold!

Here are 20 more short and funny motivational quotes to help brighten your day:

41. “I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.” – Benjamin Franklin

42. “If you let your head get too big, it’ll break your neck.” – Elvis Presley

43. “Life is like a sewer – what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” – Tom Lehrer

44. “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing — that’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar

45. “The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.” – Unknown

46. “Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.” – Mae West

47. “When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” – Cathy Guisewite

48. “You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.” – Sam Levenson

49. “A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.” – Justin Sewell

50. “By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” – Robert Frost

51. “Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” – Will Rogers

52. “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin

53. “I have a simple philosophy: Fill what is empty. Empty what is full. Scratch where it itches.” – Alice Roosevelt Longworth

54. “If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese

55. “Live each day like it’s your second to the last. That way you can fall asleep at night.” – Jason Love

56. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” – Winnie the Pooh

57. “The question isn’t who is going to let me, it’s who is going to stop me.” – Ayn Rand

58. “Trying is the first step toward failure.” – Homer Simpson

59. “Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” – Marilyn Monroe

60. “You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.” – Robin Williams