A Couple of Jokes

 Skip this if you are easily offended; of course, if you are you wouldn't be reading this blog.

A vet goes into the U.S. Postal service to apply for a job. 

The interviewer asks him, “Are you allergic to anything?” 

He replies, “Caffeine. I can’t drink coffee.”   

Okay. Have you been in in the military service? 

He says. “Yes. I was in Afghanistan for one tour.” 

The interviewer says, “That will give you 5 extra points toward employment.” 

Then he asks, “Are you disabled in any way?” 

The vet says, “Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles.” 

The interviewer grimaces and then says, “Disabled in your country’s service! Well that qualifies you more extra bonus points. Okay.” Looking at the regulations you have enough points for me to hire you tight now. Our normal working hours are 8:00 AM to 4:00 PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 AM. 

The vet is puzzled and asks, “If the work hours are from 8:00 AM to 4:00 PM, why don’t you want me here till 10:00 AM?” 

 “This is a government job,” the interviewer says. “For the first two hours we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that.” 

 -o-o-O-o-o-

A pastor dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a fellow who’s dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans. 

Saint Peter addresses him, ‘Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?’ 

The fellow replies, ‘I’m Jack, retired pilot from Houston.’ 

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and say to the pilot, “Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom. The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.

Next, it’s the pastors turn. He stands erect and booms out, ‘I am Bob, Pastor for the last 43 years.’ 

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the Bob, ‘Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom.’ 

‘Just a minute,’ says the Bob. ‘That man was a pilot and he gets a silken robe and golden staff and I get only cotton and wood. How can this be?’ 

‘Up here – we go by results,’ say Saint Peter. ‘When you preached – people slept. When he flew, people prayed.’