Kameron Hurley
For the first time, the complete epic fantasy saga in one volume
The Worldbreaker Saga is Kameron Hurley's fantasy masterwork, and we're delighted to be publishing the entire epic trilogy in a new single volume digital omnibus.
Collecting The Mirror Empire, Empire Ascendant, and The Broken Heavens, and with a new exclusive content from Kameron, this is the definitive edition of a true masterpiece.
Available from Amazon.com and other booksellers.
1. What’s the Marines’ main mission?
To make sure the Army never gets their feet wet.
2. An Airman, Soldier, and Marine are sitting around talking about hardships they faced on their last deployment.
Airman: “The worst was when the air conditioner in our tent broke and it was 110 outside!”
Soldier: “WTF, you had air conditioners?”
Marine: “Wait, stop. You had tents?”
3. A Captain halted a Corporal and asked why his stripes weren’t on his sleeves.
He replied, “They hurt my nose when I wiped.”
4. A morning radio announcer on the AFES station in Anchorage was giving the time one morning at 8 AM.
He said, for those of you in the Air Force, it is 8 AM.
In the Army, it is 0800 hours.
In the Navy, it is 8 bells.
For the Marines, the little hand is on the 8 and the big hand is on the 12.
5. What do you call a Marine who can read and write? “Sir! Yes, Sir!”
6. Three Marines are walking down the sidewalk and see a large pile of brown matter.
One scoops some of it up in his hand and says, “It feels like poop.”
The other picks some up, puts it in his mouth, and says, “It tastes like poop, too.”
The last marine picks some up and sniffs saying, “It smells like poop, as well.”
The trio walks way, happy that none of them stepped in it.
7. What do you call a Marine with an IQ of 160? A platoon.
8. During deployment on the Aircraft Carrier Midway, there was an inspection by a visiting Admiral.
All Navy and Marine personnel lined up in formation for the Admiral.
While walking past several Sailors asking questions and receiving appropriate answers the Admiral stopped in front of a Marine and asked “What’s the first thing you do after hearing “Man Overboard?”
Without hesitation, the Marine asked “Officer or Enlisted?”
9. I tried out for the Marines but fell just short of their requirements
So they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine.
10. What do you call a Marine with a head wound? Ajar head.
In a world which believes her to be a monster, a young striga fights to harness the power of her second heart, while her mother sacrifices everything to stop her…
A wonderful wintery fantasy debut, inspired by the Slavic folklore tales of Gabriela's youth.
"A
lyrical tale of mothers and daughters, the lies we tell ourselves and
the choking strictures of petty society... Captivating, provocative and
poignant – not to be missed."
– David Wragg, author of The Black Hawks
Available from Amazon and other booksellers
Return to the world of the Axiom trilogy in this collection of brand-new novellas
Revisit the crew members of the White Raven as they strike out on new and enthralling adventures in Tim Pratt's richly-drawn and beloved space operatic universe.
"Precisely
the kind of space opera romp guaranteed to delight me. Fast-paced, and
with a rag-tag crew of heroes and a selection of batshit weird dangers,
it drove an appealing course through a galaxy not so very far away."
– Locus
Available from Amazon and other booksellers
While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!"
Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. "That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad.
Later that evening as Johnny's mother cooks dinner, a cockroach runs across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her.
Little Johnny looks at his father and says, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?"
o-o-O-o-o-
A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first."
"A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
"Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."
"Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"
o-o-O-o-o-
A teacher asks her class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day".
The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson.
"And you, Susie? " the teacher asks.
Susie says "I wanna be Johnny's bitch."
The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable words, she thought it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children examples of words with more than one syllable.
"Jane, Do you know any multi-syllable words?"
After some thought Jane proudly replied with "Monday."
"Great Jane that has two syllables, Mon......day."
"Does anyone know another word?"
"I do, I do, me me me," replied Johnny.
Knowing Johnny's more mature sense of humor, she picks Mike instead.
"Okay Mike, what is your word?"
"Saturday" says Mike.
"Great, that has three syllables."
Not wanting to be outdone, Johnny says "I know a four syllable word, pick me....."
Not thinking he can do any harm with a word that large the teacher reluctantly says, "Okay Johnny what is your
four syllable word?"
Johnny proudly says, "Mas...tur...ba...tion."
Shocked, the teacher, trying to retain her composure says, "Wow, Johnny, four syllables, that certainly is a mouthful".
"No Ma'am, your thinking of blow job, and that's only two syllables."
One day little Johnny was digging a hole in his back yard.
The next-door neighbor spotted him and decided
to investigate.
"Hello Johnny, what are you up to?" he asked.
"My goldfish died and I'm gonna bury him," Johnny replied.
"That's a really big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" asked the neighbor.
"That's because he's inside your cat!"
o-o-O-o-o
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"
"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."
An unnamed teenager in Thailand was excited by the surprisingly low price he found online for an Apple iPhone, and even though the shipping seemed a little high, he went ahead and ordered it, Oddity Central reported.
The surprise came when he received a box nearly as tall as he was and found inside a coffee table shaped like an iPhone.
The teen posted photos of his acquisition on social media and admitted he had been so anxious to snag the bargain that he didn't read the listing carefully.
[Oddity Central, 3/23/2021]
Good Fortune Burger in Toronto has renamed some if its menu items as office supplies as a not-so-underhanded way to help customers get reimbursed for lunch, the National Post reported, and perhaps boost sales.
The restaurant's Fortune Burger is now the Basic Steel Stapler, and Parm Fries will appear on a receipt as CPU Wireless Mouse.
Director of operations Jon Purdy said the restaurant
"just wanted an opportunity to put a smile on some people's faces and have them have a little bit of a giggle."
[National Post, 3/4/2021]
Mr. Friendly Auto Service in Warren, Michigan, is one of two auto repair businesses in the area targeted by a serial pooper, police say.
The man, seen on surveillance video, entered parked,
unlocked vehicles to do his business, leaving his deposit behind for workers to find the next day, Fox 2 reported.
The man first struck in November and returned in January, said Chris Phillips, manager of Mr. Friendly.
In February, police said, the man struck at nearby Twin Tire, going from car to car until he found one left unlocked because of an electrical problem.
"Now we've got double padlocks on the gate," said
Phillips.
"The guy needs to be caught. There is something wrong with him."
[Fox 2, 2/16/2021]
Shannon Stevens, along with her brother Erik and his girlfriend, snowmobiled to Erik's yurt in the back country near Haines, Alaska, on 13 FEB and got the scare of a lifetime when she was attacked from below by a bear in an outhouse, the Associated Press reported.
Erik heard his sister's screams and went out to investigate, opening the toilet seat to find "a bear face ... just looking right back up through the hole, right at me," he said.
He shut the lid and ran back to the yurt, where they treated Shannon's wound with a first aid kit and determined is wasn't serious.
Alaska Department of Fish and Game Wildlife
Management biologist Carl Koch said the bear probably swiped at her with its paw, rather than biting her.
"She could be the only person on Earth that this has ever happened to," Koch speculated.
[Associated Press, 2/19/2021]
Desperate Times
Police in the Ukrainian village of Hrybova Rudnya determined that the unnamed man who called them 13 FEB and confessed to seriously injuring his stepfather, made the call in order to get the road in front of his house cleared of snow.
Police spokeswoman Yulia Kovtun told the BBC the man insisted that officers would need special equipment to get to him because of the snow, but when police arrived, they found no assault or murder, and the road had already been cleared by a tractor.
The man was charged with filing a false report and fined. [BBC, 2/15/2021]
1. How do you knock out a marine while he’s drinking water? Slam the toilet lid down on his head.
2. A Marine orders a pizza and the waitress asks if he’d like it sliced into four pieces or six. “Make it four. I’m not hungry enough for six.”
3. What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? They all originally set out to become Marines.
4. Why did God give the Marine one more brain cell than the horse? So he wouldn’t poop along the parade route.
5. Ever wonder what Marine stands for? Muscles. Are. Required. Intelligence. Not. Essential.
6. Helicopter nicknames
USAF: Birds
USA: Choppers
USN: Helos
USMC: OHH! OHH OHOH! (pointing at the sky)
7. What’s the worst thing you can say to a Marine? “I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to join the marines.”
8. A vegan, a cross-fitter, and a Marine walk into a bar… I know it because they announced it as soon as they walked in.
9. How do you keep a Marine happy in his old age? Tell him a joke when he’s young.
10. Bartender: “Guys, I just heard a great joke about the military!”
Patron: “Before you say anything, you should know that my buddy and I are marines. Think you still want to share it?”
Bartender: “Nah. I don’t want to have to explain it.”
Bill Dorris, a successful Nashville, Tennessee, businessman, was 84 years old when he passed away late last year, WTVF-TV reported, leaving $5 million to his beloved 8-year-old border collie, Lulu.
Dorris, who was unmarried and traveled frequently, often left Lulu in the care of his friend Martha Burton, 88, who will continue to keep the dog and will be reimbursed for reasonable monthly expenses from the trust established for Lulu by the will. Burton was chill about the whole thing: "I don't really know what to think about it to tell you the truth," she said.
"He just really loved that dog."
[WTVF 2/12/2021]
Concordia University student Aaron Asuini wanted to ask a question in the online art history class he was taking, but when he tried to reach out to the lecturer, Francois-Marc Gagnon, he couldn't find any contact information in the school's portal. So he Googled the professor's name -- and found an obituary.
The Verge reported Gagnon passed away in March 2019, and although the course syllabus listed someone else as the class's official instructor, it also noted that Gagnon would be the lecturer.
A Concordia spokesperson expressed regret at the misunderstanding, but Asuini is still unsettled about it:
"I don't really even want to watch the lectures anymore. ... I think it lacked tact and respect for this teacher's life."
[The Verge, 2/4/2021]
