Sunday, December 16, 2018
I read that 60,000,833 people got married in 2017. Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?
I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.
When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body. However, many men are so polite they only look
at the covered parts.
Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but until Donald Trump ran for president, would not cross the street to vote.
You know that tingly little feeling you get when you love someone? That's your common sense leaving your body.
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been Googling my name on her computer. I saw her doing it
through the telescope in my upstairs office last night.
Money talks... but all mine ever says is good-bye.
I’m not fat, I’m just easier to see.
If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing paying a couple of monthly utility bills.
I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out?"
I can't understand why women are OK that Macy’s has an older women's clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."
The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can go in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.
I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.
Money can't buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!
The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was that nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney,
Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie, were
all single. The only married person was Otis and he stayed drunk.