Military Humor

During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud
with a red-faced colonel at the wheel.
'Your jeep stuck, sir?' asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside.
'Nope,' replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, 'yours is.'

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Officer: 'Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?'
Soldier: 'Sure, buddy.'
Officer: 'That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!'
Officer: 'Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?'
Soldier: 'No, SIR!'

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An Air Force Chief Master Sergeant and a General were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished
with their shaves when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.
The General shouted, 'Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!'
The Chief turned to his barber and said, 'Go ahead and put it on me. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a
whorehouse smells like.'

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Military USMC Quote… "When I joined the military it was illegal to be homosexual, then it became optional, and now
it's legal. I'm getting out before they make it mandatory."

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The reason the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines squabble among themselves is that they don't speak the same
language. For example, take a simple phrase like "Secure the building." The various services would take the following
action:
 The Army will put guards around the place.
 The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
 The Air Force will take out a 5-year lease with an option to buy.
 The Marines will kill everybody inside and make it a command post.