A basic trainee realizes he made an awful mistake and goes to the DI. “You can’t keep me here because one of my legs is shorter than the other. I’ll be useless.”
The DI smirks, “No one is useless. See that guy down the hill pumping water into a bucket?”
When the trainee nods, the DI continues, “Run down there and tell him when the bucket is full. He’s blind.”
If God had meant for us to be in the Army, we would have been born with baggy green skin.
Two PFCs are walking down the street. “Look, a dead bird.”
The Second PFC looks up to the sky, “Where? I don’t see it!”
Two most important rules in the Army: Your commanding officer is always right.
In case your commanding officer is wrong, remember rule number one.
Why doesn’t the Army Football team have ice on the sidelines?
The guy with the recipe finally graduated.
Overheard at the VFW: When I was in the Army, I got both my arms shot off.” “I shouldered on, anyway.”
Two Army 2nd Lts in North Carolina were going into the Training Area at night and were arguing about distances.
One said, “OK, Smarty, which is closer, Florida or the Moon?”
The second one said, “DUH? The moon is closer. You can’t see Florida!”
A private asks a sergeant, “Is it true that man descended from monkeys?” “Privates, probably. But definitely not sergeants.”
A Platoon Sergeant and his Platoon Leader are bunked down in the field for the night. The Platoon Sergeant looks up and says, “When you see all the stars in the sky, what do you think, sir?”
The LT replies, “Well, I think of how insignificant we really are in the universe and I can’t help but wonder if what we do truly means anything or makes any difference. What do you think of Sergeant?”
“I think somebody stole the damn tent.”
What is the difference between the Boy Scouts and the Army? The Boy Scouts have adult supervision.