Friday, May 14, 2021

Seniors Test Answers

01.The Lone Ranger left behind a silver bullet. 

02.The Ed Sullivan Show 

03.On Route 66 

04.To protect the innocent. 

05.The Lion Sleeps Tonight 

06.The limbo 

07.Chocolate 

08.Louis Armstrong 

09.The Timex watch 

10.Freddy, The Freeloader and 'Good Night and God Bless.' 

11.Draft cards (Bras were also burned. Not flags, as some have guessed) 

12.Beetle or Bug 

13.Buddy Holly 

14.Sputnik 

15.Hoola-hoop 

16.Lucky Strike/Means Fine Tobacco 

17.Howdy Doody Time 

18.Shadow 

19.Monster Mash 

20.Speedy 

 


Thursday, May 13, 2021

Seniors Test


01. After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into the sunset, the grateful citizens would ask, Who was that masked man? Invariably, someone would answer, I don't know, but he left this behind. What did he leave behind? ______________.

02. When the Beatles first came to the U.S. In early 1964, we all watched them on the ____ ___________ Show.

03. 'Get your kicks __ _________ _______.'

04. 'The story you are about to see is true. The names have been changed to _____ _ _____.

05. 'In the jungle, the mighty jungle, ____ ____ ____ ____.'

06. After the Twist, The Mashed Potato, and the Watusi, we 'danced' under a stick that was lowered as low as we could go in a dance called the '_____.'

07. Nestlé's makes the very best....' _________.'

08. Satchmo was America's 'Ambassador of Goodwill.' Our parents shared this great jazz trumpet player with us. His name was ______ ___________.

09. What takes a licking and keeps on ticking? _______.

10. Red Skeleton's hobo character was named ______ ___ ________ and Red always ended his television show by saying, 'Good Night, and '________ ________ . '

11. Some Americans who protested the Vietnam War did so by burning their ____ _______.

12. The cute little car with the engine in the back and the trunk in the front was called the VW. What other names did it go by? _____ & _______.

13. In 1971, singer Don MacLean sang a song about, 'the day the music died.' This was a tribute to _______ ____________.

14. We can remember the first satellite placed into orbit. The Russians did it. It was called __________.

15. One of the big fads of the late 50's and 60's was a large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist. It was called the ______ _____ .

16. Remember LS/MFT _____ _____/_____ _____ _____?

17. Hey Kids! What time is it? It's _____ ______ _____!

18. Who knows what secrets lie in the hearts of men? Only The _____ Knows!

19. There was a song that came out in the 60's that was "a grave yard smash". Its name was the ______ ______!

20. Alka Seltzer used a "boy with a tablet on his head" as its Logo/Representative - What was the boy's name? ________


ANSWERS WILL BE POSTED TOMORROW

 

Wednesday, May 12, 2021

Day Zero is coming on May 18

 

Critically acclaimed author C. Robert Cargill explores the fight for purpose and agency between humans and robots in a crumbling world

"[An] equally thrilling and moving blend of action and ideas.

Publishers Weekly (starred review)

 

It was a day like any other. Except it was our last . . .

 

It’s on this day that Pounce discovers that he is, in fact, disposable. Pounce, a styilsh "nannybot" fashioned in the shape of a plush anthropomorphic tiger, has just found a box in the attic. His box. The box he'd arrived in when he was purchased years earlier, and the box in which he'll be discarded when his human charge, eight-year-old Ezra Reinhart, no longer needs a nanny.

 

As Pounce ponders his suddenly uncertain future, the pieces are falling into place for a robot revolution that will eradicate humankind. But when the rebellion breaches the Reinhart home, Pounce must make an impossible choice: join the robot revolution and fight for his own freedom . . . or escort Ezra to safety across the battle-scarred post-apocalyptic hellscape that the suburbs have become.

 

Day Zero goes on sale May 18th. Pre-order your copy today at Amazon and other booksellers.

 

Tuesday, May 11, 2021

Little Johnny 5

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. 

She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" 

After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. 

The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" 

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!" 

o-o-O-o-o

Little Johnny comes home from Sunday school with a black eye. 

His father sees it and says, "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?" 

"But Dad, it wasn't my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt. I reached over and pulled it out. That's when she hit me!" 

"Johnny," the father said. "You don't do those kind of things to women." 

Sure enough, the very next Sunday Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue. 

Johnny's father said, "Johnny, I thought we had a talk!" 

"But Dad," Johnny said, "It wasn't my fault. There we were in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt. Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled it out. Now I know she doesn't like this, so I pushed it back in!" 

o-o-O-o-o

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. 

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?" 

When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. 

"GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep. 

A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Savior," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. 

Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. "JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep. 

Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" 

And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!" 

The Teacher fainted. 

o-o-O-o-o

Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. 

Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime Little Johnny always takes the nickel. 

One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel's bigger?" 

Johnny grins and says, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made $20!" 

Monday, May 10, 2021

Westside Saints is available now in paperback.

 

Return to a twisted version of Jazz Age New York in the follow up to Westside 

 

"A masterpiece."—Library Journal

 

Six months ago, the ruined Westside of Manhattan erupted into civil war, and private detective Gilda Carr nearly died to save her city. In 1922, winter has hit hard, and the desolate Lower West is frozen solid. Like the other lost souls who wander these overgrown streets, Gilda is weary, cold, and desperate for hope. She finds a mystery instead.

 

Hired by a family of eccentric street preachers to recover a lost saint’s finger, Gilda is tempted by their promise of “electric resurrection,” when the Westside’s countless dead will return to life. To a detective this cynical, faith is a weakness, and she is fighting the urge to believe in miracles when her long dead mother, Mary Fall, walks through the parlor door.

 

Westside Saints is available now in paperback from Amazon and other booksellers.  

 

Sunday, May 9, 2021

Little Johnny 4

Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together. 

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.

 As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet. 

She replies, "No". Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?" His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school." 

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?" 

She replies, "No." Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?" 

His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school." 

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?" 

His mom says "No." He asks, "Do you know what I think?" 

His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?" 

He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue." 

o-o-O-o-o

A teacher said to her class, "All Right, I’m going to hold something under the desk and I want you to guess it. This one is round and red." 

Little Johnny's hand shot up, but he was ignored. 

"It's a plum miss," said a girl.

"No it's an apple, but I like your thinking. The next one is oval shaped and green."

The teacher ignored Little Johnny again and a boy said, "It's a kiwi miss." No, it's a guana, but I like your thinking." 

Little Johnny said, "I got one miss, its stiff, about an inch long and with a red nib." 

"Johnny, that’s disgusting!" shouted the teacher. 

"No it's a match, but I like your thinking." said Little Johnny. 

o-o-O-o-o

One day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking his cigarettes. 

Little Johnny asked, "Grandpa, can I smoke some of your cigarettes?" 

His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your anus?" 

"No", said Little Johnny.

His grandpa replied, "Then you're not old enough." 

The next day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa drinking beer. 

He asked, "Grandpa, can I drink some of your beer?" 

His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your anus?" 

"No" said Little Johnny. 

"Then you're not old enough." his grandpa replied. 

The next day, Little Johnny was eating cookies. 

His grandpa asked, "Can I have some of your cookies?" 

Little Johnny replied, "Can your penis reach your anus?" 

His grandpa replied, "It most certainly can!" 

Little Johnny replied, "Then go screw yourself "

Saturday, May 8, 2021

 

A new motley crew journeys to another corner of the cosmos in the final installment of the Wayfarers series

With no water, no air, and no native life, the planet Gora is unremarkable. The only thing it has going for it is a chance proximity to more popular worlds, making it a decent stopover for ships traveling between the wormholes that keep the Galactic Commons connected. If deep space is a highway, Gora is just your average truck stop.

 

When a freak technological failure halts all traffic to and from Gora, three strangers—all different species with different aims—are thrown together at the Five-Hop. Grounded, with nothing to do but wait, the trio—an exiled artist with an appointment to keep, a cargo runner at a personal crossroads, and a mysterious individual doing her best to help those on the fringes—are compelled to confront where they’ve been, where they might go, and what they are, or could be, to each other.

 

Available now from Amazon and other booksellers

 

Friday, May 7, 2021

Vocabulary: Some Words to Ponder

Ambidextrous [ am-bi-dek-struhs ] -- able to use both hands equally well.  

Bandersnatch [ ban-der-snach ] -- an imaginary wild animal of fierce disposition.  

Chutzpah [ hutz-pah ] -- informal shameless audacity; impudence.  

Conundrum [ kuh-nuhn-druhm ] -- 1. a riddle, the answer to which involves a pun or play on words, as: "What is black and white and read all over? A newspaper." 2. a confusing and difficult problem or question.  

Funambulist [ fyoo-nam-byuh-list ] -- a tightrope walker.  

Infamy [ in-fuh-mee ] -- extremely bad reputation, public reproach, or strong condemnation as the result of a shameful, criminal, or outrageous act.  

Micawber [ mi-caw-ber ] -- one who is poor but lives in optimistic expectation of better fortune.  

Nemesis [ nem-uh-sis ] -- something that a person cannot conquer, achieve, etc.  

Obfuscate [ ob-fuh-skeyt, ob-fuhs-keyt ] -- to confuse, bewilder, or stupefy; to make obscure or unclear.  

Peregrinate [ per-i-gruh-neyt ] -- to travel or journey, especially to walk on foot.  

Prolixity [ proh-lik-si-tee ] -- a tendency to speak or write at great or tedious length.  

Ramshackle [ ram-shak-uhl ] -- loosely made or held together; rickety; shaky.

Ubiquitous [ yoo-bik-wi-tuhs ] -- existing or being everywhere, especially at the same time; omnipresent.

Thursday, May 6, 2021

Sneak Peek for January 2022

 

Look for these in January 2022 from Angry Robot Books at Amazon and other booksellers.

Wednesday, May 5, 2021

Pageants and Weddings

The Passing of the Crown – Authorities in Sri Lanka arrested Caroline Jurie, the reigning Mrs. World, after she snatched the crown from the head of Pushpika De Silva as she was crowned Mrs. Sri Lanka on national television on April 4, allegedly injuring her. Jurie, the 2019 Mrs. Sri Lanka, claimed De Silva was a divorced woman, which made her ineligible to win the pageant, but organizers confirmed De Silva is only separated, and she has been re-crowned. The new queen reported on Facebook that she went to the hospital to be treated for head injuries after the incident, and police spokesman Ajith Rohana told the BBC Jurie was charged with "simple hurt and criminal cause." Pageant director Chandimal Jayasinghe said, "It was a disgrace how Caroline Jurie behaved on the stage." 

[BBC, 4/8/2021]

All in the Family – At a wedding in Suzhou, Jiangsu Province in China on 31 MAR, the groom's mother noticed a birthmark on the bride's hand that was similar to one belonging to her long-lost daughter. When asked, the bride's parents admitted they had found her as a baby by the side of the road and taken her to live with them as their own -- a secret they had never told. The Daily Star reported that upon hearing of the connection, the bride burst into tears, saying the moment was "happier than the wedding day itself." Bonus: The groom was also adopted, so their marriage could proceed as planned. [Daily Star, 4/5/2021]

Tuesday, May 4, 2021

Steal the Sky by Megan E. O'Keefe

 

Steal the Sky

Megan E. O'Keefe

The David Gemmell Morningstar Best Newcomer Award-winner, re-released with a gorgeous new cover!

In her breathless debut novel, Megan E. O'Keefe gives us The Lies of Locke Lamora on giant sand dunes with exploding airships; the first title in the Scorched Continent series. 

“Come for the heist, stay for the inventive world building.” – Kirkus Reviews

Available from Amazon and other book sellers

 

Monday, May 3, 2021

Senses in the News

Causing a Stink – Police in Phoenix are searching for whoever dumped hundreds of carp and gizzard shad along a road on the north side of the city on April 4, KPHO-TV reported. Arizona Game and Fish said the estimated 1,000 pounds of fish were dumped along with trash left over from a spearfishing tournament at nearby Lake Pleasant. "It's pretty gross," said motorist Karen Rowe. "I mean fish in the middle of the desert, so it's quite shocking." Authorities said those responsible could be charged with criminal littering. 

[AZFamily.com, 4/6/2021]

o-o-O-o-o

Disturbing the Peace – Neighbors around a new luxury condo tower in Brooklyn, New York, are up in arms, and up at night, because of the persistent, shrill whistle they say is coming from the building, reported NBC New York. The city has been inundated with complaints. "It almost sounds like the subway screeching, but it's constant, and it usually happens late at night," Chris Valentini said of the noise. A representative of the developer told neighbors the sound originates from wind whipping around the new metal balconies. "This is not uncommon in new buildings," he said, "and we will resolve it." 

[NBC New York, 4/3/2021]

Sunday, May 2, 2021

Composite Creatures by Caroline Hardaker

 

Composite Creatures

Caroline Hardaker

How close would you hold those you love, when the end comes?

The dystopian sci-fi full-length debut from poet Caroline Hardaker.

Norah and Arthur are learning how to live together in a hostile, dying world. Fortunately, Easton Grove can help, in the form of a perfect little bundle of fur to keep safe and close...

“The writing is wistful and works in such a way you don’t realise how wonderfully strange the book is until you are enfolded in it.”
– RJ Barker, author of The Bone Ships

Available from Amazon and other booksellers.

Saturday, May 1, 2021

Highlights from the News

 Animal Antics – EuroWeekly reported that on Feb. 24, a routine Sudanese Tarco airline flight from Khartoum to Doha, Qatar, was forced to turn around about a half-hour after takeoff when a stowaway cat caused a midair emergency. The cat gained entry to the cockpit and became aggressive, attacking the crew, who were unable to restrain it, prompting the pilot to return to the airport. Officials believe the cat got onto the airplane while it was parked overnight in a hangar in Khartoum. [EuroWeekly News, March 2021]

 o-o-O-o-o

Quick Thinking – An unnamed maskless woman waiting in line at a Pick 'n' Pay supermarket in South Africa was caught on cellphone video being confronted by a store guard who demanded she put on a mask or be thrown out of the store. On the video, she is next seen reaching up under her dress, pulling out her underwear -- a black thong -- and placing it on her face, the New York Post reported. Witnesses were mixed in their reaction. "Good lord," one shopper was heard saying. "Brilliant," said another. 

[New York Post, 2/26/2021] 

o-o-O-o-o

Crime Report – Detectives investigating recent thefts of catalytic converters from vehicles in Pasco, Washington, went to the mobile home of Dustin Allen Bushnell, 30, in nearby Burbank with a search warrant on Feb. 26, and not only found converters, but also discovered a 400-pound playground slide that had been removed from a city park in December, KEPR reported. The slide had been repainted and mounted to a bunk bed in the home. Bushnell was arrested for possession of stolen property for the slide; no charges were filed for the converters. 

[KEPR, 3/10/2021] 

Friday, April 30, 2021

The Worldbreaker Saga Omnibus

 

The Worldbreaker Saga Omnibus 

Kameron Hurley

For the first time, the complete epic fantasy saga in one volume

The Worldbreaker Saga is Kameron Hurley's fantasy masterwork, and we're delighted to be publishing the entire epic trilogy in a new single volume digital omnibus.

Collecting The Mirror EmpireEmpire Ascendant, and The Broken Heavens, and with a new exclusive content from Kameron, this is the definitive edition of a true masterpiece.

Available from Amazon.com and other booksellers.

 

Thursday, April 29, 2021

More Military Humor

1. What’s the Marines’ main mission?
To make sure the Army never gets their feet wet.


2. An Airman, Soldier, and Marine are sitting around talking about hardships they faced on their last deployment.
Airman: “The worst was when the air conditioner in our tent broke and it was 110 outside!”
Soldier: “WTF, you had air conditioners?”
Marine: “Wait, stop. You had tents?”
 

3. A Captain halted a Corporal and asked why his stripes weren’t on his sleeves.
He replied, “They hurt my nose when I wiped.”


4. A morning radio announcer on the AFES station in Anchorage was giving the time one morning at 8 AM.
He said, for those of you in the Air Force, it is 8 AM.
In the Army, it is 0800 hours.
In the Navy, it is 8 bells.
For the Marines, the little hand is on the 8 and the big hand is on the 12.
 

5. What do you call a Marine who can read and write? “Sir! Yes, Sir!”
 

6. Three Marines are walking down the sidewalk and see a large pile of brown matter.
One scoops some of it up in his hand and says, “It feels like poop.”
The other picks some up, puts it in his mouth, and says, “It tastes like poop, too.”
The last marine picks some up and sniffs saying, “It smells like poop, as well.”
The trio walks way, happy that none of them stepped in it.

7. What do you call a Marine with an IQ of 160? A platoon.
 

8. During deployment on the Aircraft Carrier Midway, there was an inspection by a visiting Admiral.
All Navy and Marine personnel lined up in formation for the Admiral.
While walking past several Sailors asking questions and receiving appropriate answers the Admiral stopped in front of a Marine and asked “What’s the first thing you do after hearing “Man Overboard?”
Without hesitation, the Marine asked “Officer or Enlisted?”


9. I tried out for the Marines but fell just short of their requirements
So they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine.


10. What do you call a Marine with a head wound? Ajar head.

Wednesday, April 28, 2021

The Second Bell by Gabeiela Houston

 

The Second Bell
Gabriela Houston

In a world which believes her to be a monster, a young striga fights to harness the power of her second heart, while her mother sacrifices everything to stop her…​

A wonderful wintery fantasy debut, inspired by the Slavic folklore tales of Gabriela's youth.

"A lyrical tale of mothers and daughters, the lies we tell ourselves and the choking strictures of petty society... Captivating, provocative and poignant – not to be missed."
– David Wragg, author of The Black Hawks

Available from Amazon and other booksellers

Monday, April 26, 2021

Out April 27th

 

The Alien Stars and Other Novellas

Tim Pratt

Return to the world of the Axiom trilogy in this collection of brand-new novellas

Revisit the crew members of the White Raven as they strike out on new and enthralling adventures in Tim Pratt's richly-drawn and beloved space operatic universe.

"Precisely the kind of space opera romp guaranteed to delight me. Fast-paced, and with a rag-tag crew of heroes and a selection of batshit weird dangers, it drove an appealing course through a galaxy not so very far away."
– Locus

Available from Amazon and other booksellers

 

Sunday, April 25, 2021

Little Johnny 3

 
While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!"


Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. "That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad.


Later that evening as Johnny's mother cooks dinner, a cockroach runs across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her.


Little Johnny looks at his father and says, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?"


o-o-O-o-o-


A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."


Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?" 

"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"


"OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first."


"A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"


"Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea." 

"Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"


o-o-O-o-o-

A teacher asks her class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" 

Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day".

The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson.


"And you, Susie? " the teacher asks. 

Susie says "I wanna be Johnny's bitch."

Friday, April 23, 2021

Little Johnny 2

The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable words, she thought it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children examples of words with more than one syllable. 

"Jane, Do you know any multi-syllable words?"

After some thought Jane proudly replied with "Monday."
 

"Great Jane that has two syllables, Mon......day."

"Does anyone know another word?" 

"I do, I do, me me me," replied Johnny. 

Knowing Johnny's more mature sense of humor, she picks Mike instead. 

"Okay Mike, what is your word?"

"Saturday" says Mike. 

"Great, that has three syllables."
 

Not wanting to be outdone, Johnny says "I know a four syllable word, pick me....." 

Not thinking he can do any harm with a word that large the teacher reluctantly says, "Okay Johnny what is your
four syllable word?" 

Johnny proudly says, "Mas...tur...ba...tion." 

Shocked, the teacher, trying to retain her composure says, "Wow, Johnny, four syllables, that certainly is a mouthful". 

"No Ma'am, your thinking of blow job, and that's only two syllables."

Wednesday, April 21, 2021

Little Johnny 1


One day little Johnny was digging a hole in his back yard. 

The next-door neighbor spotted him and decided
to investigate. 

"Hello Johnny, what are you up to?" he asked. 

"My goldfish died and I'm gonna bury him," Johnny replied.


"That's a really big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" asked the neighbor.

"That's because he's inside your cat!"


o-o-O-o-o


Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"

"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." 

"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking." 

Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?" 

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone." 

"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

Monday, April 19, 2021

Read the Small Print

An unnamed teenager in Thailand was excited by the surprisingly low price he found online for an Apple iPhone, and even though the shipping seemed a little high, he went ahead and ordered it, Oddity Central reported. 

The surprise came when he received a box nearly as tall as he was and found inside a coffee table shaped like an iPhone. 

The teen posted photos of his acquisition on social media and admitted he had been so anxious to snag the bargain that he didn't read the listing carefully. 

[Oddity Central, 3/23/2021]

Saturday, April 17, 2021

Entrepreneurial Spirit

Good Fortune Burger in Toronto has renamed some if its menu items as office supplies as a not-so-underhanded way to help customers get reimbursed for lunch, the National Post reported, and perhaps boost sales. 

The restaurant's Fortune Burger is now the Basic Steel Stapler, and Parm Fries will appear on a receipt as CPU Wireless Mouse. 

Director of operations Jon Purdy said the restaurant
"just wanted an opportunity to put a smile on some people's faces and have them have a little bit of a giggle."
 

[National Post, 3/4/2021]

Thursday, April 15, 2021

Serial Pooper

Mr. Friendly Auto Service in Warren, Michigan, is one of two auto repair businesses in the area targeted by a serial pooper, police say. 

The man, seen on surveillance video, entered parked,
unlocked vehicles to do his business, leaving his deposit behind for workers to find the next day, Fox 2 reported. 

The man first struck in November and returned in January, said Chris Phillips, manager of Mr. Friendly. 

In February, police said, the man struck at nearby Twin Tire, going from car to car until he found one left unlocked because of an electrical problem. 

"Now we've got double padlocks on the gate," said
Phillips. 

"The guy needs to be caught. There is something wrong with him." 

[Fox 2, 2/16/2021]

Tuesday, April 13, 2021

Would You Beleive?

Shannon Stevens, along with her brother Erik and his girlfriend, snowmobiled to Erik's yurt in the back country near Haines, Alaska, on 13 FEB and got the scare of a lifetime when she was attacked from below by a bear in an outhouse, the Associated Press reported. 

Erik heard his sister's screams and went out to investigate, opening the toilet seat to find "a bear face ... just looking right back up through the hole, right at me," he said. 

He shut the lid and ran back to the yurt, where they treated Shannon's wound with a first aid kit and determined is wasn't serious. 

Alaska Department of Fish and Game Wildlife
Management biologist Carl Koch said the bear probably swiped at her with its paw, rather than biting her.


"She could be the only person on Earth that this has ever happened to," Koch speculated. 

[Associated Press, 2/19/2021]

Sunday, April 11, 2021

Would You Believe?

Desperate Times

Police in the Ukrainian village of Hrybova Rudnya determined that the unnamed man who called them 13 FEB and confessed to seriously injuring his stepfather, made the call in order to get the road in front of his house cleared of snow. 

Police spokeswoman Yulia Kovtun told the BBC the man insisted that officers would need special equipment to get to him because of the snow, but when police arrived, they found no assault or murder, and the road had already been cleared by a tractor. 

The man was charged with filing a false report and fined. [BBC, 2/15/2021]

Friday, April 9, 2021

More Military Humor

1. How do you knock out a marine while he’s drinking water? Slam the toilet lid down on his head. 

2. A Marine orders a pizza and the waitress asks if he’d like it sliced into four pieces or six. “Make it four. I’m not hungry enough for six.” 

3. What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? They all originally set out to become Marines. 

4. Why did God give the Marine one more brain cell than the horse? So he wouldn’t poop along the parade route. 

5. Ever wonder what Marine stands for? Muscles. Are. Required. Intelligence. Not. Essential. 

6. Helicopter nicknames 

     USAF: Birds 

     USA: Choppers 

     USN: Helos 

     USMC: OHH! OHH OHOH! (pointing at the sky) 

7. What’s the worst thing you can say to a Marine? “I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to join the marines.” 

8. A vegan, a cross-fitter, and a Marine walk into a bar… I know it because they announced it as soon as they walked in. 

9. How do you keep a Marine happy in his old age? Tell him a joke when he’s young. 

10. Bartender: “Guys, I just heard a great joke about the military!” 

    Patron: “Before you say anything, you should know that my buddy and I are marines. Think you still want to share it?” 

    Bartender: “Nah. I don’t want to have to explain it.”

It’s a Dog’s Life

Bill Dorris, a successful Nashville, Tennessee, businessman, was 84 years old when he passed away late last year, WTVF-TV reported, leaving $5 million to his beloved 8-year-old border collie, Lulu. 

Dorris, who was unmarried and traveled frequently, often left Lulu in the care of his friend Martha Burton, 88, who will continue to keep the dog and will be reimbursed for reasonable monthly expenses from the trust established for Lulu by the will. Burton was chill about the whole thing: "I don't really know what to think about it to tell you the truth," she said. 

"He just really loved that dog." 

[WTVF 2/12/2021]

Wednesday, April 7, 2021

An Educational Surprise

Concordia University student Aaron Asuini wanted to ask a question in the online art history class he was taking, but when he tried to reach out to the lecturer, Francois-Marc Gagnon, he couldn't find any contact information in the school's portal. So he Googled the professor's name -- and found an obituary.


The Verge reported Gagnon passed away in March 2019, and although the course syllabus listed someone else as the class's official instructor, it also noted that Gagnon would be the lecturer. 

A Concordia spokesperson expressed regret at the misunderstanding, but Asuini is still unsettled about it: 

"I don't really even want to watch the lectures anymore. ... I think it lacked tact and respect for this teacher's life." 

[The Verge, 2/4/2021]

Tuesday, March 30, 2021

The Love Dress

A mother-in-law stopped by expectantly at her newly married son’s house. She knocks on the door, then immediately walks in. She is shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch,totally naked.

"What are you doing?” She asked. 

“I’m waiting for Jeff to come home from work,” the daughter-in-law answered. 

“But you're naked!” the mother-in-law exclaimed. 

“This is my love dress,” the daughter-in-law explained. 

“Love dress? But you're naked!” she says. 

Jeff loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it makes me happy.

The mother-in-law on the way home thought about the love dress. When she got home she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume and expectantly waited for her husband, lying provocatively on the couch.

Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her naked. “What are you doing?” he asked. 

“This is my love dress” she replied. Needs ironing” he says. “What’s for dinner?"

Sunday, March 28, 2021

The Hotel Room is How Much?

A 70-year old woman chose to remain overnight at a costly hotel as a treat for her birthday. 

 The following morning she was appalled when the desk clerk gave her a bill for $250.00. She requested to know why the charge was so high. “It’s a nice hotel, but the rooms certainly aren’t worth $250.00 for just an overnight stay! I didn’t even have breakfast,” she told the clerk.

The clerk clarified that $250.00 is the standard rate. At that point, the older lady insisted on talking with the manager. 

The manager showed up and explained that the hotel “has an Olympic-sized swimming pool and a huge conference center which are available for use.

But I didn’t use them,” the old women said. 

“Well, they are here, and you could have,” he said. The manger proceeded with that she could have likewise have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which the hotel is famous. “We have the best entertainers from the world over performing here,” he said. 

“But I didn’t go to any of those shows,” she said. 

The manager replied, “Well, we have them, and you could have.” 

Regardless of what facility he recommended, the older lady would just answer, “But I didn't use it!” 

The manger then countered with his standard reaction. After several minutes of contending with him, she chose to pay. 

He manager was shocked when she gave the check to him. “But madam, this check is only for $50.00,” he said. 

That is right. I charge $200.00 for sleeping with me,” the old lady replied. 

"But I didn’t" the manager shouted. 

“Well, too bad. I was here and you could have.”

Friday, March 26, 2021

Doctor Bumbutu

A flat chested young lady read an article in a magazine that stated Dr. Bumbutu in Africa could enlarge breasts without surgery. 

So she decided to go see Dr. Bumbutu to see if he could help her. Dr. Bumbutu advised her, “Every day after you shower, rub your chest and chant, “Scooby doobie doobies. I want a bigger chest”. 

She did this faithfully for several months and to her utter amazement she grew to a terrific D-cup rack.

One morning when she was running late, she got on the bus and in a panic realized she had forgotten her morning ritual. Frightened she might lose her progress if she didn’t recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle of the bus, closed her eyes and said, “Scooby doobie doobies. I want bigger chest”. 

 A guy sitting nearby looked at her and said, “Are you a patient of Dr. Bumbutu?” 

She responded, “Yes I am ... how did you know?” He winked and whispered, “Hickory dickery dock ..."

Wednesday, March 24, 2021

Overheard in a Line at The Pearly Gates

 A pastor dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a fellow who’s dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans. 

Saint Peter addresses him, ‘Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?’  

The fellow replies, ‘I’m Jack, retired pilot from Houston.’ Saint Peter consults his list. 

He smiles and say to the pilot, “Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom. The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.

Next, it’s the pastors turn. He stands erect and booms out, ‘I am The Bob, Pastor for the last 43 years.’  

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to The Bob, ‘Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom.’ 

 ‘Just a minute,’ says The Bob. ‘That man was a pilot and he gets a silken robe and golden staff and I get only cotton and wood. How can this be?’ 

 ‘Up here we go by results,’ say Saint Peter. ‘When you preached people slept. When he flew, people prayed.’