Proofreading (a dying art)

 Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife And Daughter. (Not possible)

 Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says. (Really? Ya' think?)

 Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers. (Now that's taking things a bit far!)

 Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over. (What a guy!)

 Miners Refuse to Work after Death (No good for nothing' lazy so and so's!)

 Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant. (See if that works better than a fair trial!)

 War Dims Hope for Peace. (I can see where it might have that effect!)

 If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile. (Ya' think?!)

 Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures. (Who would have thought!)

 Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide. (They may be on to something!)

 Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges. (You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?)

 Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge. (He probably IS the battery charge!)

 New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group. (Weren't they fat enough?!)

 Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft. (That's what he gets for eating those beans!)

 Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half. (Chainsaw Massacre all over again!)

 Hospitals are sued by 7 Foot Doctors. (Boy, are they tall!)

 And the winner is... Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead