A to Z, A Mother's Dictionary

A Mother's Dictionary

1. ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

2. BATHROOM: A room used by the entire family, believed by all except Mom to be self-cleaning.

3. COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

4. DATE: Infrequent outings with Dad where Mom can enjoy worrying about the kids in a different setting.

5. EMPTY NEST: See "WISHFUL THINKING."

6. FABLE: A story told by a teenager arriving home after curfew.

7. GUM: Adhesive for the hair.

8. HINDSIGHT: What Mom experiences from changing too many diapers.

9. INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

10. JUNK: Dad's stuff.

11. KISS: Mom's medicine.

12. LEMONADE STAND: Complicated business venture where Mom buys powdered mix, sugar, lemons, and paper cups, and sets up a table, chairs, pitchers and ice for kids who sit there for three to six minutes and net a profit of 15 cents.

13. MAYBE: No.

14. NAIL POLISH: part of an assortment of make-up items such as lipstick, eyeliner, blush etc. which ironically make Mom look better while making her young daughter look "like a tramp."

15. OVERSTUFFED RECLINER: Mom's nickname for Dad.

16. PANIC: What a mother goes through when the darn wind-up swing stops.

17. QUIET: A state of household serenity which occurs before the birth of the first child and occurs again after the last child has left for college.

18. REFRIGERATOR: Combination art gallery and air-conditioner for the kitchen.

19. SPOILED ROTTEN: What the kids become after as little as 15 minutes with Grandma.

20. TOWELS: See "FLOOR COVERINGS".

21. UNDERWEAR: An article of clothing, the cleanliness of which ensures the wearer will never have an accident.

22. VACATION: Where you take the family to get away from it all, only to find it there, too.

23. WALLS: Complete set of drawing paper for kids that comes with every room.

24. XOXOXOXOXO: Mom salutation guaranteed to make the already embarrassing note in a kid's lunch box even, more mortifying.

25. "YIPPEE!": What mother's shout the first day of school.

26. ZUCCHINI: Vegetable which can be baked, boiled, fried or steamed before kids refuse to eat it.