Skip this if you are easily offended; of course, if you are you wouldn't be reading this blog.
Doctor Boombata
A flat chested young lady read an article in a magazine that stated Dr. Boombata in Africa could enlarge breasts without surgery. So she decided to go see Dr. Boombata to see if he could help her.
Dr. Boombata advised her, “Every day after you shower, rub your chest and chant, “Scooby doobie doobies. I want a bigger chest”.
She did this faithfully for several months and to her utter amazement she grew to a terrific D-cup rack.
One morning when she was running late, she got on a bus and in a panic realized she had forgotten her morning ritual. Frightened she might lose her progress if she didn’t recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle of the bus, closed her eyes and said, “Scooby doobie doobies. I want a bigger chest”.
A guy sitting nearby looked at her and said, “Are you a patient of Dr. Boombata?”
She responded, “Yes I am ... how did you know?”
He winked and whispered, “Hickory dickery dock ...”
Sheep
An Army ranger, Navy seal and Marine recon where walking in Iraq. They came across a sheep tangled in barb wire.
The Army Ranger says, "I wish that was Halle Berry”.
The Navy Seal say's “I wish that was Jennifer Lopez”.
The Marine looked around and said, “I just wish it was dark”
Army V Marines
Three companies of army rangers were on training humping through the hills. They were marching along and see a lone Marine standing on a hill staring at them. They all stop and the Marine flips them off and walks behind the hill.
The first company of rangers charge the hill, explosions and gun fire erupts, and then there is silence.
The Marine again stands on the hill and flips off the last two companies and walks back down other side.
The second company charges the hill, explosions and gunfire erupts, then there is silence.
A lone army ranger comes tumbling done the hill.
The last company commander says what the hell is going on?
Don't go sir its a trap.
What do you mean it's a trap?
There are two of them don’t go there's two Marines!!!!
Clear Skies
An Army NCO and Captain have been in the field all day playing war games in preparation for a big deployment. It's the end of the day, both men are completely dirty and exhausted and looking forward to hitting their cots.
As they lay on their cots looking up at the sky the NCO asks the Captain, "Sir, what do you think of when you look up?"
There's a long pause before
the Captain speaks. "Well, when I look
up and see all those stars, I can't help but feel pretty
small in the grand scale of things. I mean, compared to this galaxy and who knows how many other
galaxies, I feel pretty insignificant here
on earth and it makes me ponder what my purpose on life is
really all about".
Satisfied with his thought provoking response and picturing himself being patted on the back for his exceptional perception of things, he turns to the NCO and says "What do you think when you look up Sergeant?"
Without hesitation the NCO replies "I think someone stole our tent Sir!"
Odds and Ends
Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the
doctor, "Why do you want to join
the Navy, son?"
"My father said it'd be a good idea, sir."
"Oh? And what does your father do?"
"He's in the Army, sir."
• Why does the navy use powdered soap? Because it takes
longer to pick up
• A doctor told his patient, “You can't cure stupid"
• They say if you put a Marine in a round room with a steel ball they will either loose it, break it, or get it pregnant.
• Just because there are no complaints, doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.
• When the bogey man goes to sleep he checks his closet for us Marines.
• You know what ARMY stands for? Aren't Ready for Marines Yet.
