Worms

Worms

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon using worms.

He placed four worms into four separate jars.

The first worm he put into a container of alcohol, the second into a container of cigarette smoke, the third put into a container of chocolate syrup, and the fourth into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol . . . Died.

The second worm in cigarette smoke . . . Died.

Third worm in chocolate syrup . . . . Died.

Fourth worm in good clean soil . . . Alive and thriving.

So the Minister asked the congregation, "What did you learn from this demonstration?"

Maxine sitting in the back quickly raised her hand and said . . . "As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"

That pretty much ended the service!

Still Time to Sign Up for Local Ceremony Honoring Vietnam Veterans

For Immediate Release



Still Time to Sign Up for Local Ceremony Honoring Vietnam Veterans



FLOYD CO. - There is still time for Vietnam veterans from Floyd and surrounding counties to sign up for the upcoming Vietnam Veteran Honors Ceremony taking place Saturday afternoon, 2 p.m., April 13, 2019, at Pleasant Valley South Baptist Church (702 Pleasant Valley Rd SE, 30173) in Silver Creek. The deadline to sign up is 5:00 P.M., Monday, April 8th (04/13/19).

Vietnam veterans who have not signed up, but are still interested in attending the ceremony to be personally recognized, can contact the GDVS Central Office via email at bzeringue@vs.state.ga.us or fax their DD Form 214 with their contact information (phone number and mailing address) marked “Silver Creek C&P Ceremony” to (404) 656-7006. For more information call Brian Zeringue, GDVS Public Information Director, at (404) 656-5933.

The ceremony is open to all veterans with honorable service during the Vietnam War (from June 1, 1954 to May 15, 1975; dates recognized by the Department of Defense). This includes veterans with service in-country and those assigned in some other military capacity elsewhere in the world.

GDVS Commissioner Mike Roby will present the state’s Vietnam War Certificate of Honor to these veterans in recognition of their service during the war. Along with the state certificate, each veteran will receive the Defense Department Commemoration Vietnam War Veteran Lapel Pin.

Each certificate is personalized with the Vietnam War veteran’s name, rank, branch of service, and dates of service printed over the Seal of the State of Georgia and includes the official U.S. Department of Defense’s Vietnam War Commemorative Partner logo. They are signed by Governor Brian Kemp and Commissioner Roby.

This patriotic program will include musical videos and video narrations honoring the service of Vietnam veterans and their families.

Veterans who have already received certificates but have not received their Vietnam lapel pins from the Department of Defense are also encouraged to attend. They are asked to bring their State Certificate of Honor to the ceremony for a public presentation and to receive the Defense Department Vietnam Veteran Lapel Pin.

The recognition of these veterans is part of the U. S. Department of Defense’s 50th Anniversary Commemoration of the Vietnam War. The Georgia Department of Veterans Service created the Vietnam War Certificate of Honor program in partnership with the Office of Governor Kemp.

Firearm

Firearm

A woman pulled into the gas station to get some gas and went to pay inside. As she was walking in, she noticed these two cops watching a customer who was smoking while pumping gas.

She saw him and thought, "is this man drunk, stupid, or just crazy?!!

With the police standing right there!

Anyway, she went inside and paid. As she was walking out, she heard someone screaming, looked and saw the man's arm was on fire!

He was swinging his arm and running around going... crazy! She went outside, and the two officers literally had to take him to the ground and they put the fire out!

Then they handcuffed him and threw him in the police car. Being the person that she was she asked the cops what they were arresting him for.

This cop looked her square in the eyes and said... "WAVING A FIREARM IN PUBLIC"

I Wish You Enough

I Wish You Enough

A soldier returning to duty in Afghanistan overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport.

They had announced the departure.

Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said. "I love you and I wish you enough".

The daughter replied, "Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom".

They kissed and the daughter left.

The mother walked over to the window where he was seated.

Standing there he could see she wanted and needed to cry. He tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed him in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?"

Yes, I have," he replied.

"Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?"

"I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is - the next trip back will be for my funeral," she said.

"When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough'. May I ask what that means?"

She began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone".

She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled even more.

"When we said, 'I wish you enough', we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them".

Then turning toward him, she shared the following as if she were reciting it from memory.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.

I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye. She then began to cry and walked away.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them but then an entire life to forget them.

California's Burger Police

Only small cups for soda! The California legislature is expected to pass a bill soon that will limit restaurant sales of sugary drinks, like Coca Cola, to small sized cups only. A punitive tax on sugary drinks is also expected to pass statewide, following a similar measure in the city of Berkeley that is seen as successful because it has succeeded in getting poor people to drink more water instead of more expensive soda.

Use this paper straw! Plastic straws are being banned throughout California, replaced by paper straws that get soggy quickly.

Pay an extra waiter surcharge! The City of San Francisco has passed a law requiring restaurants to pay underpaid waiters much more. Most restaurants have passed the increased costs on to customers by raising food prices, but many San Francisco restaurants have added a separate surcharge to the bill to account for the extra cost.

Did you request this straw first? NO? Then FIRE the waiter! Some jurisdictions in California, including Los Angeles, have new laws that impose severe penalties on restaurants that give straws to customers who didn’t ask for a straw first. There are inspectors who go to restaurants to check on compliance with the straw law, and if they find a customer didn’t ask for a straw before the waiter gave out a straw, they sock the restaurant with a big fine – this leaves restaurants in the position of mitigating the risk of big fines by clamping down on employees. The cartoonist went out to dinner at the Olive Garden last week and the waitress told him that the staff was warned that if they ever handed out a straw, without the customer asking for it first, they would be fired on the spot. Of course, the law doesn’t require that waiters be fired, but the penalties are so severe that restaurants threaten the waiters with similarly severe penalties to strike the fear of non-compliance in the waiters.

Free the chickens! California passed a law not long ago, that requires better living conditions for chickens, who can no longer be kept in small, efficient cages, thereby giving the chickens a better, and more costly, free-range lifestyle.

Cow Farts, Styrofoam and Banning Beef These issues transcend California, so no explanation here.

[Source: https://darylcagle.com| Daryl Cagle | March 6, 2019++]

The Bayern Agenda by Dan Moren

The Bayern Agenda by Dan Moren

A new Cold War threatens the galaxy, in this fast-paced and wisecracking thriller of spies and subterfuge.

Simon Kovalic, top intelligence operative for the Commonwealth of Independent Systems, is on the frontline of the burgeoning Cold War with the aggressive Illyrican Empire.

He barely escapes his latest mission with a broken arm, and vital intel which points to the Empire cozying up to the Bayern Corporation: a planet-sized bank. There’s no time to waste, but with Kovalic out of action, his undercover team is handed over to his ex-wife, Lt Commander Natalie Taylor.

When Kovalic’s boss is tipped off that the Imperium are ready and waiting, it’s up to the wounded spy to rescue his team and complete the mission before they’re all caught and executed.

Pure Chocolate by Amber Royer

Pure Chocolate by Amber Royer

In a galaxy where chocolate is literally addictive, one celebrity chef is fighting back, in the delicious sequel to Free Chocolate

To save everyone she loves, Bo Bonitez is touring Zant, home of the murderous, shark-toothed aliens who so recently tried to eat her. In the midst of her stint as Galactic paparazzi princess, she discovers that Earth has been exporting tainted chocolate to the galaxy, and getting aliens hooked on cocoa.

Bo must choose whether to go public or just smile for the cameras and make it home alive. She's already struggling with her withdrawal from the Invincible Heart, and her love life has a life of its own, but when insidious mind worms intervene, things start to get complicated!

Random Thoughts

Random Thoughts

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.

I had amnesia once --- or twice.

I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?

Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses side saddle.

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

They told me I was gullible and I believed them.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.

Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

How can there be self-help "groups"?

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.

Is it me -- or do Buffalo wings taste like chicken?

Catholic Parents

Catholic Parents

Four Old Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'.

"The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says ’Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him ’Your Holiness'."

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, The four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"

She proudly replies, I have a daughter, she is SLIM & TALL, 40 D Breasts, 24" WAIST and 34" HIPS. When she walks into a room, people say, “JESUS"!

Things to Think About

Things to Think About

~ Timothy Jones...Give a man a fish and you'll feed him for a day. Give him religion and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish

~ Desmond Tutu...When the white missionaries came to Africa, they had the Bible and we had the land. They said, 'Let us pray.' We closed our eyes. When we opened them, we had the Bible and they had the land.

~ Zsa Zsa Gabor...I've been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage.

~ Jeff Foxworthy...You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.

~ Emo Philips...A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

~ Robin Hall...Lawyers believe that a man is innocent until proven broke.

~ Jean Rostand...Kill one man and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a conqueror.

~ Arthur C. Clarke...I don't believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we're very skeptical.

~ Steven Wright...If toast always lands butter-side down and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat?

~ Doug Hamwell...America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric.

~ Johnny Carson...If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.

~ Jimmy Durante...Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.

~ George Roberts...The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone.

~ Jonathan Winters...If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport.