SUBTLE TRUTHS

Subtle Truths

 I read that 60,000,833 people got married in 2017. Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?

 I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.

 When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body. However, many men are so polite they only look
at the covered parts.

 Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

 America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but until Donald Trump ran for president, would not cross the street to vote.

 You know that tingly little feeling you get when you love someone? That's your common sense leaving your body.

 My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.

 I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been Googling my name on her computer. I saw her doing it
through the telescope in my upstairs office last night.

 Money talks... but all mine ever says is good-bye.

 I’m not fat, I’m just easier to see.

 If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing paying a couple of monthly utility bills.

 I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out?"

 I can't understand why women are OK that Macy’s has an older women's clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."

 The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can go in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.

 I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.

 Money can't buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!

 The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was that nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney,
Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie, were
all single. The only married person was Otis and he stayed drunk.