Pre-order your copy of Prime Deceptions

Pre-order your copy of the next hilariously quirky and outrageously fun science-fiction novel from critically acclaimed author Valerie Valdes

Captain Eva Innocente and the crew of La Sirena Negra find themselves once again on the fringe of populated space—and at the center of a raging covert war. When Eva’s sister asks for help locating a missing scientist, promises of a big paycheck and a noble cause convince Eva to take the job despite lingering trust issues.

With reluctant assistance from her estranged mother, Eva and her crew follow the missing scientist’s trail across the universe, from the costume-filled halls of a never-ending convention to a dangerous bot-fighting arena. They ultimately find themselves at the last place Eva wants to see again—Garilia—where she experienced her most shameful and haunting failure.

To complete her mission and get paid, Eva must navigate a paradise embroiled in a rebellion, where massive forests and pristine beaches hide psychic creatures and pervasive surveillance technology. Can she find her quarry while avoiding the oppressive local regime, or will she be doomed to repeat past mistakes when her dark deeds come to light?

Pre-order your copy of Prime Deceptions before it goes on sale September 8th!

A new wondrous tale of space travel, adventure, and humanity.

Deep in the heart of an alien mountain range, I.C.C. has lain dormant, its ships silent, for eons. Now, after one hundred thousand years, the AI is awakening. Someone is roaming the convoy's halls—someone that isn't human.

This planet, Noumenon—created by the megastructure known as the Web—is too young and brutal to have evolved intelligent life. Its surface is bombarded by unusual meteors. Crystal trees abruptly and violently arise from its bedrock. Its solar system is surrounded by a frightening space-time anomaly. So where did these visitors come from? What do they want? And do the people of Earth, whose ancestors launched Convoy Seven, know they are here?

I.C.C. reaches out to the descendants of its convoy crew to help decipher this primordial riddle. Noumenon was created and seeded by ancient aliens, and clearly their plans for it are unfinished. Together, the AI, the new lifeforms who have awakened it, and the humans will embark on an epic adventure of discovery billions of years in the making.

Noumenon Ultra is on sale now.

Urban fantasy fans shouldn’t miss the newest Sandman Slim adventure!

As the battle between warring angels continues, James Stark is focused on seemingly simpler matters now that he’s resurfaced on earth: an invasion of ghosts. L.A.’s Little Cairo neighborhood has suddenly been overrun by violent spirits, and Thomas Abbott knows if anyone can figure out why they’ve appeared—and how to get rid of them—it’s Stark.

Armed with the Room of Thirteen Doors, Stark quickly learns that the answer may reach back to the 1970s and the unsolved murder of small-time actor, Chris Stein. As he begins to dig into the cold case, another area of Stark’s life takes an unexpected turn when he becomes entangled with Janet, a woman he saved during the High Plains Drifter zombie attack.

Janet’s brush with the living dead hasn’t quenched her thirst for danger. She’s an adrenaline junkie and a member of The Zero Lodge—a club that promises “there’s zero chance you’ll get out alive.” The Lodge attracts thrill seekers who flock to perilous events such as night walks through the LA Zoo—with its deadliest animals uncaged. Joining the lodge to be with Janet, Stark makes a pair of crucial discoveries that could decide the fate of LA and Heaven itself.

To prevent the Little Cairo haunting from consuming the city, Stark must piece together the connections between the Lodge and a missing angel last seen in a Hollywood porn palace. But while he may dispatch the ghosts, Stark knows that without his help, the bloody war in Heaven could rage forever.

Ballistic Kiss is available now wherever books are sold.

Senior Citizens , You ill Be One Soon

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.'

The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'

The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What’s the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that's red and has thorns.'

'Do you mean a rose?'

'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'

#########

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he’d didn't need my help to leave the hospital.

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.

On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'

#########

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: 'So I hear you're getting married?'

'Yep!'

'Do I know her?'

'Nope!'

'This woman, is she good looking?'

'Not really.'

'Is she a good cook?'

'Naw, she can't cook too well.'

'Does she have lots of money?'

'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'

'Well, then, is she good in the house

'I don't know.'

'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'

'Because she can still drive!'

#########

A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'

'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?'

'Twelve thirty.'

#########

Morris , an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.

A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'

Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''

The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

#########

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool...

After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'

'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'


FAIR USE NOTICE: This newsletter may contain copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner.

The Editor/Publisher at times includes such material in an effort to advance reader’s understanding of veterans' and other issues. We believe this constitutes a 'fair use' of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law.

In accordance with Title 17 U. S. C. Section 107, the material in this newsletter is
distributed without profit to those who have expressed an interest in receiving the included information for educating themselves on veteran issues so they can better communicate with their legislators on issues affecting them.

7 Reasons Not to Mess With Children

ONE

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.

The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'

The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.

TWO

Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'

The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.'

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'

THREE

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to 'honor' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'

From the back, one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'

FOUR

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?'
Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Mummy, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'

FIVE

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'

SIX

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'

'Yes,' the class said.

'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?'

A little fellow shouted, 'Cause your feet ain't empty.'

SEVEN

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.

The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . God is watching.'

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples..'


FAIR USE NOTICE: This newsletter may contain copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner.

The Editor/Publisher at times includes such material in an effort to advance reader’s understanding of veterans' and other issues. We believe this constitutes a 'fair use' of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law.

In accordance with Title 17 U. S. C. Section 107, the material in this newsletter is
distributed without profit to those who have expressed an interest in receiving the included information for educating themselves on veteran issues so they can better communicate with their legislators on issues affecting them.

Lessons learned during a long life:

I've learned that I like my teacher because she cries when we sing "Silent Night". Age 5

I've learned that our dog doesn't want to eat my broccoli either. Age 7

I've learned that when I wave to people in the country, they stop what they are doing and wave back. Age 9

I've learned that just when I get my room that way I like it, Mom makes me clean it up again. Age 12

I've learned that if you want to cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up. Age 14

I've learned that although it's hard to admit it, I'm secretly glad my parents are strict with me. Age 15

I've learned that silent company is often more healing that words of advice. Age 24

I've learned that brushing my child's hair is one of life's great pleasures. Age 26

I've learned that wherever I go, the world's worst drivers have followed me there. Age 29

I've learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it. Age 30

I've learned that there are people who love you dearly but just don't know how to show it. Age 42

I've learned that you can make someone's day be simply sending them a little note. Age 44

I've learned that the greater a person's sense of guilt, the greater his or her need to cast blame on others. Age 46

I've learned that children and grandparents are natural allies. Age 47

I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on and it will be better tomorrow. Age 48

I've learned that singing "Amazing Grace" can lift my spirits for hours. Age 49

I've learned that motel mattresses are better on the side away from the phone. Age 50

I've learned that you can tell a lot about a man by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. Age 51

I've learned that keeping a vegetable garden is worth a medicine cabinet full of pills. Age 52

I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you miss them terribly after they die. Age 53

I've learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life. Age 58

I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. Age 62

I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back. Age 64

I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, the needs of others, your work, meeting new people … and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you. Age 65

I've learned that whenever I decide something with kindness, I usually make the right decision. Age 66

I've learned that everyone can use a prayer. Age 72

I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. Age 74

I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch, holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. Age 76

I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. Age 78

If Things Get Better With Age Then I'm Approaching Excellent.

FAIR USE NOTICE: This newsletter may contain copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner.

The Editor/Publisher at times includes such material in an effort to advance reader’s understanding of veterans' and other issues. We believe this constitutes a 'fair use' of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law.

In accordance with Title 17 U. S. C. Section 107, the material in this newsletter is
distributed without profit to those who have expressed an interest in receiving the included information for educating themselves on veteran issues so they can better communicate with their legislators on issues affecting them.

Haircut

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.’

The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.’

The cop was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.’

The Congressman was very happy and left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

As Ronald Reagan said: "Both politicians and diapers need to be changed often and for the same reason.”

Rogue Report

• The Washington Redskins yielded to advertiser pressure and dropped their Redskins name, bowing to claims it's insensitive. And it didn't stop there. Hershey's announced Tuesday they are changing the name of Payday candy bars because it is offensive to people who don't want to work.

• Jeffrey Epstein's pimp Ghislaine Maxwell was denied bail Tuesday and will stay in jail. It was a year ago the nation was surprised to hear that Epstein had committed suicide while in federal custody in New York. If you think you were surprised by Epstein's suicide, how do you think HE felt?

• President Trump acknowledged in his press conference Tuesday that a federal execution took place Tuesday. The U.S. government executed its first convicted prisoner in seventeen years, a white supremacist. CNN said it just shows that under Trump, white people get to go to the front of every line.

• Portland protesters expressed a desire to destroy all vestiges of white privilege. The next day, the first inmate the feds executed since 2013 was a white supremacist. The executioner showed the Neo-Nazi a selfie of his daughter with an NBA player, and he died before they could strap him in.

• Joe Biden dismissed Trump's charges about his mental capacity and pointed out his excellent physical shape. Like many people getting up there in years, he periodically suffers some stiffness in his lower back. So last week Joe Biden went to a chiropractor, who referred him to a paleontologist.

• The London Daily Mail quoted Swedish teen climate activist Greta Thunberg saying preserving ocean life is just as important as defeating the virus. I think ocean life is adapting just fine. Modern sea gulls wouldn't know what a fish looks like, but they know what time McDonald's opens.

Freedom Isn’t Free

Have you ever wondered what happened to the 56 men who signed the Declaration of Independence?

o Five signers were captured by the British as traitors, and tortured before they died.

o Twelve had their homes ransacked and burned.

o Two lost their sons serving in the Revolutionary Army; another had two sons captured.

o Nine of the 56 fought and died from wounds or hardships of the Revolutionary War.

o They signed and they pledged their lives, their fortunes, and their sacred honor.

What kind of men were they?

o Twenty-four were lawyers and jurists.

o Eleven were merchants, nine were farmers and large plantation owners; men of means, well-educated, but
they signed the Declaration of Independence knowing full well that the penalty would be death if they were captured.

o Carter Braxton of Virginia, a wealthy planter and trader, saw his ships swept from the seas by the British Navy. He sold his home and properties to pay his debts and died in rags.

o Thomas McKeam was so hounded by the British that he was forced to move his family almost constantly. He
served in the Congress without pay, and his family was kept in hiding. His possessions were taken from him, and poverty was his reward.

o Vandals or soldiers looted the properties of Dillery, Hall, Clymer, Walton, Gwinnett, Heyward, Ruttledge, and Middleton.

o At the battle of Yorktown, Thomas Nelson, Jr., noted that the British General Cornwallis had taken over the Nelson home for his headquarters. He quietly urged General George Washington to open fire. The home was destroyed, and Nelson died bankrupt.

o Francis Lewis had his home and properties destroyed. The enemy jailed his wife, and she died within a few months.

o John Hart was driven from his wife's bedside as she was dying. Their 13 children fled for their lives. His fields and his grist-mill were laid to waste. For more than a year he lived in forests and caves, returning home to find his wife dead and his children vanished.

So, take a few minutes and silently thank these patriots. Remember: freedom is not and was never free! We need to thank these early patriots, in prayers, words, and deeds, as well as those patriots that are now still fighting to keep our freedom! We owe it to them to proclaim our patriotism now.

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED THE 1930’s, 40’s and 50’s!!

 First, we survived being born to mothers who may have smoked and/or drank - While they were pregnant.
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes. Then, after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

 We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors or cabinets, and, when we rode our bikes, we had baseball caps, not helmets, on our heads.

 As infants and children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, no booster seats, no seat belts, no air bags, bald tires and sometimes no brakes. Riding in the back of a pick-up truck on a warm day was always a special treat.

 We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.

 We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one actually died from this.

 We ate cupcakes, white bread, real butter and bacon. We drank Kool-Aid made with real white sugar. And
we weren't overweight. WHY? Because we were always outside playing...that's why!

 We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came
on. Unless you lived in the country, then you came home when the stars came out.

 No one was able to reach us all day…and we were OKAY.

 We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride them down the hill, only to find out that we forgot about brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

 We did not have Play Stations, Nintendo and X-boxes. There were no video games, No 150 channels on
cable, No video movies Or DVDs, No surround-sound or CDs, no cell phones, no personal computers, no
Internet and no chat rooms. WE HAD FRIENDS. - And we went Outside. We rode bikes or walked to a
friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them.

 Little League had tryouts; And not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with
Disappointment. Imagine that!!

 The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of... They actually sided with the law!

These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers, and inventors ever. The past 60 to 85 years have seen an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.
If you are one of those born between 1925 &1955, CONGRATULATIONS! You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good. While you are at it, forward this to your kids so they will know how brave and lucky their parents were.
Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?